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Saying Goodbye

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Saying Goodbye

Postby MamaBoo » Thu Jan 06, 2011 11:50 pm

My first IVF ended in MC at around 6 weeks. I do not know why. Things didn't seem quite normal on the u/s RE did due to bleeding. A followup u/s 10 days later confirmed our worst fears...it was over. We grieved.

Our FET was entered into with a certain amount of trepidation. I was pregnant with twins. I saw both heartbeats, but one twin measured a week behind the other. Baby B didn't develope further. I grieve you too. Many people acted as though it didn't matter. You still have one, and I did and do. He is worth all we've been through. However, I grieve my other precious ones that did not have the chance to be held in Mommy's arms and cuddled and kissed. I love you too.
Me 34 endo, MTHFR, clotting issues
DH 47 semi-low morphology
TTC 6 yrs
3 IUI's all BFN
IVF#1: 10/08 BFP early MC
FET#1: 03/09 BFP
DS born 11/28/09
FET#2: 03/11
DS born 11/21/2011
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby Sunshine1576 » Mon Jan 10, 2011 1:14 am

Mamaboo,
I meant to respond sooner, but your post had me remembering our lost too, last April.. It seems like it happened yesterday...The truth is we will never get over the lost. It feels exactly like loosing a loved one! I thought nmy world was over when we went for the second u/s, but heard no heartbeat. It was the most dramatic thing. Each day we have gotten stronger and more determined to make a change or try new things. All I do know is our perservence is going to make us great parents someday. :D
Much Love-
Sunshine1576
Married 13 yrs
36, unexplained
1 natural pg- m/c at 7 wks
(2010-2012) 4 IUIs, 2 IVFs
FET cycle 2/25/2013
Beta: 95, 390, 1361
3/27 HR 140
4/10 HR 184
4/17 Released from RE
6/21 Found out we are having a BOY!
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby gi » Mon Jan 10, 2011 8:04 pm

Mamaboo,

Congrats on your pregnancy (and please God all will be well) and i am so sorry to hear of losses, no matter how early the pregnancy is its just so devastating to be told your worst fears have come thro. Some people are just too insensitive and of course you should grieve the loss of your twin, it was your baby and its own little life your heart will heal but never forget. Our 1st loss after 5 attempts should have been celebrating its 1st birthday last wk and even though i have a precious little girl i will never forget the 2 babies that never made it, seeing my little girl has made me realise exactly what i have lost and each time an annivarsary comes around i shed a tear. I miss my little babies too.

gi xx
7th IVF finally our precious miracle girl Kayla born 24/11/10, 8th IVF FET Sept 2012 BFP!!!
Its TRIPLETS!!!!
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby MamaBoo » Sun Jan 16, 2011 3:57 pm

Thank you gi. I did carry that pregnancy to term and have a wonderful little boy. He is almost 14 mos old. :D We are now beginning our journey anew for a little sibling or two. I am positive, but nervous. I felt it was very important for me to say goodbye and how much I loved the others too. It is such mixed emotions with this whole process. The elation of becoming a mommy...finally. However, the sadness for the others who did not make it. I know everyone here understands, no one else could.
Me 34 endo, MTHFR, clotting issues
DH 47 semi-low morphology
TTC 6 yrs
3 IUI's all BFN
IVF#1: 10/08 BFP early MC
FET#1: 03/09 BFP
DS born 11/28/09
FET#2: 03/11
DS born 11/21/2011
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby applejar » Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:23 pm

This was such a sweet post. We have not started with IVF yet, but we had a miscarriage last year. So many people expect you to move on quickly, as if the fact that you never got to meet them meant you didn't already love them that much.
"This to shall pass."
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby debbiefrip » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:48 pm

I lost a child 3 months after my second IVF. It is heartbreaking and earth shattering. I didn't think I would ever move on. It is so hard to say goodbye. Someday I will have my own child to hold, until then it is really hard putting the child I lost behind me. My hearts go out to you all.
2 IVF's and still waiting with Alert 1 and my dh.
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sex hgererdfk

Postby Atgyyhsde » Sun Feb 13, 2011 12:47 pm

sex here.
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby MamaBoo » Sun Feb 13, 2011 9:30 pm

Debbie: I am sorry about your loss. It is very hard to get over. Allow yourself time to grieve. At one point after I lost my baby after my first IVF, my husband told me how brave he thought I was being. I told him I wasn't brave, I had no choice. I just wanted to die, go to heaven and find my baby and we would wait for him there. :( :cry: It was really hard to get through. I was terrified when the FET worked. I had a few bleeds and just could not believe it was going to turn out well. However, thankfully, it did. Please, do not give up. Miracles do still happen. No baby takes the place of another, however, my son has helped me heal.
Me 34 endo, MTHFR, clotting issues
DH 47 semi-low morphology
TTC 6 yrs
3 IUI's all BFN
IVF#1: 10/08 BFP early MC
FET#1: 03/09 BFP
DS born 11/28/09
FET#2: 03/11
DS born 11/21/2011
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby DALLAS » Mon Feb 28, 2011 1:29 pm

Upon doing my 6wk u/s last Monday we did not see a heartbeat, I was told to come back 4 days later on Friday... still no heartbeat. It is devastating. I never realized how attached you become to that baby even so early. I felt that this was "my child" already. My husband is supportive, but I dont think he can really actually understand my feelings and disappointment. The worst part is that i havent actually m/c yet. I have been waiting and waiting but I think this may be the worst punishment of all. I am currently waiting on my RE to call in some meds this morning to facilitate the process. I meet back with my RE on Thursday to discuss my next treatment plan. It will be my 2nd IVF and probably the last I can afford. I just hope I havent already received my only BFP. I hope the odds are in my favor to grab a 2nd BFP in a row... and carry to term. I hope I can start my next cycle ASAP. I wonder how long I will have to wait.
me- 31, endo, low egg reserve
dh - 31, perfect!
IVF #1 - m/c at 6wks
IVF #2 - donor cycle
Beta 1 = 183, beta 2 = 606, beta 3 = 3560
Ethan Finn & Avery Lynn born 1/3/12!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby MamaBoo » Tue Mar 01, 2011 1:16 am

Dallas: I am so sorry. You do become very attached very quickly. I hope with all my heart you have your little one with you this time next year. When I had a m/c my RE told me I had to wait 8 weeks. However, I do not think all are that strict.
Me 34 endo, MTHFR, clotting issues
DH 47 semi-low morphology
TTC 6 yrs
3 IUI's all BFN
IVF#1: 10/08 BFP early MC
FET#1: 03/09 BFP
DS born 11/28/09
FET#2: 03/11
DS born 11/21/2011
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Re: Saying Goodbye

Postby gi » Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:59 pm

Dallas i am so sorry for your loss, miscarriage for anyone is devastating but when you have to add ivf to the equation its just heartbreaking as its not as if we can get pregnant easily. My 1st loss (on my 5th ivf) was like yours went to get the fisrt u/s at 7 wks and baby measured 1 wk behind with very low heart rate, it "died" a week later and i had to have a d&c at 9 wks "pregnant" as there was no sign of me losing naturally. Amazingly we got a bfp on our 6th attempt but baby died at 10wks (missed miscarriage) , i seriously didnt think it was possible to conceive 3 times in a row but we did and our little miracle is now 3 mths old, there will be tough and dark days ahead for you but believe me when you finally get your baby it will be worth all the hearthache, you will never forget your little one but learn to live with it. I had to wait for 1 period before going onto next cycle (it took about 6 wks to get AF after d&c). Hugs to you and dh, i wish you the very best in the future.

gi xx
7th IVF finally our precious miracle girl Kayla born 24/11/10, 8th IVF FET Sept 2012 BFP!!!
Its TRIPLETS!!!!
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