Failed after 3 days sniffing synarel

[tinaC]

I know anyone reading this will not believe what their reading.Im in shock myself.On the 9th of april i started sniffing Synarel.I didnt realise until the medication was delivered to my home how scared i was of the whole procedure of I.V.F. .I Began to get extremley scared of the thought of egg collection.Night and day i was constantly thinking about the whole process.I have a phobia of any anesetic as in the pasted with my ectopics i was petrified.I had previously spoke to my I.V.F. councillor who was brilliant in reasureing me that i was being sedated. The thought of being sedated scared me also.I went on this website which told me about everyones experiences but still was scared.The turmoil i was going through was unreal.My councellor said this was normal.I had thoughts of i wanted to get off this rollercoaster sooner than later.She was brilliant reassured me all my thoughts were normal. But the feelings i experienced i could only see would get worse and the thought of the next 6 to 7 weeks of medication not knowing what side affects i would experience apart from what they tell you.i Decided to stop taking the Synarel.My husband was very supportive as he wanted me to feel better again AND not stressed and scared.He said it was not worth all the stress, to have me not scared was worth more.I am now at home crying every day as i was not strong enough i have failed myself and i have to live with that.The lead up to taking the medication is surreal.I just wonder if there is anyone out there that has done the same thing as me,i assume not.My councellor said my descision was right for me and everyone has different pasts and phobias.Ijust didnt think i would have reacted like this.I didnt feel relief like everyone thought i would once i made the descion,i feel dissapointed with myself.I think if my husband had said go ahead with this for him i would have but he said i was more important than a baby.

I respect any women out there who has gone through I.V.F such a stressful time in their lives,and come out the other end.I now have to find some other meaning in life as all my life was to have children.I know how lucky i was to have had my son at 17.He is now 23.
Thankyou for reading i neaded to tell someone as i now am confused how i am feeling.

[Kat]

Hi Tina
No one can tell you what is right for you and DH, only you know that.
I am sure there are plenty of people who have not started ivf but sadly it is not talked about much so we don't know.
Taking the decision to stop at any stage is not easy, after 7 attempts I still sometimes feel I have let myself down and should I have kept going again and again but I know deep down I can't.
I think you have been very brave in taking the decision you have taken, if it's not for you then it's not for you so please don't feel you are not a strong person, if I had been stronger maybe I wouldn't have kept on going so long with such a small chance of getting pg.
Maybe having a break from all things ivf will help to clear your head but if you would like to talk more then we're here.
Take care
Lots of love
Kat xx

[tinaC]

Thankyou so much replying to me.I feel from your reply you understood where i was coming from as i got comfort from your kind words. You are amazing to have gone on for so long with the I.V.F. i respect you so much.You have at least tried something i found difficult omotionally and mentally.As the days go on i am trying to focus more on my future, ie-without children.As the society is so children focused it is going to be hard as you know.Thankyou again for your kind words.The only out come i have got from this is peace of mind will it or wont it happen in my lifetime future i now know it will never be again.
Take care Tina c

[kdc2006]

hi...i feel exactly the way you feel....im on the exact same spray as you...and ive been on it a week....i want to continue but its a struggle.... i have a 10yr old daughter from a previous...but ive had endometriosis since then...i also have too much scar tissue on my cervix due to treatment for abnormal cells....ive been trying for a child for 4yrs now...with my partner...but like you....the un-known amount of stress is driving me insane...i dont want to quit...more for my partners sake than my own...but i hate this feeling...a feeling that im not my self......its as if my life is on hold...so i just want ou to know....i admire you...simply because you have control back and who knows...you may come this road again....but you will be stronger for it....take care....best wishes xx