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Advice anyone?

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Advice anyone?

Postby felinemom » Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:28 pm

So did anyone see the Dr. Phil episode last week on infertility? They had 3 couples... and although I'm childless something the woman, whom already has 1 child and is fighting with her husband about IVF for a second, said really struck home with me. I can't remember exactly what she said but it was something to the effect of - I feel like our family is incomplete... there's still a child waiting to be born that I already have love for!

Bottom line is, I've been through the wringer for the last 5 years and among other treatments I've had 2 failed IVFs. DH was totally opposed to IVF from the beginning and fought me tooth and nail during the second one. I'm ready to try again but he's against it. I KNOW he doesn't want children as much as me. But he also uses the excuse that the fertility drugs are causing my body harm.

I don't know what to do? I feel the same as the woman on Dr. Phil... like there are little beings waiting to be born that I already know and have love for. Maybe the timing just hasn't been right. I know there are plenty of children waiting for adoption but its not the same as having your own. Who wouldn't want to know what their biological children might look like? Something DH and I created? how smart they'd be? funny? cute?

And I feel like DH makes me feel guilty for wanting to experience pregnancy instead of just accepting (a) adoption, or (b) a childless life. He'd be totally content traveling the world or sleeping late on the weekends without kids waking him up. But I feel like my life is incomplete and bearing a child is such a natural thing to do that I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to keep trying.

Well, I know this post is getting a little lengthy. So thanks for taking the time to read it. Any advice?
have two 4-legged children
(cats!)
5yrs TTC
2 failed IVFs
what to do now?
felinemom
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Postby hrobinson » Sun Sep 20, 2009 10:05 pm

When I was trying to decide about IVF or not my sister-in-law told me that I needed to do what was right for my husband and I. She also said that if I thought in 10 years I would regret not doing IVF, then I needed to do it. needless to say that we did do it. and, hopefully will be doing it again next summer.
most importantly I think you need to do what both you and your hsband want. Talk about it, find out what his real concerns are, maybe put it off for a little bit and then approach the suject again.

I wish you best of luck on this.
hrobinson
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Postby GracePatricia » Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:40 pm

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Tried Everything.
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Postby jenice » Fri Oct 09, 2009 12:50 am

Felinemom, I just read your story and my heart breaks for you. I have a child which I did had some fertility issues. TTC #2 for the last 2 years have had failed IUI 2 cancelled IVF and one failed cycle. I'm still going to continue to try for my child to have a sibling. I must say if you can financially afford it to I would.It is an amazing experience to have a child I would never regret it ever. It sounds like in your heart you are not ready to give up. Sometimes I know my hubby wants it more than me, which upsets me that I feel pressure to continue.Sometimes I feel I should be thankful for what we have and leave it@ that, but I do want another.Tell your hubby in good times or bad were your vows and if this is what would make you happy then the decision was already made !!!!!!
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