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I lost my twins..please tell me there is HOPE

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I lost my twins..please tell me there is HOPE

Postby Ronnie » Fri Feb 15, 2008 2:32 pm

After 2 years of treatments and a IVF I finally got pregnant, a week later we dicovered they were twins..2 months later they told us it was a boy and a girl!!! My DH and I were SO happy, walking on the moon, planning our house, imagining our childs....but when I was 16 weeks pregnant I woke up with a fever, and my Dr told me to stay in the hospital, just in case. They couldn´t find anything wrong with me and the fever was still high, 2 days later I woke up and the water bag of one of the babies had broke...it was 4am...my Dr arrived and told me I would have a M/C and lose BOTH, and my babies were still alive. I couldn´t believe it but later I started with contractions and delivered my childs vaginally and they died. It was the sadest moment of my life. Why my DH and I? Why BOTH of my babies? Now we have to start an IVF cycle AGAIN.....sometimes I really loose hope and think that I will never be a mom, that God does not want me to. Please someone give me hope because what happened was so unfair that I am afraid to believe anymore!! For 4 months I believed that my DH and I would be parents and got such a tragic dissapointment. I am doing well but really afraid.

I really need some hope. I see in the forums that I am not the first one and probably not the last and that things finally work out....

Love,
Ronnie
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Postby JesJes » Thu Feb 21, 2008 2:22 am

THis is hope, I have eneve mc's again since my tragic moment and I am still forgeing foreward. I have to, we have to! We all can do this and we will all get through this. Every day I get a little stronger and so will you. I copied a post I made to someone else like us below to tell my story. If you do decide to cycle again, I'll be your buddy. I am just getting started on a fresh cycle. My thoughts are with you!@

Jessica



Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 1:30 pm Post subject:


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My thoughts are with you. You will get through this, you will. It will get easier but it will never go away. I lost my twins this summer at 22 weeks so I know how you feel. I had a terrible pregnancy and in the end found out I have a blood clotting disorder that terminated it. We were devestated, first time I saw dh cry is after delivered them.

You need to figure out what you need to do and start again. The ONLY thing that got me through it this far is starting another cycle as soon as I could. I just pressed foreward and things are working out for me so far, and they will work out for you too.

Going back to the doctors afterward will be hard, but you will get through it. Everywhere I went afterward all I saw were pregnant women, now I barely notice them. The pain will go away but will not be forgotten.

Please let me know if I can do anything to help!
Jessica


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Postby ogr1 » Sat Feb 23, 2008 6:34 am

when i mc i held on to the fact that i was finaly able to get pregnant.
that got me threw many of nights.

listen to yourself and your body and you will find the strenght to go on.
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
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Postby Dagny » Tue Feb 26, 2008 9:38 am

Hi Ronnie

Firstly I am so sorry for your sad loss of your twins. I can really sympathise with you as I too have been through the same...

I got PG with my 3rd IVF/ICSI and was expecting a baby girl in June 2004. We were ecstatic and were so excited to meet our baby. In Feb 2004 I had my anomoly scan and was told she had a severe heart defect which was operable but the consultant was worried she had a syndrome called Di George. After much soul searching we had an amnio at 23 weeks. At 24 weeks I went into labour and gave birth to Katelyn who sadly died in my arms. She also 'didn't' have Di George! The amnio was for nothing - I still berate myself to this day - It is her 4th birthday today and I am in bits!

I got PG on my 5th IVF/ICSI and sadly lost that baby at 9 weeks - a missed miscarriage.

My 6th IVF/ICSI was a BFP too and this time I was PG with girl boy twins. My waters broke around Leah at 16 weeks just hours after a scan and check-up with my consultant who told me to relax as lightening doesn't strike twice!! I was admitted into hospital where I stayed for 6 weeks on total bed rest and anti biotics. At 20 weeks Leah was born sleeping into my hands while I was on the toilet (very traumatic!). Then 2 weeks later after thinking that I might just get to keep my son I went into labour and gave birth to Kieran at 22 weeks who sadly died in my arms too. He was perfect and was just a sad result of my waters breaking with Leah 6 weeks before.

By this point I was beginning to think I would never have a baby of my own to keep and love but here is your hope Ronnie I went on to get PG on my 7th IVF/ICSI and now have a beautiful daughter called Chloë who is 13 months old and she is amazing.

You just need to believe in yourself and keep strong - it can happen and it will happen to you. You know you can get PG and that must be of some comfort but you must give yourself time to grieve too.

Did you name your angels? I can add them to the angel creche roll call to remember them if you like...

Take care and believe...

Hugs from Dagny xxx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
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Postby Ronnie » Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:25 pm

Dagny:

Thank you SO much for your message!!! You have been though SO much I am really impressed. And thanks for giving me HOPE!!!!

What gave you strengh to be able to go though 7 IVF/ICSI...that´s a lot. I only have been though 1 and sometimes I don´t think I have the strengh to go though a second one!!!! Also, did your DH suffered a lot too? I have never seen my husband as devasted as the day I lost my babies. He was really looking forward on being a dad.

Where all those fresh cycles? I have frozen eggs (not FEmbryos) and my doctor wants to use them but the chances are not very good.

Yes, I named my angels Florencio and Maria de la Luz (Spanish names since I am from Chile, Southamerica), maybe now all of our angels are palying toguether.

Thanks a lot for the time and your story, it´s truly inspiring. I imagine what terrible must be having 3 M/C (including a very dramatic one, the one with the twins), all the hopes and memories...that happened to me, I remember my babies everywhere I go, I remember the times I was so happy and full of hope dreaming of my sons to be.... how did you managed to get though it?

Thanks a lot and big hugs from Chile!!
Ronnie
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Postby Dagny » Wed Feb 27, 2008 4:15 pm

Hi Ronnie

In answer to your questions yes all 7 of my treatments were fresh ones which was hard. We never got any embies good enough to freeze sadly so it was fresh all the time until the last time and we had 4 frozen - then when I went for my 6 week scan my consultant informed me that the clinic had had a technical fault and the freezer where our embies were broke down and all 4 perished!!! Can you believe it?? We were so angry as it put tonns of pressure on my pregnancy - thankfully Chloë was born but I did feel scared during the PG that if we lost her too we didn't have our safety net anymore.

We are in the process of taking the clinic to task...

To be honest I don't know what kept me going time after time - each loss was devastating and each treatment harder and harder as I always seemed to get OHSS as well and would spend weeks in hospital on a stomach drain and drugged up to the eyeballs! All my pregnancies were terrible for the 1st 4 months with major major sickness and again admissions to hospital.

I don't do things by half lol!!

I will add your beautiful twins names onto the rollcall hun so they will be remembered.

Keep going on that rollercoaster Ronnie you will succeed - have faith.

Love Dagny xxx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
Dagny
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Location: Redhill, Surrey

Postby Ronnie » Fri May 23, 2008 2:52 pm

Jessica:

Congratulations! You are pregnant again.

I hope that everything works out this time. I just wanted you to know that your story gives me hope. Hope that, even losing my twins (like you did) you can get up, face another treatment and get pregnant again. I am still waiting to start another cycle, they want to get some things in order. Did they tell you what caused your M/C?

My prayers are with you!
Did you have an U/S yet?

Ronnie
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Postby JesJes » Mon May 26, 2008 6:09 pm

Ronnie wrote:Jessica:

Congratulations! You are pregnant again.

I hope that everything works out this time. I just wanted you to know that your story gives me hope. Hope that, even losing my twins (like you did) you can get up, face another treatment and get pregnant again. I am still waiting to start another cycle, they want to get some things in order. Did they tell you what caused your M/C?

My prayers are with you!
Did you have an U/S yet?

Ronnie


Thank You for your message! Yes, I found out that I have a blood clotting disorder called Protein S Def and Anti Thrombin III. I have been on meds daily since we found out about it and am taking Lovenox now that I am pregnant again. I am having one this time, saw heartbeat last week!

You will go on, it has been hard, but I feellike I need to keep trying until my body and mind tell me to stop! I will make this deam a reality someday even if I go the adoption route, I will be a mommy and so will you! Good luck and keep me posted!
Jessica


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Postby IVFMUM » Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:07 pm

I know its been a while since your original post, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
ME 33 & DH 38 unexplained infertility.
1st full ivf jan 2001 - twins. 1 frostie - didn't survive thawing
2nd full ivf March 2003 - preg but m/c
1 frostie - fet June 2003 - baby born March 2004
3rd full IVF May/June 07 - BFP - born Feb 2008
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