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confused

Postby 5574 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:22 pm

Hi, I am new to this forum. Been trying to conceive for 4 years, had 3 failed IUI and I am feeling very depressed, always losing my temper and at times i will just break down and cry. Don't quite understand why I am feeling this way. Had always thought I had control over the situation until of late. Not sure if its the work stress.

Can anyone help me out here? thought of going for counseling but there is none available.
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Postby angelaezra » Sat Nov 22, 2008 9:41 pm

I think a lot of women on this site can relate to you. It is very difficult and stressful not to be able to conceive when you plan for it. I never thought I would encounter this in my life but here I am.

I think your first step should involve you understanding that this is not your fault and this does not make you less of a person because you have a difficult time conceiving. It took me a very long time to realize that...! The second thing I would recommend is for you to do some soul searching and try to figure out what is really making you upset. I know there is always going to be something that triggers it but you need to find out the real source. The third thing I think needs to happen is you need to discover that you being a mother will not define you. For example, if it doesn't happen for you, you will still have a happy life! I say this because I have been through several difficult pregnancies and each one takes something from you when they are not successful. Please remember this is only my perception and you might get several other replies with different responses but I have been dealing with infertility for over 8 years (so a lot of experience :) )!

Lastly, I woudld urge your fertility specialist to determine the medical cause for you infertility. So they might need to do a more thorough work up of you and DH. And, if you already have consulted a RE and they can't find anything, maybe it is time to find another RE.

If you need to talk we are here!

Angela
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1 miscarriage 2002 (nat)
1 ectopic pregnancy 2006 (nat)
1st IVF 10/08-BFP twins/misc-6 1/2 wks & stillbirth 21 wks
2nd FET 6/09-BFN
3rd IVF 2010-April-BFP - DD born 12/7/10

Lost Ashley Nicole Thomas at 21 weeks
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Postby not hopeless yet » Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:50 pm

Hi 5574-
First of all welcome to the site. Angela is right, the ladies on these boards are amazing and here if you want to vent, support, share excitement, disappointment... everything you're feeling is normal.

All I can say is this TOTALLY SUCKS and it seems to me that friends and family are clueless about what we have to go through emotionally, physically, financially... So when I can't lean on DH I turn to these boards. The women on here know every step, poking, prodding, hormones, anxieties, etc.

After our 5th failed IUI and tons of shots and tests I was feeling just like you. Crying all the time (at work, on the train ride to and from work, at home) and I noticed I was particularly snappy and moody with DH. It wasn't fair that we couldn't have kids but now I felt like a bad wife for snapping at DH on top of everything else? God, does this infertility rollercoaster get any better?

But I gave myself some time to recover, pampered myself with a mini-vacation, massage, and pedicure. And now I'm motivated (and nervous) to start our first IVF. Also, I started seeing a therapist although she doesn't specialize in fertility but i've found that has helped my mood. So maybe you can talk to your primary care physician about recommending you someone to talk to because your fertility clinic doesn't offer one.

Best of luck!
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