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How do you decide

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

Postby Kat » Sun Apr 16, 2006 12:09 pm

Hi all
Karen - I still have my scan pic too, stuck on my noticeboard above my computer! (at home, obviously!). Seeing as there was actually no baby because it was a blighted ovum some people might find this a little strange but it is the closest I will ever be so there it stays for the moment.
In other ways I think I have blocked it out as well, it just seems so unreal it can't have happened. Perhaps that's just what our minds do with bad things that happen. But then when I see the girl at work who is having her baby when I should be having mine...
So confusing, all these emotions....up one minute, down the next. Actually I'm still waiting for the up.

I had a bit of a wobbly the other day and tried to explain to DH that being a girl all your life you think you will have children, you play with dolls and push them in a pram and to suddenly be told after 40 years that actually no, you can't have that, takes some getting used to. He has been so lovely since, just giving me hugs, maybe he hadn't really understood why it is such a big thing for me. I am making the most of it as it won't last!

Speak soon
Happy Easter
Kat xx
Me & DH both 41
ICSI #1 - abandoned
#2 - cancelled - DH accident
#3 - 1 transferred, bfn
#4 - 2 transferred, bfn
#5 - abandoned
#6 - no eggs at EC
#7 - DE in Barcelona - bfp but lost Dec'05
#8 - DE UK - bfn
#9 - FET Sept/Oct '07....
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Postby julie n » Mon Apr 17, 2006 11:03 am

I just wanted to say that reading everyone's posts today have really helped me.

I have been through 7 rounds of treatment (all negative) and had taken the decision to stop treatment.

I like many of you have been through ICSI due to male factor infertility which in some ways has made things harder as I do blame myself.

I am still finding it incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that I will never have a baby and am considering having a test for NK cells to find out once and for all if anything is wrong. I also have 7 frozen embies left so feel that I should really give these a chance.

I always said that I would have 3 fresh cycles and 3 frozen and that would be it, however, I got 3 FETs out of my last fresh cycle!

I still can't deal with other people's pregnancies (apart from those resulting from IVF) and know that my husband's family think that I am a nightmare (I have refused to see my pregnant sister in law until after the baby is born).

I too am considering conselling.
Failed ICSI Jan '03, failed FET Jul '03, failed ISCI Dec '03, failed ICSI blastocyst Aug '04, 15 frosties left so who knows?!!
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Postby KarenSmiff » Mon Apr 17, 2006 3:38 pm

Well after cuddling my brothers new baby, 4 days old, yesterday, DH & I both came away with tears in our eyes. Soooo Painfull. We may go back to CARE for a review afterall. IUI?? Maybe with two samples of his sperm washed/?(One sample wouldnt be enough) It was spoken about before with the doctor but we opted for the DE. IUI maybe less stressfull/less drugs/less cost, although I know they say it is a step backwards????

Watch this space.

If we do, It wont be until September due to holidays.....Oh god, I dunno

Like you said Kat, being a girl you think it will just happen, and when it don't.......

Karenx
Me 31 Poor responder, DH 37 failed vasect.reversal.
1st ICSI 3 eggs, 1 embie - neg
2nd ICSI 4 eggs, 3 embies - neg
3rd ICSI 5 eggs, only 1 egg mature, 1 x embie -POS, Miscarried early may 04 at 9 wks
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Postby Traci » Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:11 pm

Thanks for your reply Karen

Hi to everyone
What sort of an easter did everyone have ?
well I went to Spain from fri to mon and got totally smashed , but came back to more crap from my salon and thought that the only 2 days that I had off would be covering someone off sick. as it happens I didnt
anyway yesterday for about 2 hours I had a real want to go for it again !!!!!!

question.....................................

If all my tubes are ok and I can produce 4 eggs but fsh is 23 then why dont I try donor IUI??????? will they laugh at me if I ask the question or if that was a possibility then surely they would have mentioned this option to me !

or I go for it with my sisters eggs ? oh crap I dont know

I am just having a low week and your brain starts going overtime :roll:

its one of those days where I cannt get on with anything
1st cycle own eggs Neg
2nd cycle own eggs Neg
3rd cycle cousins eggs Neg
4th cycle unknown donor eggs Neg
Going to have sisters eggs Feb 06
NEVER GIVE UP!
Traci
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Postby KarenSmiff » Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:19 pm

Traci

Sounds like you had a nice break!

No No No - they will not laugh at you. I said the same to dh, why dont they ever mention the IUI thing at reviews?, including donor IUI. They are quick to mention donor eggs at £5K a time! Sounds harsh but i reckon its down to the money thing, IUI is about a Grand where as IVf is £4000 - £5K ish ???? I maybe completely wrong but, cant help thinking like this. We are gonna go to a review Julyish time and ask IUI questions. I think there is still a 25% success rate when using healthy sperm (which we havent got)!, DH wont listen when I mention donor..! its a man thing eh. But like i said to dh, I got preggers using 1 x 2 cell embie which must have been about a 7.5% chance of success (30% being normal 2 healthy embies being replaced)>???? I know it m/c, but theres a chance??????

These pangs wont go away like yours.... We are still stewing over it.

I havent had my FSH tested for a couple of years now, last time it was 9, but then I only spat out 2 crap eggs last time on 6 amps a day...aaarrrhhh

Take care all
Karenx
Me 31 Poor responder, DH 37 failed vasect.reversal.
1st ICSI 3 eggs, 1 embie - neg
2nd ICSI 4 eggs, 3 embies - neg
3rd ICSI 5 eggs, only 1 egg mature, 1 x embie -POS, Miscarried early may 04 at 9 wks
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Postby pauline69 » Wed Apr 26, 2006 4:24 pm

Hi Traci

I know what you mean about having a low week & brain going into overtime. Ive been feeling like that too lately.

I agree with Karen re: IUI, why not mention it & see what they say. I hope they are able to help you make a decision. Let us know how it goes with your appointment? When I first started down the road of IVF etc I was told that because of my age (I was 34) I should skip IUI & go straight to IVF & because I was afraid & didn't really do research I just went ahead with it. I'm wondering now if I should try Clomid (as I believe it helps follicles to mature, and only take it for a few days of the month) and see what happens, my friend who got pregnant with Clomid has some left over and has said I could have it, I'm tempted to although I won't yet mention it to DH as I think he would say no, but what if it worked!

I wish it were busy here at work, then I wouldn't have time to think about it all & get into a depressive mood.

Anyway, let us know how your appointment goes, best of luck & thinking of you.

Take Care, Pauline
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Postby ogr1 » Wed Apr 26, 2006 6:51 pm

the only stupid question
is the one you dont ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i am glad you went to spain. craig and i are going on a second honey moon to reno.
we have a whole wk off :D :D :D :D
that is where we went for our honey moon.
that was 16 years ago. and 200 lbs lighter.....


ask your doctors and see what they say
your friend
becky
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Postby Mitzy » Mon May 01, 2006 4:56 pm

Hi ladies, can I join you?

I am so glad to have found this thread, I don't feel I fit in anywhere else.
After my first BFN after my NHS IVF, I feel totaly feed up. I was not going to bother thinking about any more treatment, but the night my AF arrived, was the day before my blood test results, and we talked about saving for another go. Then the day we were going for the results, and we had a knock on the door, and 2 men wanted the keys to my husbands new van, it had HP outstanding on it, so we have had to pay out another £7000 or lose it. I hope the police get the b*****d and we get our money back.So what a week!!!
Now we have no money left, and I am wondering if I should give up the idea of anymore treatment.
As anyone ever been offered more than 1 free NHS treatment?

Ilona
I am 40 OH is 50
Ectopic 1990 tube disintegrated
Endometriosis & tube blocked
NHS IVF March 2006 - neg
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Postby Traci » Wed May 03, 2006 8:28 am

Hi Mitzy

oh gosh you have had a crap time . its a shame that this IVF lark boils down to money alot of the time ! I guess that is one reason for not going again. or will I ?????? I am still stuck in sinking mud and there is no stick to pull me out!!!

Anyway

I have never been offered free IVF so I am not able to answere your question sorry .

how are all the other LAI Girls ???????
I am not to bad this week , I have sorted my staff out , lost 5lb nearly found my kitten , so I just need to get my thinking cap on for this bloody decition .
perhaps next week!!!!

Trace x
1st cycle own eggs Neg
2nd cycle own eggs Neg
3rd cycle cousins eggs Neg
4th cycle unknown donor eggs Neg
Going to have sisters eggs Feb 06
NEVER GIVE UP!
Traci
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Postby gailp » Tue May 09, 2006 6:07 pm

Hi

I have just read this thread from start to finish and I can relate so much to some of the coments that are on here. I havent gone through what half of you have, you are all so strong.

My Brief History is I had 3 IUI's in 1999 with my ex-husband, he felt the treatment was undermining his manhood so went and had an affair and got someone pregnant :twisted: I now have the most wonderful new husband who has 3 children from a previous marriage. We had IVF in August 2005 which ended in a total freeze due to severe OHSS and a lovely hospital stay. We have now had 2 -ive FET's and only have one frostie left. Hoping to go for a fresh IVF cycle in Spetember. However as its unexplained infertility We will keep on trying until then.

I think more than anything im scared because we have to get off this rollercoaster of IVF eventually and I think the next go will be our last try. It scares the hell out of me that I may never have children, yet I know that I have to stay positive and believe that this next and final go will be the one that works.
me 38 DH 43 TTC 7.5 yrs. 1st IVF June 05 ended in severe OHSS never made it to ET. FET Nov 05 -ive. FET April 06 -ive FET June 06 OMG BFP
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Postby beckym » Tue Jun 06, 2006 10:23 am

How do you decide? well sometimes you are forced into it by medical circumstances. (As Traci will know) I had 2 rounds of IVF, both in 2003 - first was a BFN in May 2003, second was +ve in Nov 2003 but then I miscarried at 7 weeks in Dec 2003 - never got to see the heartbeat or anything - just an emprty sack. both times I had severe OHSS and was hospitalized for a week each time - very painful and quite scary when my lungs were filling up with water and i couldn't breathe. that drew the line under it for me - the ward staff at my hospital had seen me 3 times in one year - the ohss times and then the D&C and I was fed up with it. it seemed too much to risk my health. on 7th Jan 2004 I picked up the phone to my local authority and said I would like to adopt a baby from China. in Nov 2005 after a long papertrail and homestudy and much anxious waiting, we travelled out to China to collect our 13 month old baby girl. Jessie is now 20 months old and is fast asleep in her nursery as I type this. I can't say it has all been plain sailing, in fact the weeks after we got back from China were some of the hardest in my life as Jess did have attachment problems, but it has all been so worth it as she is a beautiful, bright, lively, funny little girl. so, yes, there is life after IVF and it doesn't necessarily have to be childless.

lots of love and hugs to all my dear ivf friends

Beckymx
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Postby ogr1 » Wed Jun 07, 2006 9:56 pm

i am so happy for you.....

wow it has been 6 months....

i have been busy with our grandaughter.
she will be 14 months on june 12.
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Postby KarenSmiff » Wed Jun 14, 2006 7:41 pm

Wow Becky - bought tears to my eyes .... DH & I have spoken about adoption and I have read various websites and it scares the hell out of me. But a friend said to me last week "it would be nothing compared to what you have been through already with 4 yrs of IVF"..I guess she maybe right. We had a review last week - pondering on another go...but just wanted to get our monies worth from the clinic! It was a stand-in doctor who nicely informed me that there is something WRONG with my ovaries, because 5 amps of menapur only drags out 2-4 eggs...urgghh...my cycle is always 28 days, and all hormone levels normal ??? I call it Lazy-itis ovaries! Never tried me on Gonal F though?
If we go again, it will be next summer, donor egg???? My heart thumps at the thought - I dont think I can. ARRRRHHHHHHH ....its the money, its the pumping crappy drugs inside us...is the emotions, and even if I did get a positive..whos to say I wouldnt m/c again anyway????

Ive now got a beautiful 9 wk old nephew to dote on, which has filled a gap in my familie's lives, also 2 step children, so I am lucky in that respect...

I dunno

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE
Kxx
Me 31 Poor responder, DH 37 failed vasect.reversal.
1st ICSI 3 eggs, 1 embie - neg
2nd ICSI 4 eggs, 3 embies - neg
3rd ICSI 5 eggs, only 1 egg mature, 1 x embie -POS, Miscarried early may 04 at 9 wks
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Postby KarenSmiff » Wed Jun 14, 2006 7:42 pm

Wow Becky - bought tears to my eyes .... DH & I have spoken about adoption and I have read various websites and it scares the hell out of me. But a friend said to me last week "it would be nothing compared to what you have been through already with 4 yrs of IVF"..I guess she maybe right. We had a review last week - pondering on another go...but just wanted to get our monies worth from the clinic! It was a stand-in doctor who nicely informed me that there is something WRONG with my ovaries, because 5 amps of menapur only drags out 2-4 eggs...urgghh...my cycle is always 28 days, and all hormone levels normal ??? I call it Lazy-itis ovaries! Never tried me on Gonal F though?
If we go again, it will be next summer, donor egg???? My heart thumps at the thought - I dont think I can. ARRRRHHHHHHH ....its the money, its the pumping crappy drugs inside us...is the emotions, and even if I did get a positive..whos to say I wouldnt m/c again anyway????

Ive now got a beautiful 9 wk old nephew to dote on, which has filled a gap in my familie's lives, also 2 step children, so I am lucky in that respect...

I dunno

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE
Kxx
Me 31 Poor responder, DH 37 failed vasect.reversal.
1st ICSI 3 eggs, 1 embie - neg
2nd ICSI 4 eggs, 3 embies - neg
3rd ICSI 5 eggs, only 1 egg mature, 1 x embie -POS, Miscarried early may 04 at 9 wks
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Postby Traci » Thu Jun 15, 2006 7:04 am

Hi there Becky

Great news Hun well done , I would have done exactly what you have done if my husband and I were younger . I bet she is so cute . I will be coming a mummy to 2 Maine coon Kittens next sunday 25th . I am having sleepless nights with excietment . I fineally have something to love , I know its not the same but to me I think it will help me through what has come tot he time to actually let go of Hope ! it scares the hell out of me to actually say to poeple no we are not going to go through it again. I have all my paperwork in a folder and was going to sort through it and keep some and chuck some but read a consultation report and started to wobble so put it all back in the folder and filed it under Rainy day !

Well girls hope all is well with everyone and that the sunshine has at least put a spring in our steps.

Trace x
1st cycle own eggs Neg
2nd cycle own eggs Neg
3rd cycle cousins eggs Neg
4th cycle unknown donor eggs Neg
Going to have sisters eggs Feb 06
NEVER GIVE UP!
Traci
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