Forum for those who have lost their babies through miscarriage, neonatal or stillbirth.
- Posts: 99
- Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2002 11:21 am
- Location: Scotland
This is the first time I've been back on the boards since feb/march. It was a lovely surprise to see Thorfinn's name on your Angel rool-call Dagny, thank you so much for remembering him. I'm afraid I still visit him everyday, I still think about him nearly every minute of every day, is this normal? He would be 10 months on the 16th of this month. We did FET, earlier this year, but I got really unwell on the drugs and we were unsuccessful, I wasn't surprised. We are just back from holiday in Budapest, and boy, did we need it. It's so stressful. I haven't been near the boards as I felt so depressed and sickened by the whole thing, know what I mean?
I don't want to imagine life without children, but if we don't manage to have any more, I can truthfully say, I will be living a half-life for the remainder of my life.
Anyway, sorry to be so morose. I have no faith whatsoever in the mickey mouse outfit that calls itself a clinic that we've been attending, but we have one more funded go. If we are lucky, I will not be letting them deliver!!
Anyway, how are you all coping with things?might not have posted, but been thinking about you all alot.
me:34 DH:34 TTC 3 1/2 years
PGon 1st ICSI. full-term boy. neonatal death due to medical error.
currently on 1st FET cycle.
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 1661
- Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2003 3:43 pm
- Location: Redhill, Surrey
Your post made me cry this morning. Everything you have said could have been me typing it too. I feel exactly the same as you and I wish I could sometimes get away from those feelings of grief and anger as they are so draining.
I still visit Katelyn everyday too. There is nothing wrong with that Scorry as Thorfinn was a part of you who was taken away too soon. He should still be a part of your life and by going to see him it's keeping that part of his existance alive.
I am so sorry that your FET wasn't a success. I am petrified that my next treatment won't work and I will be feeling like a life without children would be too much to accept. You are so right in saying you will be living a half life for the remainder of your life - I feel like that too.
It is so nice to hear from you. I hope your next treatment brings you all the success and happiness in the world. Us girls over on this board deserve it so much for what we have endured. I think about all our little angels on the rollcall a lot and wonder what things they are getting up to?
Take care Scorry and I am glad your time in Budapest was a good break away for you and your DH.
Love Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
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- Posts: 2175
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:48 am
- Location: Lincs
I have given you some space and not kept emailing you - I hope you didn't think it was because I didn't care or had forgotten - that would not happen! Knew you were going on hols but thought you might have plumped for Tuscany or Italy like we did! Still look at the photos of you and the dogs! Gabbie is somewhat large now - will send you a photo if I can find some energy after walking her.
Everything you said is quite normal - I still feel cheated losing Oliver and I am 30 wks pg! I did not mention your FET and the result to anyone as thought it not my business to - you could do that if you chose! I still think natual fet is the way to go for you and then you can't get ill on the drugs - give me a shout if you need to.
I often look at the photo of you and Thornfin just as I look at the one of Dagny and Katelyn - I have a photo album of them on my pc - hope that's not morose but I often think of them all and what they might be up to!
Loads of love
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
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- Posts: 4301
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 7:11 pm
i dont think the hurt ever goes away. i have a very hard time even looking at babies.
i know i still think of my son that died back in 82.
and our twins and moses would almost be a year old.
we do know that ivf does work. my doc and his wife went threw several mc and neg before they had there twin boys wich are 5 now.
when do you scorry and dagny get to try again?
i am glad that you are back and it is good to hear other women are feeling the same thing that i am.
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
- Posts: 91
- Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2016 12:26 pm
nice topic and post also