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New to the group.....Looking for support

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

New to the group.....Looking for support

Postby CALOCH » Thu May 13, 2004 11:41 pm

I have never used a message board before or a chat room but I am feeling a little desperate for support. My husban (37) and I (33) have been married 5 years. About 3 years ago we discoved we had a extremely low sperm count. We just complete our first IVF attempt which included my husband having to go through surgery so our Dr. could attempt to capture some sperm within the testicle for an ICSI attempt. The process was going smoothly for me. Shots went fine, retrieved 13 eggs. Unfortunately only 2 fertilized. We were lucky enough to get strong embryos but......NO pregnancy (I just found out yesterday). I know I should have been better prepared for disapointing news but.....I guess I wasn't. Does anyone have any motivational thoughts they could share? I could use a little wisdom.....Currently not sure how to get through to my follow up appointment.
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Postby Tracey S » Fri May 14, 2004 12:06 pm

Caloch

Just popped over here as like to follow my friends like Grace and Becky etc to check all ok with them. Have you tried the General Forum too as this might provide more advice and motivational chats than you want!!!

Sorry for your negative tmt. How do you get through it to your review you ask? Well we are all different and I don't know you well enough or at all let's be honest to comment on your personality but I found my first IVF disappointment the worst of all really. I have had 5 tmts in all! My first resulted in AF arriving and then found out I was actually pg but ectopic so had surgery for that and then got married 2 weeks after! This helped me get over things more as had wedding and honeymoon to concentrate on - I presume you don;t have this as already married!

The answer for me is little steps - I have had to try this through my long and tortous IVF tmt and always recommend it to others. The sense of disappointment is huge I know as we all build our hopes up despite being told not to as we are finally doing something and we all know there is a real chance of getting pg and then BANG down to earth!
Try not to dwell on the what if's and blame yourself and keep driving yourself mad with wondering where on earth those embies go (wish I had the answer to that one I would be rich!)
I know it has not worked but this does not mean it won't. I remember asking a nurse if it would ever work and when she asked me how many tmts I had had and got the reply "one" - she just laughed and I felt better.
The review I hasten to add might give you some answers but more often than not it does not as things are fine until implantation and then they do not have a clue what has gone wrong.
These embryos were not meant to be for whatever reason but you have time on your side - it might not seem it but you do so take a big breath and go again.............. your dream could be just around the corner
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Tracey S
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Thank you Tracey

Postby CALOCH » Fri May 14, 2004 1:46 pm

Tracey,

Thank you!! I think my husband and I are leaning toward a second attempt. Although you don't know very much about me, you hit the nail on the head as far as how I am feeling and what I needed to hear. I admire your strength and appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Duh!! I intended to post my comment on the General Forum. Like I said, not sure what I am doing.

Love,
CALOCH
CALOCH
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Joined: Thu May 13, 2004 11:28 pm

Postby Tracey S » Fri May 14, 2004 2:07 pm

Caloch

You are very welcome - just copy and paste it over to the General - or if you want me to then just ask and I will put it over there - the support you will get will be enormous and there are several people in the same boat.

If you can financially afford it (and it is a drain isn't it?) then go again. THis sounds awful but often the first IVF can be a "suck it and see" - some are lucky and find they get a big ++++++ but for others they see how you responded etc and tailor it for next time. Might I suggest that you have some questions ready for them and ask them what if anything they will do differently - ie will they up your drugs or change them to get a better response in terms of Egg collection - if you need help on this then just ask us.
Meanwhile spend time with each other and deal with it like a grieving process and gives yourselves time to mend and your body. If you can find the strenth go again - the second time is better than the first!
Good luck
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Tracey S
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Postby datkins » Fri May 14, 2004 2:11 pm

I am going through the same thing that you are--except it's me and not my husband. My tubes are totally blocked, and IVF is our only chance. WE start everything tomorrow, and my biggest fear is that it won't work. Any advice?
Dana :?:
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Postby Tracey S » Fri May 14, 2004 2:22 pm

Dana

Have you posted on the general board too as you will get support for others going through tmt now etc - look out for the MCB - may cycle board!

I am of the totally knackered tube variety - both severly blocked and then after first IVF ended in ectopic they took the tube out and clipped the other as they could not get the wretched thing out and I did not want to go down that avenue of displeasure again.
Advice??? WEll take a deep breath and be prepared for a roller coaster. When you say you start tomorrow do you mean down regulation - if so this makes you totally hormonal and you will feel like you are having the menapause - grumpy and tearful. Try not to argue with your partner/husband but prepare him as you can turn in to a right witch I am afraid!
Injecting if you are doing it was nowhere near as bad as I thought - I had the auto injector and was fine but I was in a right tizzy about it in the lead up - thought might keep getting air bubbles in it and give myself the benz!!!! honestly what a nightmare! Try and rest as much as possible - I was a 60 hour a week merchant in my job and it started to take it's toll.
Always drink loads especially when you are stimulating the ovaries - you must drink as much as you can - I can't stress this enough - do at least 3 or 4 litres a day plus - this sounds loads but it's good for you and try and wedge some milk in there too. Add flavour if you don't like it. Otherwise try and carry on as normal - this sounds daft and you may think I have probably lost the plot - some might agree.

Try not to get your hopes up but at the same time PMA always doe you good - think positively - it does work
Good luck
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Tracey S
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Posts: 2175
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:48 am
Location: Lincs

Postby CALOCH » Fri May 14, 2004 5:48 pm

Dana,

For me, it really is a catch 22. I know it is smart to realize it may not work but.......My doctor told me it was heathy to think positive. I got SO wrapped up in the excitement of a baby that I was having twins in my mind. As a result, I think the disapointment was worse. What made me feel good was knowing my friends and family were truly pulling for me. When I would tell them where I was in the process or what the Dr. said, they would say "We are pulling for you" or "I am praying for you". I am truly not an extremely religious person but......It felt good. That's why I am on this message board. I was a little afraid at first that someone might be mean to me because.......I don't know what I am doing (obviously, I posted on the wrong board). But........I had to take a chance, it was more important to communicate with others that understand. Having said all that,.............Please know I am pulling for you and praying for you. I also agree with Tracey......shots didn't hurt at all. I didn't even feel the Progesterone intramuscular shots and I was scared of those the most. I did ice the area a little before the shot. One thing I did that I would NOT do again........I went to work the day after my egg retrieval. I was still loopy from the drugs they gave me......but it did not hurt at all.

Love,
CALOCH
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