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I guess I'm done....

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

I guess I'm done....

Postby kbat » Mon Dec 03, 2007 4:49 pm

I've had 3 failed IUI and 5 failed IVF's. It's so discouraging, and I feel very disappointed that it's finally over. We won't use donor eggs and my dh is not really in favor of adoption, so I guess the fat lady has sung and it's over.

I am sure that there's lots of people out there has been able to move on w/ their lives. After all, it's not the worst thing in life to happen--not having kids. I am just hoping that I will be able to get past this issue sooner than later.....

Hope for the best for everyone.
ME--42 DH 41
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Postby Alette » Tue Dec 11, 2007 11:31 pm

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

This is the ultimate nightmare for, I think, every human being.

Please take your time to grieve.

You sound so cool about it, but I can only guess, how heartbroken you must feel.

As you can read, in my last -5th- ivf, I got really really lucky.
(I think you reading my underscript must be painful, and I hesitate to let it stand there while posting you).

I came to close to give up, for these treatments costs so much (I do not mean financially only) in hope, in anger, in pain. How much can you handle? You surely never ever have to think... if only... if only... we went on and on... because you gave everything you had... and age-limit is rather close...

I wish you all, all the best.

I know, it seems impossible to me, that you will find some peace in your life and acceptence.
You sound like a very strong woman, again, I wish you all the best.

Big hug of comfort,
Alette
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
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Postby waitingforMia » Tue Dec 11, 2007 11:58 pm

Kbat. I know how you feel. I gave up ( I thought for good) TTC two years ago b/c Dh didn't want to do another IVF and does not want to adopt. I found my strength in God and looked at my life in a diferent way. Ok, so I am not created to have a child. Then what am I created for? There must be something God wants to do with me that He cannot if I had children. I had no idea that I would be once again TTC. I really found peace with not having kids. I started investing in other people and other people's kids that I know. It wasn't an easy place to get to. When Dh kept bringing up IVF (he never before had an interest in having kids) He really had to convince me!

One story from the Bible that I draw strength from is Shadrach, Meshack and Abendego (I so butchered their names). The three of them refused to bow down and worship an image King Nebuchadnezzar declared as law, so the king threatened to throw them into the fiery furnace. SMA's response was our God is able to save us from the fiery furnace, BUT EVEN IF HE DOESN"T WE WIL STILL PRAISE HIM. The three survived the firey furnace. But that is soemthing I always pray. God I want a child, and I know you can provide me with one, but even if you don't I will still praise you.

I am sorry you are hurting.
MP
Me: 28 Dh:32
TTC 8 yrs
2/3 2 blasts transferred
2/14 BFP Beta#1: 316; Beta#2 960
2/25 - u/s one baby! :)
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Postby boonie » Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:04 am

I understand, my DH isn't warm on adoption and it's actually caused a huge strain on our marriage. God has a plan for you. That's the only thing that keeps me hanging on. Whatever you believe in, reach out and hold on to it.
Me 35
DH 36

Trying to conceive almost 6 years!
Unexplained Infertility

Lots of IUI's
1st IVF - Nov 2006 BFN
2nd IVF - Feb 2007 BFN
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Postby kbat » Wed Dec 12, 2007 12:38 pm

Thanks everyone for their words of support and encouragement!!! I know that something good will come out of this and I know that in the end God has plans for me. Sometimes I wish I knew what they were, but in the end I know that I did what I could.

I hope that you all find and get what you are looking for!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!


Kara
ME--42 DH 41
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Hi

Postby gori » Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:47 pm

Hi Kara, very sorry to hear about your tough journey. But most of us here have been thru difficult times & that's what gives us the courage to support each other. It may seem like it's not yielding any results & can be really tough to continue, but if health insurance is not an issue for you, then why not try 1-2 more times? There is nothing to lose, except of-course the endless anxiety and frustration you are exposed to, during the cycle. Have your doctors suggested a different course of action, like ICSI? I hope God gives you the strength & peace to handle the situation. And may you get your desired results soon!
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Postby kbat » Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:22 pm

Thanks for your suppport. The last 2 cycles were ICSI and the very last one was w/ assisted hatching. this past one yielded the best results up to this point--I did end up w/ an etopic pregnancy. Although it didn't quite work out the way I had hoped, I never once did get pregnant w/ the help of fertility drugs, et. the only previous pregnancy that I had was done naturally--w/ no infertility drugs, doctors, etc.

The main reason for me deciding not to go any further is mainly I can't seem to find a decent clinic in my area. Of course, you want one w/ decent results, but I think the quality of care that you get from the clinic is important. This is my 2nd clinic and they are inflexible and more or less a baby factory.

We have been back & forth about doing one more. But because my last one resulted in an etopic pregnancy, I have to wait a certain amount of time, and I don't know how much longer we'll have our current insurance as my dh is looking for a new job and this will no longer be covered at 100% (insurance is out of Mass., but once he changes jobs it will be covered at 80% and we would have to pay 20%. I know that there was a potential law out there that would limit the age insurance would have to cover you is at age 40--don't know how that ended up.)

So, lots to think about.
ME--42 DH 41
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Postby not hopeless yet » Tue Apr 08, 2008 5:43 pm

Hi Kbat-
I just have two suggestions if donor eggs and adoption aren't right for you and dh. What about trying foster care? or the Big Sisters program. Although I'm still on the fertility rollercoaster, myself, I've already started looking into both of these options.
I really feel like I need to do something positive with my life and if it's not being a mother, atleast I can be a great mentor. I haven't even been approved by Big Sis' but I already started brainstorming a ton of fun activities.
And regarding foster care, I know there's a huge risk of the child being returned to their home, but we have had a home inspection and meeting with DSS and there are children who are 90% sure won't be returning home.
And, atleast for me, this way I won't go bankrupt starting my family. I just can't afford adoption with it's $30k price tag. Well best of luck. I know we both didn't expect our life's path to turn out this way. But we have to make the best of it. Keep me posted if you decide to try either option.
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Postby kbat » Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:18 pm

not hopeless yet--

I know what you mean about the price tag. I see you are in Mass. I'm in RI and our insurance is out of MA. I've been very lucky to have 6 IVF cycles covered basically at 100% (w/ just some co-payments on the meds and office visits). I know that most others don't have this luxury and so as a result don't even get a 6th shot, so in a lot of ways I have been extremely lucky to have as many shots as I did.

I am considering volunteering at Hasbro Children's Hospital in Providence, but certainly your ideas are excellent. I may consider the Big Sister thing for sure.

best of luck to you and thanks for the wonderful suggestions.
ME--42 DH 41
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Postby not hopeless yet » Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:22 pm

Not all insurances in MA cover 100% but our coverage has been great so far. We're staying on the rollercoaster a lil longer but I may need a break til the Fall. We're going to Boston IVF, our doctor is at the Quincy location, our testing and procedures in Waltham... how bout you? And what a coincedence, I worked at RIH for 6 years. So I think Hasbro is wonderful. Good luck!
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Re: I guess I'm done....

Postby Shiella » Sat May 17, 2014 3:21 am

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