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Losing my friends

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

Postby ls4 » Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:11 pm

:cry: I don't feel strong. Every day I am childless seems like there is less of a chance it will happen. I thank you for your words of wisdom during this horrible situation. I hope one day I will get to your point.
I was hoping maybe anyone out their can tell us how they deal with all the pain. What are some reall things we can do to get through this no matter what our decisions maybe. How do we go on living. How do we get to your point. How do we carry on
Lisa
Numerous Failed IUI"s
1 Failed IVF
1 BFP FET lead to MC
No children :(
ls4
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Postby Alette » Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:19 pm

Is4.

You are 34 years old.

I do not know how many treatments you have had?

What possibilities you still have. I do not know your situation, are you able to pay for treatments, is it a matter of bad seed or bad tubes, I do not know anything about you.

But I do know at at 34 it is too young to give up your dreams.

Try to find possibilities to realise your dream.

If it is IVF then go for it, do not give up!!
It it is IUI, then you still have a way to go.

Yes you are strong, you endure this horrible time in your life, but DO NOT GIVE UP!!

Go as far as you think you can endure, give everything you have and go further, at 34 you still have possibilities to have a child!!

Big hug, keep strong, and above all; keep the faith!!!
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
Alette
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Postby Alette » Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:21 pm

p.s.
I had my baby at 41! (started fertilitytreatments at 37!)
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
Alette
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Postby ls4 » Sat Sep 22, 2007 7:19 pm

Thank you for your support. I apprecdiate it. I did 6 IUI with different meds before I had a laporoscopy.I have a mild case endometriosis. Then I did 3 IUI with injectable drugs. Then I spent $10,000 on a failed IVF. My insurance didn't cover most of it.
They let me take some medicine an extra day then I was supposed to then gave me FET for free except bloodwork and medicenes. I then had a misscarriage. After the failed IVF we were going to adopt because of the lack of insurance. My husband then lost his job due to the fact the closed the place and then the went and cut my hours. I start a new job that pays a little less on Monday.
I recently found out my sister is having her fifth child and its hard. I think I just had it that day. There seemed to be no hope. Hopefully things will get back to normal so I can adopt. So thats my life in a nut shell for the past 5 years. Once again thank you for being there. I don't have to many people around me who share my situation.
Lisa
Numerous Failed IUI"s
1 Failed IVF
1 BFP FET lead to MC
No children :(
ls4
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Posts: 44
Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2007 1:19 pm
Location: Buffalo,NY

Postby Alette » Sat Sep 22, 2007 10:13 pm

Hi Lisa,

I am so sorry to hear your story, your frustrations, your sorrow, your pain and you remind me of me...

I also was sometimes so 'at the end'.
How bitter it must be for you to hear your sister is pregnant with her 5th child.. and you longing for only 1 ...

Is it an idea that you give yourself a litte pause?
Forget about the treatments, relax, assure yourself that you still have time (you really do!!) try to get life back to normal -a job for your husband, more hours for you- try to save money and in the meantime start the adoptionprocedure? (I am Dutch and in Holland it can take some years before you indeed have a baby)

Again; try to keep the faith, you are still young, you still have possibilities, you have HOPE!
With adoption in your mind, I for sure know that YOU WILL BE A MOMMY! Maybe not the way you wanted to, maybe not how you 'planned' it, but at least as WONDERFUL and as BEAUTIFUL like you carried it yourself.
It will be YOUR child and YOU will be its MOMMY!
Do not give up dear Lisa, life is not over!
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
Alette
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Postby ls4 » Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:03 am

:) Alette,
I just wanted to tell you thank you for being there I when I needed those encouraging words. It really helped!
Lisa
Lisa
Numerous Failed IUI"s
1 Failed IVF
1 BFP FET lead to MC
No children :(
ls4
Member
 
Posts: 44
Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2007 1:19 pm
Location: Buffalo,NY

Postby jill dickens » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:40 am

Hi Lisa,
Alette has said it all really. I will add my penny worth though. I have been through the same journey as you but was not as lucky as Alette to end up having a birth child, I lost three precious babies. BUT I now have the most wondeful daughter via adoption. I could not love my baby more if I had given birth to her. I still have moments when I cry at my loss and what I will never have but what I do have fills my heart with joy every second. It is not second best this little girl was meant to be our child and we her parents. My little girl has brought sunshine to our lives now after a long 9 year journey. As Alette says you are still young and there are options ahead for you.
Good luck I do know how hard it is,
Love JD x
TTC nearly 9 years
Raised FSH
natural pg M/C, 12 months on Clomid +ve M/C
1st Egg Donor IVF Cycle Oct 04 +ve M/C my dream is over
Nov 04 Began the adoption journey
Nov 06 our beautiful baby girl has come home we were matched at just over 12 months
jill dickens
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Location: UK

Postby ls4 » Thu Sep 27, 2007 12:48 am

Thank For giving me hope. I am glad that I finally had a chance to vent and people answered me back. It was truly heaven sent when I needed it most. Thank you both for being there for me. I needed it. :)
Lisa
Numerous Failed IUI"s
1 Failed IVF
1 BFP FET lead to MC
No children :(
ls4
Member
 
Posts: 44
Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2007 1:19 pm
Location: Buffalo,NY

Postby Alette » Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:52 pm

Good to hear Is4, Jill and I went through the same and we both felt desparete sometimes...and more sometimes... and we know these feelings all too well.

But look at us now... both proud mummies! One way or the other, we finally got what we were craving for so long!

Big hug of comfort when you need it, big hug of happiness for the future!
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
Alette
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Posts: 286
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 12:51 pm

Postby jill dickens » Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:59 pm

Well said Alette, i couldn't agree more!!
Love JD x
TTC nearly 9 years
Raised FSH
natural pg M/C, 12 months on Clomid +ve M/C
1st Egg Donor IVF Cycle Oct 04 +ve M/C my dream is over
Nov 04 Began the adoption journey
Nov 06 our beautiful baby girl has come home we were matched at just over 12 months
jill dickens
Regular
 
Posts: 237
Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2004 9:33 pm
Location: UK

Re: People ,etc..

Postby Grace35 » Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:27 pm

Hi observer,

Your post really hit a note with me. I failed my first IVF round (BFN) and we've been TTC for over a year, but I've been getting the relax suggestion FOREVER it seems. I can't hardly attend family functions anymore because I can't bear to hear about everyone's kids and then be asked when mine are going to materialize. I didn't tell most of my family that we're doing IVF because I am afraid of the "test tube baby" comments and that our child (should we be so lucky to have one) would be viewed differently. The friends I did tell told me that I should just "visualize holding my child" and I would get a BFP. I was like, you're kidding me. I can visualize all day long and that won't make me pregnant or I would have 3 kids by now.

It's driving me a little nuts. Our insurance will cover 2 rounds of IVF and one FET. After that we're done because we can't afford to do any more on our own. I fear having to make the "if" we have kids comment also!!

Grace
Me:36 DH:37
1st IVF: BFN
2nd IVF: BFP, had a m/c
3rd IVF: FET, BFP. Baby Girl born 10/13/09!!!
Grace35
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Location: Chicago

Re: Losing my friends

Postby winnieone » Mon Oct 29, 2007 5:12 pm

We' ve done IVF, will probably adopt, and I know even if I adopt I won't want to hear people go on and on about their pregnancy or babies.

Luellie wrote:Hi. I haven't been on the boards since a failed treatment in December. Since then I've been having problems with my old friends. I'm OK with my newer friends, it just seems to be my long-term good friendships that are getting difficult.

One friend in particular had a baby in January and is pregnant again already, and although she knows what I've been through, just kept bombarding me with baby photos through the post and letters and texts with nothing but her new baby on her mind. While I was on my 2 week wait she sent me an email listing 50 great things about having children. The final straw was when I texted her to wish her happy birthday and got a message back asking if I could think of any names for her unborn baby girl. A week later it was my birthday and she sent me a card she'd made with a photo of her baby on it and lots of photos of her baby inside. In the end I couldn't take anymore and texted her to say I was finding all her baby photos etc a bit much to take given my circumstances. I haven't heard from her since.

Other friends ring me and I just can't bring myself to answer the phone because I can't face having conversations about their children/babies/problems with babies/. I regularly speak to my oldest and best friend on the phone, she doesn't have children, is waiting for the right man to come along. She tries and mostly manages to be kind and tactful but even she sometimes upsets me by saying things like 'when I have babies you can feed them and wipe their bottoms and babysit while I go out' and I just think I really don't want to wipe your babies bottoms thanks, if I'm not getting the chance to wipe my own baby's bottom and enjoy the nice bits as well what makes me think I'd want to do the elbow work for yours?

I'm sorry to rant on but needed to get this off my chest somewhere as nobody else seems to understand. I feel like some kind of social pariah these days as none of my friends have been through what I've been through so they can't understand me and it's bad enough not being able to have a child of my own without feeling like I'm losing the closeness I once shared with my friends as well.

Ellie xx
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Postby Alette » Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:36 pm

I do not understand what you want to say.

Of course you do not want to hear about babies etc. untill you have one of your own.

I think we all understand that?
So what is your point?
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
Alette
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Posts: 286
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 12:51 pm

Postby jordan23 » Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:48 am

I try and feel sorry for people like that because it is not how I want to be and I honestly think that you make a better parent and person if you can see further than the end of your nose, so to speak!!


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Re: Losing my friends

Postby wendeelouise » Tue May 06, 2008 3:00 pm

I've had same problem. A friend of mine constantly sends me emails with pictures of other peoples' new babies, and whenever she hears of someone who is pregnant, I am the first person she tells about it. It almost seems like she is trying to "rub it in" that I can't get pregnant - seriously, I am starting to believe this!! She also implied that I am "selfish" for not wanting to adopt a child instead. I question the value of our friendship now.

Also, some people just think infertile women are obsessed with babies. We aren't - we just want to have our OWN baby. I don't really care to see pics of other peoples' babies, especially people I don't know that well.

Several people also send us christmas photos of their children in the mail. Last year I threw these in the trash because its clutter and I barely know these people, I just don't want to hang on to their children's photos for any reason.
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