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Q. about anger.

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Q. about anger.

Postby DebraP » Thu Apr 22, 2004 8:14 pm

Hello. I've not posted on this board before. I'd really welcome any feedback or ideas about an issue I have to assume is a result of failed tmts.

Over the past 2 years, I've had one full ivf (2001 - successful) one natural FET (Jan 04 - negative) and one assisted FET (Feb.04 - positive but mc at 5 weeks). We'd agreed up front that 3 tries would be our limit so we've now finished.

My problem is a residual extreme anger. I assumed that after the mc, and I stopped taking the meds (Progynova and pessaries), that my emotional ups and downs would subside but it hasn't. I have never had a very quick temper before and find this quite scary. If I'm under any kind of stress, I can completely freak out over small things, doors slamming in the breeze etc or DF not doing something the minute I ask him to. I slammed a tool box top tonight over and over again because it wouldn't shut properly. The worst is that I'm constantly doing this to DF. I even screeched and raised my hand to him at the weekend because he dropped something on a stone floor at midnight, waking the baby up just minutes after she'd had fallen asleep having been crying all evening.

I feel like I'm going mad. I wonder if it's residual drugs in my system (I stopped taking them 5.5 weeks ago). Or if I'm sad/angry at our failure and this is how it's coming out or something else?? the menopause? I've just turned 40 and menopause isn't early in my family...what else could it be?

Does this sound remotely similar to anyone else's experience? I've not considered counselling as I live in Norway and my Norwegian isn't good enough for the couch! My clinic is small and private and help has never been offered.

Any ideas? I don't want to be like this.
Debra.
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Postby Alison » Sat Apr 24, 2004 9:35 am

Hi Debra, I'm really sorry to hear about your recent m/c. I think I understand exactly what you mean about anger - in fact, my last post on here (in reply to Grace's Easter message a couple of weeks ago), was exactly about how angry I felt. I think I described it as like PMT but 10 times worse! For me, I put it down mainly to a feeling of life just not being fair (I have blocked - and now removed - tubes, and we've had 6 unsuccessful tmts), and also a feeling of powerlessness. I guess like most people who've been through fertility tmt, I'm one of those people who, if there's a problem or a barrier, I want to find the way around it. And I think I still believe on one level that if you try hard enough you'll get what you want, and so our decision to not put ourselves through tmt again feels like giving up and failure.

I don't want to depress you (!), but these are emotions that I'm feeling 5 months after our last unsuccessful tmt, rather than 5 weeks, and so its hardly surprising that you're feeling as you do - mentally you've had to adjust very quickly to being on your way to completing your family to feeling that you won't be able to do that, and no doubt your hormones are all over the place. I know its a terrible cliche, but things do get easier over time. Don't beat yourself up about occasional bursts of temper, and try to give yourself some space and time away from your partner and daughter so you can grieve for what might have been. Oh, and try to talk to your partner too about how your both feeling.

Wishing you all the very best - and do pop back over here and tell us how you're feeling.

Love

Alison xx
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Postby DebraP » Sun Apr 25, 2004 9:42 pm

Alison, Thank you. Just knowing someone else feels/felt this pent up anger helped me enormously. I've decided this weekend that I need to find an outlet for my feelings and will try rejoining the gym. I'm very unmotivated right now plus am over eating so really need to work up a sweat again. I stopped exercising in December and it can only help. I'd like to find a punching bag too, although they're not in most gyms here. Last time I took up boxer-cise I skinned all my knuckles in the first class and couldn't go back for a fortnight!

You are right, I also need to give myself time. I do talk to DF about how I feel and hopefully, with his continued support, this will work its way out.

Thankyou again,
love
Debra.
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