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Nightmares of surrpgacy

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Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Cammy » Wed Sep 17, 2014 7:15 am

Hello, Ladies! I want to start this topic in order to prevent many couples from mistake. I hope that information will be useful for couples who only start to dream about children and begin looking for surrogacy or egg donation treatment. Unfortunately in many European countries such treatment is prohibited. Not giving up, we try to find other option and solutions of infertility. There is no woman I think who deserve to struggle of infertility. I want everyone shares his infertility or surrogacy story, good or bad. It is not that case when people should have the lesson from their own mistakes. If only I could know, I could protect myself from many troubles. I would like to share my experience the first) I hope other people add their replies here. We should be a team and should be helpful. Now I have my child and I am very happy. But it was too difficult way to achieve my aim.
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Cammy » Wed Sep 17, 2014 7:52 am

During 7 years my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant. We started to work towards my pregnancy when I was 27 years old, and my husband – 30. In the beginning, we had not really paid attention to the fact that pregnancy did not come but after a year of failures we began to think about it. We started to visit doctors, passed various medical tests and went through different examinations. And one day doctor voiced me diagnose – it was severe endometriosis and infertility. We kept our end up: used various methods of both traditional and alternative medicine. I was treated with the help of hormonal preparations. During six months, doctor had caused complete absence of menstrual periods using strong medicines and endometriosis atrophied on its own. But I went through serious side effects after such treatment. After that, I experienced a surgical treatment. Doctor used laparoscopy procedure and removed endometriosis. Nevertheless I couldn’t get pregnant. In addition I tried homeopathic herbs. To our deep regret my health condition became worse after all these treatments and I was not pregnant. We understood that time is getting on and we need to decide what we will do in such situation. Surrogacy was the only chance for us to become happy parents. We studied all the information about the countries where such program is conducted, pricing and so on. I am from US. Actually I am not American, but I became a citizen because my husband is native citizen of US. We are not very wealthy, but we have enough money to ensure normal life. We made the first attempt in US. It was very expensive even for us. Unexpectedly we were very surprised with the final price for donation program. Moreover it was much more than first proposal. But we decided to go directly to our aim. In two words, we spent a lot of money and we were failed. You will think I am stupid(( But doctors and manager were very convincing and persuasive. So we decided not to change the place and go for the next attempt. They assured us that it would be successful attempt. We believed. We tried to have positive attitude despite of the fears. But unfortunately we had bad luck(( We paid one more time for second attempt. So finally we lost the money which was collected for my pregnancy. We were completely desperate(( But I started to look for the clinics abroad. We paid our attention to the cost of the program. We hadn’t other choice only to look for not European country. As you understood famous and reputable clinic doesn’t give you guarantee you will have a child. But your wallet will definitely become thinner. It is not a solution to collect money for the most expensive clinic. It is not a factory of making children and you cannot be sure.
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Cammy » Wed Sep 17, 2014 8:29 am

As a result, we decided in favor of Thailand. My husband and I thought that we have dreamed to visit this exotic place. Moreover surrogacy there can be fulfilled at an affordable price. Our couple is a common, average family. We do not have serious bank accounts and wealthy relatives. Therefore, we chose cheap variants. Thailand are one of the cheapest country for the surrogate motherhood. With great hope and enthusiasm we went to the Thai clinic. There, we spent a lot of money. And even after 4 attempts we did not reach positive result. Doctors, of course, explained it with the specifics of such procedure, organism’s and embryo’s peculiarities and so on and so on. But a fat lot of good that will do us! We spent all our savings and went home without child. I want to say a few words concerning general impression regarding Thai clinic. In general, it could be seen rather weak organization of work. Surrogate mothers are not checked as must be. Their attitude towards the role they perform is rather specific and negative. They do not feel responsibility and care for the child they carry. All the time, we were accompanied by a feeling of uncertainty towards doctor’s actions, felt fear if all goes as it should be and if they really conduct real embryo transfer... In a word, Thailand was a horror for us. We spent all our money. We had no result but only sense of despair and distrust of clinics for human reproduction. Returning home, during about a year we renovated our psychological condition and raised money for the next attempt. We also tried our luck in Georgia. As for Georgia, it met us with a great comfort, beauty and hospitality. In the New Life clinic we found none defects. There we found high level of medical treatment, European service, and attentiveness of staff to patients, good doctors. Everything was perfect but there was no result... In a word, being disappointed in three clinics, we realized that we just cannot financially be able to buy more than one attempt.
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Mily » Wed Sep 17, 2014 8:48 am

Many people now choose surrogacy in India while there are many other possible options. I just wish people share their true stories about India and maybe other countries. I have both good and bad news about our experience with surrogacy in India. The good news is that we had our beautiful baby. Although we are happy to have her, we had the most painful and traumatic time in India because of the corruption, the bribery and the unethical behavior with our doctor there. We went to a doctor in New Delhi who burned us badly while in India. She extorted money from us by changing prices at the last minute. And then we purposely delayed our exit visa process to bring our baby home. So that she can get the money out of us. We were stuck there nearly 2 months! It was awful. We had to pay a lot of bribes and the additional money she wanted. Because the doctors have full control of the surrogate and your baby, they hang that over you. It was truly a very scary and traumatic experience. I would never recommend to go there unless you have a strong stomach and very good connections. Also, there's been a lot of trouble with bringing babies home because of the lawlessness and corruption there. So, make sure you are very careful and search for stories about the Indian doctor. Even look into surrogacy in places like Texas, which is getting to be the same price as India. A package in India costs around US$25,00+ 2 trips to India and the weeks of travel expenses can quickly add up to US$40,000 easily, unless you live in a dump for several weeks. A package in Texas can be around $50,000 and everything is legalized and the laws are strong there. Besides, once the baby is born in the U.S. , it instantly becomes a U.S. citizen and not "stateless", thus making it easier for parents in Europe to bring their baby home. Also there is Ukraine, where surrogacy is very popular nowadays. And the cost of surrogacy program in Ukraine is near 30.000 euro. And as I know it includes everything possible a client can need in strange country. You should be very careful searching for the country. It could be better if you learn the legislation first. Of course you can face the corruption everywhere. But there are some countries where you can fight it)
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Mily » Wed Sep 17, 2014 9:14 am

I have found some information which more or less can show the cons of India. Moreover Europeans and Indians are very different to understand and except the lifestyle of each other.
1. Culture shock: If you haven't traveled, been to a third world country, and aren't familiar with Indian culture you are in for a shock. But if you open up your mind and prepare yourself it can be an amazing trip and a wonderfully life changing experience. I married into an Indian family and had spent a month there 8 years before we tried surrogacy so it was a lot easier for me and I knew what to expect. If you are borderline OCD and like everything antiseptically clean and hate crowds and traffic, India may not be for you. In my personal opinion things are much cleaner than they appear, but Westerners are used to everything being new and bright and shiny.
2. Communication: The language barrier, cultural differences, and time zone will pose definite challenges. As someone who has suffered from the pain of infertility, you are likely to have some control freakishness going on so the lack of clear communication will be hard to handle but can be well worth the frustration when the baby is finally in your arms.
3. Emotional connection: There will not be much of one, either with the surrogate or your baby. You are having a baby by email, and it may not feel like this is actually happening until there is a screaming infant being handed to you. You may connect with the surrogate, but since you don't have ether lifestyle or language in common it isn't likely. You will have the baby in common, and that is enough. It is primarily a business arrangement, and there is really nothing wrong with that. It's great if you can have a local surrogate in your home country and ya'll become beasties and can share in every moment of the pregnancy, but it's not somehow morally wrong if that isn't your reality.
4. Medical standards: They do a great job at Indian NICU's. Don't get me wrong. But having experienced both I can confidently say that they cannot compete with American medical care, even if it is simply because of the available technology and not the doctor's skill level. Availability of experienced specialists is more limited. You have to hope you won't wind up in this boat, but you can do everything right and it can't always be prevented. They may be able to treat the symptoms pretty well but not give a solid diagnosis, and advanced therapies may not be available. I've felt guilty that my daughter needed more medical care and expertise than was available, but the fact is my guilt is misguided because I would have done surrogacy in America if I could have afforded it and I've done everything in my power to give her the best care I can possibly provide.
5. Baby born premature or with medical problems: This can happen anywhere, even if you have a well screened egg or sperm donor and your surrogate does everything right and has no complications. But since this baby is in another country where you don't live, you could be in for a long and expensive ride. Your insurance may not cover out of country care or put up a fight about coverage, even though it is far less expensive there. You might have to live in India for many months, or wait to join your baby until they are discharged from the NICU. You may have to medevac your child out. (Check out the Rasta Less Traveled blog for what this can be like). This part of the journey did indeed suck, but we made it through to the other side and have two beautiful babies and have our happily ever after.
6. Death of the surrogate: Though not a risk exclusive to India it bears mentioning. I only know of this happening once, and it couldn't have been prevented or anticipated. It was an educated risk the surrogate or any woman takes on in a pregnancy, so your clinic should offer life insurance. In the case I know of the family was paid several times what she would have earned, and the baby did survive.
7. Surrogate risking their reputation: Education and scientific understanding is lacking in India, so many folks can't understand how surrogacy works without infidelity or genetic links to the offspring to the surrogate. This is one reason why surrogates travel from smaller villages and often choose to isolate themselves in communal surrogate housing, though often it is for the comfort and camaraderie. They just tell people it was for a job opportunity, which is very common and an easily believable ruse .An Indian woman takes on this risk, though they do it in part because they understand far better than most women in the world the pain and stigma of infertility because of how it is viewed in their culture. Our clinic helped local women at lower costs, and helped fake a pregnancy so the family will never judge the woman for not being able to bear a child.
8. You have a greater chance of having twins. It's awesome, but it is also risky no matter where you do surrogacy. You may have to do a reduction procedure if more than two implant. You stand a greater chance of loss of the pregnancy or one twin, complications, or prematurity. It will be more expensive to have twins in any country, but if done in India while you live elsewhere you could find yourself paying for double the extended NICU and exit fees like we did.
9. You won't know gender: It's annoying because gender neutral clothing is a myth in my experience. The main thing is that ultrasounds are forbidden in India. You cannot know how your child or children develop in the womb. In India there is a great chance of mutation. And finally you are not protected from it.
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Suss » Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:15 am

We were treated very badly by Mbali and were robbed of $10,000 AUD. Our egg donor seemed to be great. We had a skype conversation and we spoke for over an hour and everything seemed to be going well. We got an email from Mbali stating that the donor's period was early. She asked the doctor whether the medication should have been started early. The doctor replied saying that the medication should be started immediately and to confirm that it had been started. Mbali then didn't respond for FOUR days, stating that she had been on holiday. She told us that the donor had been on the medication but, since we had no confirmation from her. We were skeptical. Our donor arrived in Thailand and we were left with 2 viable eggs which were low quality. I've been advised that the bad quality of the eggs was due to mismanagement of medication to the donor. We were also surprised when we were told that our egg donor didn't want to speak to us again, after having gotten on very well previously, we found that odd. Our conclusion was that she had realized she had been mismanaged and that she didn't want us to find out the truth. We asked for a part refund and were told in an email that she would look at our email a further 7 weeks later. I was disgusted with that and of course complained. Mbali has no respect whatsoever for her customers once they have paid. She is an absolute crook and I hope that others find out about what she has done to her customers.
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Casandra » Thu Sep 18, 2014 10:35 am

I have ruled out the 2 agencies in Mexico that we had been considering. Well, I'm doing all the research! It's enough to get my husband to read research that I've found! The nurse with one of the Mexican agencies must not have been told not to tell anyone that they haven't had any births yet. That in itself doesn't mean they are terrible. As other research I've done shows they have both only existed since 2013! However, to lie to me about "success rates" being 75% "live birth rates for one agency and 60% for the other- that is fraud. One of the agencies also gave me a lot of what I think was just misinformation. They told that "PGD is 90% effective in showing whether the baby is a girl or a boy". Um, no, it's over 99% effective. Either there are two XXs or there is one X and one Y and there you are. That same agency also lied to me about something else very important. I have since found, a reference to a surrogacy guide who says there is only one agency in Mexico that is reliable and honest and that there were two new ones she wouldn't trust. And this must be who I have been dealing with. She also handles Thailand and India, which we are considering. I have put in a call to her and will let everyone know what she says about this reputable agency in Mexico. We are in California, with many agencies practically on our doorstop. Calif has the best legal protections and very good compensations. Everything is done really first rate, in the world. The problem is, we MIGHT be able to afford Calif except for one thing. If the SM needs to be on bedrest, we can't afford to pay the salary she is missing (can be tens of thousands of dollars) AND childcare for her children AND any salary her husband may miss because of taking any time off AND a housekeeper. I think these are all reasonable requests, please don't get me wrong! The SM should get all this and more! It's just that we, personally, can't afford it. It is partly why gestational surrogacy arrangements in Calif are typically around $150,000USD and can go as high as $250,000USD. I am sure every thing is done very well, but this is only for people who are really wealthy. Anyway, thank you so much again for all of your feedback. Especially that you have never heard of surrogacy in Mexico, that really confirms that these agencies that I have been dealing with are brand new and have been lying to me. I will keep everyone updated and hopefully our journey will help you all on yours.
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Casandra » Thu Sep 18, 2014 10:35 am

I have ruled out the 2 agencies in Mexico that we had been considering. Well, I'm doing all the research! It's enough to get my husband to read research that I've found! The nurse with one of the Mexican agencies must not have been told not to tell anyone that they haven't had any births yet. That in itself doesn't mean they are terrible. As other research I've done shows they have both only existed since 2013! However, to lie to me about "success rates" being 75% "live birth rates for one agency and 60% for the other- that is fraud. One of the agencies also gave me a lot of what I think was just misinformation. They told that "PGD is 90% effective in showing whether the baby is a girl or a boy". Um, no, it's over 99% effective. Either there are two XXs or there is one X and one Y and there you are. That same agency also lied to me about something else very important. I have since found, a reference to a surrogacy guide who says there is only one agency in Mexico that is reliable and honest and that there were two new ones she wouldn't trust. And this must be who I have been dealing with. She also handles Thailand and India, which we are considering. I have put in a call to her and will let everyone know what she says about this reputable agency in Mexico. We are in California, with many agencies practically on our doorstop. Calif has the best legal protections and very good compensations. Everything is done really first rate, in the world. The problem is, we MIGHT be able to afford Calif except for one thing. If the SM needs to be on bedrest, we can't afford to pay the salary she is missing (can be tens of thousands of dollars) AND childcare for her children AND any salary her husband may miss because of taking any time off AND a housekeeper. I think these are all reasonable requests, please don't get me wrong! The SM should get all this and more! It's just that we, personally, can't afford it. It is partly why gestational surrogacy arrangements in Calif are typically around $150,000USD and can go as high as $250,000USD. I am sure every thing is done very well, but this is only for people who are really wealthy. Anyway, thank you so much again for all of your feedback. Especially that you have never heard of surrogacy in Mexico, that really confirms that these agencies that I have been dealing with are brand new and have been lying to me. I will keep everyone updated and hopefully our journey will help you all on yours.
Casandra
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Leona Kravets » Tue Oct 07, 2014 4:00 pm

Hello, Ladies!

I am experienced surrogate mother and want to help couples to not be afraid while choosing this way. My choice also was not so easy as you can think, but at that moment I very much was asked to help italian couple to became happy parents. Yes, as well I was greatly benefited during my pregnancy. I had amazing doctor who have helped me to conceive by IVF cycle and monitored pregnancy up to baby girl was born. Million thanks to her!!! I was so touched by couple's happiness (sorry, cant say their name), while they was holding little lovely girl. How much love they have! It was their first baby.
One year came since that time and I decided to help other couple.

If you have any questions pls, feel free to ask.
Leona Kravets
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby milagro7 » Wed Jan 14, 2015 8:13 am

Free Online Seminar! January 15, 2015

BioTexCom managers will answer all your questions concerning surrogacy and egg donation during the video – chat.
Reference for participance in webinar
English speaking managers of the Center for Human Reproduction BioTexCom will held the web conference on January 15, 2015 (Thursday) from 16:00 to 17:00 Kiev time (GMT + 2) which will take place on the clinic’s official web site. Meeting online in a real time is a unique opportunity for the infertile people to get acquainted with the assisted methods of reproductive medicine, and ask any questions with the regards to the surrogacy, egg donation, procedure stages, donors’ selection, legal issues and many others. English-speaking managers who daily work with foreign clients and lead the programs will help you to understand all the tricks of modern reproduction. You need only to write your question in the chat.
Rules of participation in the webinar:
Visit the official website of the clinic BioTexCom http://mother-surrogate.info/;
Click on the box “webinar” on the home page;
Click on the link you will see after clicking on the “webinar” box;
Fill in your name;
Welcome! You are in the video – chat! Here you can write any question related to the programs of reproductive medicine, and our manager will answer you in the mode of video conferencing. Thus, we will see only question in the chat, and you will be able to see and hear the manager and her answers.
NOTICE!!! The nearest BioTexCom Webinar will be held on January 15 , 2015, 16:00 – 17:00. Link to the participation in the online – seminar will be active only during this hour. Follow the latest clinic’s news and follow our webinar!
Feel free to ask your questions concerning our webinar biotexengland@yahoo.com
milagro7
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby Magggie » Fri Jan 16, 2015 3:06 pm

Hi everybody, I want to share my experience an hope it will be helpful for you!
My husband and I have dreamed about a baby since we got married, or even before, cause as I saw my future hubby, I decided: that was exactly how my son would look like. But I have MRKH so it seemed impossible for us. I can`t get pregnant, but there is nothing wrong with my ovums or with my husband`s health. But we decided that we would do everything what was up to us to get a kid. We started to consider surrogacy. Neither my husband nor I see something weird or wrong in the medical aspect of surrogacy. The only off-putting moment is the price. It`s so expensive! Thus and so we were looking for the best price in all over the world. And, finally, we found one Russian clinic which kind of fit us. It wasn’t that cheap and there were other options with lower price, but, still, we were ok about that clinic. We were assisted well, the staff was polite and everything seemed to be fine. The surrogate was done with the IVF procedure and the process started. We were waiting so hard for the birth of our son (we knew it was a boy) and came to Russia the next day after the kid was born. The moment I saw my son was definitely the best in my life. Everything seemed to be so good, we finally were totally happy. But then it turned awful. Right after the best moment of my life came the worst one: the husband of the surrogate mother showed himself. He told that the child was his and he was the only father and his wife – the only mother possible. The document processing stopped, and we couldn`t get our child. The so-called “father” presented us with an ultimatum: we give him 30 thousands of dollars or we not gonna see our son again. The so-called father of genetically OUR kid told us that we had to pay in order to get OUR son. If not – he wouldn`t sign any document and keep the kid (OUR kid)!!! As the clinic was paid for everything, including the preparation of documents and stuff, we were sure that they would solve that kind of problem.
But, guess what: the only thing the manager told us – “shit happens”!!! Can you even imagine it? The clinic, legal organism, which dares to take the responsibility for giving birth to kids when something goes wrong gives you a “shit-happens” answer instead of providing help and executing their duties? What a hell is wrong with these russians? :evil: And then they just notify you that after the kid`s birth, it`s not their business any more. Our manger told that it was for the benefit of us to come to an agreement with the “father”. So that actually we just had to cope with it by ourselves… It`s hard for me to revive memories of all that stuff again and again… You just try to imagine how one is supposed to feel in that kind of condition. After several visits to Russia, long-period expectation, being worried even nervous about the pregnancy period and the condition of our surrogate mom… When we were told that our baby was coming, we were so excited! We couldn`t wait to hold our kid and hug him, kiss him, call his name in loud... But it turned out that we were not able even to see him! Nobody let us in maternity hospital, after the birth. And then, in few days, the woman, who was a surrogate mom for us, together with her husband decided to enrich by chance and make some money on people who had come so close to their dream of becoming parents… What could we do about it, being in foreign country, abandoned and rejected by the clinic? We had to count just on ourselves. Of course, the “father” realized that he could ask whatever he wanted from us… Cause he had the game in his hands keeping our child. Ultimately somehow we found the whole sum of money and paid these 30 thousands. We fell into debt but it didn`t matter as long as we could take our kid home. It was so hard, but it was worth it, our son is such a little angel! Nobody told us it would be easy but that difficult – not every couple could handle it (thanks to my husband and our families we were strong enough to cope with this)!!! So if you have any chance to avoid all these troubles do your best and be smarter than we were… Make your clinic check the documents of the surrogate mother to make sure she isn`t married and it will be better if she never was. And if it turns out that she is, tell her bye, it will make your life a bit easier.
I can complain a lot about the Russian way of dealing with people…but, in fact, it makes no sense, I guess it is their mentality. Just want to let everybody know, what kind of danger you are likely to face while getting involved with Russian clinics. Think twice before making any decision, and try to find out all the information about the people you are going to deal with. Go behind as much forums and websites on the topic of surrogacy as possible, in order to get an indispensable information from the first hands. And get ready for the long and stressful process during which the most valuable is the support of your people. Good luck!
Magggie
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Re: Nightmares of surrpgacy

Postby milagro7 » Tue Jan 27, 2015 10:40 am

Free Online Seminar! January 29, 2015

BioTexCom managers will answer all your questions concerning surrogacy and egg donation during the video – chat.
Reference for participance in webinar
English speaking managers of the Center for Human Reproduction BioTexCom will held the web conference on January 29, 2015 (Thursday) from 16:00 to 17:00 Kiev time (GMT + 2) which will take place on the clinic’s official web site. Meeting online in a real time is a unique opportunity for the infertile people to get acquainted with the assisted methods of reproductive medicine, and ask any questions with the regards to the surrogacy, egg donation, procedure stages, donors’ selection, legal issues and many others. English-speaking managers who daily work with foreign clients and lead the programs will help you to understand all the tricks of modern reproduction. You need only to write your question in the chat.
Rules of participation in the webinar:
Visit the official website of the clinic BioTexCom http://mother-surrogate.info/;
Click on the box “webinar” on the home page;
Click on the link you will see after clicking on the “webinar” box;
Fill in your name;
Welcome! You are in the video – chat! Here you can write any question related to the programs of reproductive medicine, and our manager will answer you in the mode of video conferencing. Thus, we will see only question in the chat, and you will be able to see and hear the manager and her answers.
NOTICE!!! The nearest BioTexCom Webinar will be held on January 29 , 2015, 16:00 – 17:00. Link to the participation in the online – seminar will be active only during this hour. Follow the latest clinic’s news and follow our webinar!
Feel free to ask your questions concerning our webinar biotexengland@yahoo.com
milagro7
Newbie
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2014 6:57 am


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