How do we know when enough is enough!

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.
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How do we know when enough is enough!

Post by Emma27 » Mon Feb 12, 2007 10:07 pm

I am worried that i am going to be on the neverending trauma of IVF for ever??

I am currently on my 2ww and i do have 15 frosties left but this is my last NHS cycle!

I feel like i am fighting a losing battle and it has definately taken its toll on my relationship!

When is time to stop?

Any advice?
1st IVF Nov 05 -ve
FET March 05 -ve
FET July 05 -ve,
2nd IVF cycle May 06 - cancelled due to OHSS
3rd IVF cycle September 06 - 20 frosties
FET January 2007 -ve
FET March 2007 -ve
FET May 2007 -ve
FET July 2007 -ve
FET September 2007??

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Post by kholtan » Wed Feb 14, 2007 4:33 pm


First of all, I am really hoping your IVF ends with a big BFP!

Secondly, you sound so down in the the dumps and you could be PG! The power of PMA is really amazing and you have been blessed with the opportunity to try get PG. That in itself is a blessing. We have to think of ourselves as lucky to start with or we're on a downward spiral.

Lastly, no one knows how hard IVF is better than us! It's a challenge for sure for every couple but turn the negative into a positive. It's an opportunity for couples to really open up and talk closely and intimately about our deepest fears and joys. We have a choice to let it make us miserable or not. Don't let the end be infertility and a ruined partnership. WE have got to get you thinking positive!!!!!!

It's hard but it will be worth it and in the end you will know what do if you follow your heart and your instincts. Don't entertain negativity! You may have a littel baby who is snuggling in right now. :D

I'll be thinking of you and praying for you and your little baby or babies to get that BFP!!!!!! Take care of yourself and your relationship!
Me 35, DH 35
Ectopic Oct. 2005
IVF transfer 1-21-07. . .TWINS!!!!][img][/img]][img][/img]

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Location: at the end of my significantly frayed rope

Post by sassynlv » Tue Feb 20, 2007 4:13 pm

Emma: don't know if you will be checking back here, but i am hoping you will. I just saw your BFN on the other forum. I am so sorry. Multiple failed cycles can take a toll not only on us, but also our partners. Thinking of you and hoping you find some peace. When i read your post here yesterday, i thought of this list i saw on another forum. It was given to an IVF'er by her infertility counselor to help her make the decision as to when "Enough is Enough". Whether that means stopping all ART and adopting, or whether that means living child-free. I am hoping that this helps you. Here to support you with whatever you decide.

When is Enough, Enough?

"In a way learning to live with infertility is like learning to live with death, one can't quite forget about it, but one can't think about it all the time." (From Surviving Infertility, Linda P Salzer)

There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough:
The grave and
The barren womb
The earth that is not filled with water,
And the fire that saith not, "It is Enough." Proverbs 30:15-16

"Regardless of what decision is reached, the actual choice to abandon treatment is ultimately bound up in the person's ability to relinquish the hope and dream of having his or her own genetic child." (Braverman, in Leibleum 1997).

There is no true satisfactory resolution to the inability to reproduce, but there are acceptable choices. The loss of potential genetically conceived child must be grieved. It is only after the work of grieving is done that the choices can be explored. There is no public recognition for these feelings and no ritual mourning process. No sympathy cards are sent to help ease the time of grief.

For some people, the point of resolution comes abruptly (maybe on last awful comment or a low point in treatment). For others, it is a slower more gradual process. Only you can decide when to draw the line in the sand and say "enough is enough". There is no clear-cut answer of when to stop, but these questions might help you as you seek your own answer.

Have you exhausted all medical possibilities that you feel comfortable pursuing?

Is the role of "parent" more important than pregnancy?

Do you hate the fact that infertility has taken over you life to the extent that little else matters?

Do your present efforts at treatment seem hopeless?

Are you now able to discuss alternative means of parenthood that in the past were off limits?

Do you dream of resuming a normal life again with laughter and happiness?

Do you hate the kind of person you have become?

Do you feel angry and resentful on days when you are scheduled to see you doctor?

Does an end to temperature taking, drugs, doctor's appointments sound like a relief?

Would you feel unhappy if your doctor informed you that a wonderful new treatment had just become available?

Are you just plain tired?

Is infertility treatment making you postpone other things you would like to do or making you change decisions? Have you thwarted plans to return to school, to a make a career change or otherwise change your life because you are waiting for pregnancy?

Has you relationship with your partner drifted or become strained by continued medical treatment?

If you answer yes to a majority, chances are you are ready to consider alternative means of conception, or end treatment, pursuing adoption or child-free living.

If you answered yes to a minority, then you spirits are still relatively high and there may be value in continuing treatment.

Continuing Treatment:

If you are not ready to stop now, then when will you be?

Is there a logical end point to your treatment?

Can you establish a plan? By setting a time frame and deciding when you will be ready to stop, you will be able to determine better when the appropriate time has arrived. Plans can always be revised, but having a plan can focus your efforts.
6 fresh IVFs plus one cancelation
Last Chance FET--- Pregnant with triplets!

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Post by Alette » Sat Feb 24, 2007 10:35 am

Dear Emma,

I read our post and recognise your feelings.

stupidly no-one can give you the answer to this question, you yourself must find out when it is enough for you.

one day you will find out, that this hoping, this grieving is enough, that you want to focus on the future again.

it is a long and sad way to have to let go of the child you will never have... but you can do it..... you have proven to be strong...

lots of love,


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Post by ogr1 » Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:59 am

please know that you have friends hear who care about you and that will always listen...

for me i dont think we well do ivf again.
we just dont think we could go threw another mc.

but who knows if we ever got enough money to go again then who knows
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!

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