Not sure if you continue to follow replies to your post but I wanted to let you know that there are so many of us out here feeling many of the same emotions, wanting so many of the same things and we are here to listen.
It is hard when we want what we want and it is not happening. I truly believe that God does have a plan for each of us and that plans shows itself on God's time. I know this is a very frustrating answer but I truly believe this in my heart.
My family was blessed to care for a foster child for almost 2 1/2 years with discussions from family services that, if we endured, we would eventually be able to adopt this little wonderful boy. Unfortunately that was not to be; he was returned to a biological parent and we never received so much as a thank you from the bio mom for the care we provided. I was devastated and so depressed. My mom continued to tell me that God has a plan for each of us and we must find our strength to continue, even at the lowest of times.
This past June we were truly blessed by the birth of our daughter, conceived through IVF, our third IVF try. None of it was easy but I survived and feel blessed each and every day.
I don't know what God's plan might be for you and your family but it was be revealed to you, on God's time, and it will be good.
Look to your supports, friends, family. Think about the many things in your life that make you happy or made you happy in the past. It may be time to rediscover joys and activities that you haven't done in awhile.
I do believe you should follow up with a counselor. If your current counselor charges too much, you may have to seek another. Many charge on sliding scales or check your insurance, you may find one with a lower rate or co-pay. There is always hope.
I hope you are still out there, following posts, talking to people. Life is a journey, up hills and down and the downs can really seem to never stop sometimes.
Good luck and please feel free to continue to reach out to people. You will heal.
One son, 9 years old and beautiful, born 2001; 1st IVF (mid 2005): BFN; 2nd IVF (late 2005): BFN; 3rd IVF (10/08): BFP!!!! Beta 1 (10/30/08): 452; Beta 2 (11/04/08): 4094. Daughter born 06/28/09--we are truly blessed!