Emma: don't know if you will be checking back here, but i am hoping you will. I just saw your BFN on the other forum. I am so sorry. Multiple failed cycles can take a toll not only on us, but also our partners. Thinking of you and hoping you find some peace. When i read your post here yesterday, i thought of this list i saw on another forum. It was given to an IVF'er by her infertility counselor to help her make the decision as to when "Enough is Enough". Whether that means stopping all ART and adopting, or whether that means living child-free. I am hoping that this helps you. Here to support you with whatever you decide.
When is Enough, Enough?
"In a way learning to live with infertility is like learning to live with death, one can't quite forget about it, but one can't think about it all the time." (From Surviving Infertility, Linda P Salzer)
There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough:
The grave and
The barren womb
The earth that is not filled with water,
And the fire that saith not, "It is Enough." Proverbs 30:15-16
"Regardless of what decision is reached, the actual choice to abandon treatment is ultimately bound up in the person's ability to relinquish the hope and dream of having his or her own genetic child." (Braverman, in Leibleum 1997).
There is no true satisfactory resolution to the inability to reproduce, but there are acceptable choices. The loss of potential genetically conceived child must be grieved. It is only after the work of grieving is done that the choices can be explored. There is no public recognition for these feelings and no ritual mourning process. No sympathy cards are sent to help ease the time of grief.
For some people, the point of resolution comes abruptly (maybe on last awful comment or a low point in treatment). For others, it is a slower more gradual process. Only you can decide when to draw the line in the sand and say "enough is enough". There is no clear-cut answer of when to stop, but these questions might help you as you seek your own answer.
Have you exhausted all medical possibilities that you feel comfortable pursuing?
Is the role of "parent" more important than pregnancy?
Do you hate the fact that infertility has taken over you life to the extent that little else matters?
Do your present efforts at treatment seem hopeless?
Are you now able to discuss alternative means of parenthood that in the past were off limits?
Do you dream of resuming a normal life again with laughter and happiness?
Do you hate the kind of person you have become?
Do you feel angry and resentful on days when you are scheduled to see you doctor?
Does an end to temperature taking, drugs, doctor's appointments sound like a relief?
Would you feel unhappy if your doctor informed you that a wonderful new treatment had just become available?
Are you just plain tired?
Is infertility treatment making you postpone other things you would like to do or making you change decisions? Have you thwarted plans to return to school, to a make a career change or otherwise change your life because you are waiting for pregnancy?
Has you relationship with your partner drifted or become strained by continued medical treatment?
If you answer yes to a majority, chances are you are ready to consider alternative means of conception, or end treatment, pursuing adoption or child-free living.
If you answered yes to a minority, then you spirits are still relatively high and there may be value in continuing treatment.
If you are not ready to stop now, then when will you be?
Is there a logical end point to your treatment?
Can you establish a plan? By setting a time frame and deciding when you will be ready to stop, you will be able to determine better when the appropriate time has arrived. Plans can always be revised, but having a plan can focus your efforts.
6 fresh IVFs plus one cancelation
Last Chance FET--- Pregnant with triplets!