Post
by babyluv3 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 7:16 pm
Oh I second DandMe about sex and milk!!! lol, nothing sexier than leaking milk. I suggest feeding the baby or pumping right beforehand (or wearing a bra). I was shocked at how painful sex the first time was because I had a c/s. I totally thought I wouldn't hurt that much since I didn't use anything down there to deliver, but how wrong I was! Use KY the first couple of times.
Whoever said just be a good mom not a perfect one hit it right on the head! You absolutely, 100% CANNOT be prepared for mommy guilt!
It's OK if your baby cries!! Don't let him go on for hours, but sometimes they just need to learn to soothe themselves. They will survive, trust me. I've had many times when the twins were crying to be held and I was tending to my older two. They can't always have my full attention. They have not been scarred for life, it has not hurt our bonding...they HAVE learned to entertain themselves when they need to! Not that they don't cry, and not that I don't hold them and shower them with attention...but not all the time. You need breaks. If you want to take a shower and baby just wants to be held, well, put the baby in a safe place (crib, bouncy seat, etc) and take a shower! I usually bring my girls into the bathroom with me just for a change of scenery. They love it.
Another thing about crying. If the baby just will not stop and you can't handle the noise WALK AWAY! It is FAR easier to shake a baby than you might realize. The crying is annoying, and when they don't stop it can be downright maddening! I know a little girl who just died 10 months after her father shook her. Her family has been through hell over the past year. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just walk away.
If you find you are not being an effective parent because of lack of sleep...turn the monitor off. My husband had to force my hand on this when we moved the girls upstairs at 1 month, but he was right and it worked. I fed them, changed them, put them down and set my alarm for their next feeding. Monitor off. If they were awake, I would feed. If they were asleep, I would turn the sound on and go back to sleep until they woke up. That way I was always able to get some rest in and I didn't have to listen to every tiny noise they made (or cry because they didn't want to sleep...they had to learn). After a few days they learned to go right back to sleep after eating.
As others have said, you need to go with your gut. YOU are the mom and YOU will know your baby better than anyone. Sometimes the "experts" give bad advice. We live in a culture where everything tends to revolve around the child, not the family as a unit. In the end, it only ends up hurting everyone if you can't balance it out. Every book you read will tell you something different. Take it all with a grain of salt (except things you KNOW you shouldn't do) and figure out what works for you.
IVF 1-2: BFN
IVF 3: BFP! TWINS!