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Oh girls...

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Oh girls...

Postby Zed2003 » Tue May 02, 2006 7:19 pm

Hi girls,

Where do I start?

On 20th May we got our letter through from our IVF clinic confirming we were to get our prescan in May and to go and give our payment.

The next day, the impossible happened and I tested positive on a HPT. 4 tests later we were still unbelieving - especially as I had no symtoms. Honestly, shock doesn't cover things.

We decided to be positive and try to enjoy being pregnant. However, tonight I've come home from work and had some fresh bleeding. My strength is suddenly sapped and I want to crawl in hole.

I'm thinking the worst, and lets face it, with our history, it's not looking good. I feel like someone is dangling the carrot, letting us take a nibble and then taking it away.

We'll phone the EPU tomorrow, but know that at just short of six weeks there is little they can tell us. I can't believe all this is happening again and don't know if I can cope with losing another baby.

I know I'm lucky to have Sam, and if nothing else, should take hope from the fact that we 'did it ourselves', but once in nine years is nothing short of a miracle.

Anyway, I'll let you all know. I feel so sad.
Zoe x

P.S after all the avoiding the results of the FSH test in March, I found out it was 9.3, 1 lower than 4 years ago. May be I should keep the faith
1st IVF - Easter 2002 - neg
2nd IVF - Summer 2002 - pos, but M/C 8 wks
3rd IVF Summer 2003 - pos with beautiful baby boy
April 2006 - miracles happen - positive naturally day after receiving IVF letter to start again! Another beautiful boy
Zed2003
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Postby DebraP » Tue May 02, 2006 9:32 pm

Zoe, be strong and I hope you get answers and feedback about what's happening asap.

Tragically, despite being a group that life already cr*pped on once, we seem far from immune to further cruelties. I hope it's 'just' bleeding and everyone looks OK on any scan. If you're 6 weeks, a scan might show what's going on now.

Thinking of you,
Debra.
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
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Postby Zed2003 » Wed May 03, 2006 8:20 am

Thanks Debra.

Have just phoned EPU who are saying they won't scan me as they put me at 5wks 4 days. They won't adjuct my date until they scan - I understand but really just wanted to know if things looked ok with the sac and it was in the right place.

Anyway, they were really nice and because of my history are taking me in at 10.15 to start hormone level testing, and over the next couple of days so we'll have a good indication.

I'm struggling to stay positive, my own dr is on holiday and I'm really worried about work as the senior exam is on Friday and with so much to do, I feel I'm letting everyone down. But if I go in, I'd never forgive myself as I know the next 3 days are the most stressful of the year. So, damned if I do, damned if I don't....

Will let you know. EPU tried to reassure saying the they had monitored pre 6 week bleeding and that 75 % went on to have norml pregnancies. I told her to look at my history and see that we have always fallen in the lower percentage, not the higher.

It's the waiting. Is it too much to hope that we'd be lucky??? poor Steve just looks shell shocked.

Zoex
1st IVF - Easter 2002 - neg
2nd IVF - Summer 2002 - pos, but M/C 8 wks
3rd IVF Summer 2003 - pos with beautiful baby boy
April 2006 - miracles happen - positive naturally day after receiving IVF letter to start again! Another beautiful boy
Zed2003
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Postby Jules R » Wed May 03, 2006 8:53 am

Oh Zoe, what a worrying and distressing time for you. You're absolutely right not to go into work and you mustn't feel guilty, although I know that that's not easy. You are more important than the job and they'll get by without you there.

I hope that this is normal pregnancy bleeding and nothing more. Thinking of you.

Jules
TTC 5 years. Daniel & Charlotte born 22.03.02, 1st ICSI treatment. TTC for 4 further years. 2nd ICSI cycle abandoned, 3rd cycle BFN. Looking forward to being a happy family of 4.
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Postby Juliana » Wed May 03, 2006 9:08 am

Hi Zoe,
Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you! It seems like a nasty irony that you would get pg just as you were preparing to go again for treatment and then have the bleeding. I hope so much it will be ok. I had bleeding that ended in m/c (the first time) and in twins (afterwards), so there is hope even if your history is not great. Keeping my fingers crossed!
love,
juliana
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Postby Zed2003 » Wed May 03, 2006 6:16 pm

Thanks Jules and Juliana for your thoughts.

Went in to EPU this morning and they were just as great as I remember.

They did a blood test and we waited until 2pm...

When we rang, I was praying for nothing less than a thousand. This to me would still be quite low. I've no real idea what the number should be at about 6 weeks pregnant ( although they're still working on 5.5)

Anyway, the number came back at over 21,000!!!!!!!!!!! As a result, I think they maybe agree with my dates (although they never said) and have told me they don't think another blood test in two days is worth it, so they've decided to scan me on Tuesday instead. Will just have to keep everything crossed and try and stay positive.

I can't believe all this is happening x
1st IVF - Easter 2002 - neg
2nd IVF - Summer 2002 - pos, but M/C 8 wks
3rd IVF Summer 2003 - pos with beautiful baby boy
April 2006 - miracles happen - positive naturally day after receiving IVF letter to start again! Another beautiful boy
Zed2003
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Location: scotland

Postby DebraP » Wed May 03, 2006 6:30 pm

Zoe that's great, you must be so relieved. Fab news!

I had lunch today with someone who had a FET baby 18m ago. I asked if she'd try again with her 7 frosties, turns out she's 7 weeks pg naturally. After years of infertility, a failed IVF too....miracles seemingly, do happen.

hugs
Debra
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
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Postby Zed2003 » Wed May 03, 2006 6:39 pm

Debra,

Relieved and more hopeful. Just wish next Tuesday as over. Have a bit of pain tonight, but feels like my boobs need craned up so as not to rest on my stomach. LOL

How are things with you my friend?

Z x
1st IVF - Easter 2002 - neg
2nd IVF - Summer 2002 - pos, but M/C 8 wks
3rd IVF Summer 2003 - pos with beautiful baby boy
April 2006 - miracles happen - positive naturally day after receiving IVF letter to start again! Another beautiful boy
Zed2003
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Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 1:28 pm
Location: scotland

Postby DebraP » Wed May 03, 2006 8:01 pm

how am I ? ...hmm let me see...

It's 10pm and Maya is still screaming blue murder upstairs. It's hardly dusk outside and she's fighting to sleep now it's so light. She has a cough and the sorest bottom I've ever seen on her due to an upset tummy and it gets worse with each BM.

DF is at work until midnight and M is screaming for him...tricky. She runs out of her room continually and screams until she's hoarse.

My mum arrives tomorrow, I'm at work beforehand and the house needs a REALLY, really good clean. The spare room has been turned into a study and DIY storage room...yikes.

Maya turns 3 on Friday, I've 4 of the 7 grandparents coming over for dinner and then a party on Saturday, a small intimate affair for the birthday princess and 7 of her very closest friends....many of whom have younger brothers and sisters + their mums. I'm expecting 23 in total provided none of the dads turn up too.....

Oh and I had ET today! We're going for closure by using up the last of our frosties, only made the thaw. We're not optimistic and have chosen to go completely natural, no meds at all, no pessaries etc. We want this exhausting period of our lives over.

Other than that...OK thanks! all the better for your good news.
Debra
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
DebraP
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Posts: 2784
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2003 4:40 pm

Postby Zed2003 » Thu May 04, 2006 12:12 pm

Debra,

You post did make me smile, although I'm sure it wasn't your intention!!!

Poor Maya - I hope she is feeling better today. Know what you mean with the screaming. Sam is 25 months and almost overnight he has hit the 'terrible two's'. :( He tanrums at anything and has found the power of high piercing screams. :cry: :cry: On top of that, he has the cold so is feeling desperatley miserable...

You really must take it easy after ET. Never mind the house - LOW priority. I know what you feel though - the only time we ever give the house a good clean is when my mother arrived. My mum just left today, having just arrived an hour before the bleeding started. It was great though - the house IS NOW clean... LOL

You weekend sounds tiring - family always is... My sister comes back from Denmark tomorrow and will stay here for a few days. On Sunday, my niece is one and I'm sooooooooooo not in the mood. We haven't told them yet, wanting them to have their day with Beth, but I'm glad we didn't now, just in case Tuesday doesn't work out.

You really do have to take it as eay as you can though. The closure thing sounds familiar. That's why I hope this one works, as if it does, NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :o

I'll be thinking of you sweetie.

Look after yourself.
Zoe
1st IVF - Easter 2002 - neg
2nd IVF - Summer 2002 - pos, but M/C 8 wks
3rd IVF Summer 2003 - pos with beautiful baby boy
April 2006 - miracles happen - positive naturally day after receiving IVF letter to start again! Another beautiful boy
Zed2003
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Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 1:28 pm
Location: scotland

Postby Juliana » Thu May 04, 2006 12:41 pm

Hi Zoe, Debra,
Zoe, so glad to hear your test had such good results! Has the bleeding stopped? Did you go to work? I hope not...I think I read somewhere on the boards that you work at university, so do I and often think it's a blessing with kids, becacuse of the flexible hours, but there are concentrated periods of stress which are so exhausting - I am now making the programme for next year and trying to keep all staff happy - so tired of it. So I hope you stayed nicely home and had some rest...
Debra, I hope ET went well and that you had some time to rest after. I also hope Maya is better today. Is she a bit of a daddy's girl? My Nadia seems to be evolving into one (no wonder with 3 brothers dh especially adores her). A couple of days ago dh and I were sitting both on the sofa, I put het between us, she pushed me away angrily and went and ceremoniously installed herself on her dad's lap.
But girls, talking about tantrums, why do I have the feeling my two have started quite early with them? Zoe, if Sam only hit it at 25 months, Alexander must be a very fast developer in that respect :) , not something I hoped for...
love from me,
juliana
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Postby Zed2003 » Tue May 09, 2006 1:35 pm

Hi Juliana,

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

I do teach, but secondary - 11-18 and no, I didn't go back to work!

The spotting stopped although I'm convinced it was partly to do with lying down... I went back to work this morning to sort some stuff out before our scan...

The scan went well - one baby ( I think Steve was a little disappointed after the count of 21,000!) with a lovely heartbeat. The relief was immense and I thought - ok, now time to enjoy....

Well, that lasted about 10 mins, as went to the loo when I got home only to have fresh bleeding and more then before. They did see some bruising under the sac so here's hoping it's that. I phoned the clinic who said just to take it easy this afternoon and monitor the situation. If it stops I've to assume its that...

So, I've decided to be positive. I'm over 7 weeks pregnant and if I have to sign off work I will. Roll on the summer hols!!!

Hope you are fine

Zoe x
1st IVF - Easter 2002 - neg
2nd IVF - Summer 2002 - pos, but M/C 8 wks
3rd IVF Summer 2003 - pos with beautiful baby boy
April 2006 - miracles happen - positive naturally day after receiving IVF letter to start again! Another beautiful boy
Zed2003
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Posts: 911
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 1:28 pm
Location: scotland

Postby Juliana » Thu May 11, 2006 9:40 am

Hi Zoe,
Just saw this after writing on the other thread. Lovely that you have seen the baby and the heartbeat is fine. Isn't it such a miracle that you are pg just as you were going to go again! just rest, rest, rest! I cannot imagine facing 11-13 olds! Students seem bad enough. I have to lecture this afternoon, barely recovered from a summer bug and a night of checking on Alexander (other thread). cannot wait for the weekend.
love,
juliana
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Postby Zed2003 » Mon May 22, 2006 3:52 pm

Juliana - 11 - 18 year olds!!!! LOL That's worse...LOL

Thought I'd keep you all updated...

Well. I've continued to spot every day - boy is that wearing. My head is completely screwed up and we phoned up the EPU on Friday as I could stand it no longer and I was testing Steve's patience big time :?

Anyway, I got a scan today and it seems all is well. Even saw the bubba jerking about - obviously liked the full bladder as much as I did. I had found my diary of when we lost the first baby and things seemed to be following the same path, so of course I'd convinced myself that the worst had happened. Anyway, will try and stay postive, getting past this point was a major hurdle for my head.

Debra - how are things with you??? A good deal of time has passed my friend... Hope you are well anyway.

Take care girls

Zoe x
Zed2003
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Postby Juliana » Tue May 23, 2006 10:52 am

Hi Zoe,
I am so glad to hear your good news - thanks for keeping me updated! I have been thinking of you and checking every day to see how things are. Spotting can really be a horror when you've had a miscarriage - don't I know it. I was aboslutely insane with worry when I spotted with Nadia and Alex and could not calm down. The physical fact of spotting somehow adds to ones's fears in a major way. But also with me passing the m/c date helped and every next scan made me a little bit calmer. I hope this will also be the case with you and then passing the 12 weeks mark should limit the m/c changes even further. Will keep my fingers crossed!
Debra,
how did Maya's birthday party go? How have you been? I thought of you and Maya recently when Alex started trying to get his pants off and walk around naked (he has not figured out how to take the nappy off yet). His skinny (post last week's flu) little legs are like matchsticks and he looks so vulnerable when he does that I feel like scooping him and carrying him with me - not a notion Nadia likes :)
love,
juliana
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