I finally have the courage to post.
I had a very very hard time after my M/C at 12 weeks last year.
Following the advice of our Dr, we gave up the IVF cycles ( I had done 4 cycles already, at 25 years old), because Dh sperm was such in bad shape that we had a very low fertilisation rate (sometimes none, the last cycle 1 embie out of 25 eggs...)
We started the adoption journey, after 9 months of investigation, we passed the panel. Then we faced a wall. Each country closed their doors to us, because either I was too young (26) or Dh too old (54).
This was so hard,as all we wanted to do was to give a loving family to a child.
After months of headaches because of paperworks, I decided I needed a break (for my mental health). So I put aside the adoption matter.
I also decided to see a therapist to help me deal mith my M/C as I was still angry at myself, the world and the baby that died inside me .
This had been great and it was much needed.
Then I told Dh that I wanted to do a last IVF cycle, with all the sperm we had left (4 vials) to help me close the IVF door forever, because it was impossible for me to do so knowing that Dh had some sperm left in the bank.
We knew that the chances of fertilisation were close to none but we went ahead. This was at the beginning of May
I had terrible pain after EC (about 30 eggs, 20 big enough) and stayed in the hospital until ET because I was sick.
On ET day, I prepared myself for the bad news and it was a total surprise when the RE told me that we had 7, yes 7 embies!!!
None were great grades. We had one 5 cells (3 days transfer), and the rest were 2 cells and fragmented. None were good enough to freeze.
I insisted to have 3 embies transfered as this was my last cycle and my last chance to have children. I got the ok from my doc.
The 2WW was hard, full of PMA one day, in tears the following...
I had been pregnant before so I was waiting for the symptoms I had last time: thrush (yes nice...) and mainly OHSS. But none happened.
I had sore boobs (but it is normal with the pessaries), AF cramps etc...
Today was my test day, I got my blood result about 10 minutes ago
BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1st beta @ 246
This is truly a miracle, the last chance pregnancy.
Of course I know that nothing is certain yet, but I am so happy that I have another chance!
I am flying back tomorrow to Dh, we have been away for more than a month now ( I am in France for the Tmt, but we live in Dubai).
I still have strong abdomen cramps and lower back cramps, my boobs are sore.
My midwife asked me to do another beta next week, I might do one in a couple of days so I can sleep at night!
I think of you, my pheonixes friends and the very special Nicki
I never thought I would be back on the board!
This HAS to work, it HAS to!!
lots of love