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the guilt of going back to work

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the guilt of going back to work

Postby Juliana » Mon Jan 10, 2005 1:52 pm

Hi everyone,
It's my first day back at work today and even though I love my job and everyone's really supportive and asking about my lovely twins (almost 3 months and a half old) I feel really guilty having left them. My dp is with them (we will both work 4 days a week and have a babysitter for the rest), but still it feels really bad. I wonder if any of you out there have returned to work so early and how you have coped with the emotions. I've always loved my job, but now it feels so different being a mother...

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Postby DebraP » Mon Jan 10, 2005 2:09 pm

Hi Juliana...your first day back is bound to be tough, it couldn't be anything else really.

My only suggestion is to focus on how much time they'll still spend with you and DH PLUS they'll have a new face to interact with on the remaining 3 days -which will mean they'll always be pleased to see you! By the time Maya started kindergarten she was SOOOOOOOO bored of me!

Being a working mum IS tough, no two ways about it. Makes me glad not to live in the US or Australia where maternity leave is all but non-existent.
Norway is extremely generous with this and it more or less makes up for the crap weather :D

Take care and enjoy seeing the twins' faces light up when you get home!
Debra.
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Postby Juliana » Tue Jan 11, 2005 11:19 am

HI Debra,
thank you so much for your mail and kind words, what you say is really encouraging and I guess for the moment the problem is more mine than my babies', since I found them yesterday happy with their dad. I can imagine the Norwegians have really generous maternity provisions, the Dutch not quite, I still have the option of half a year maternity leave with reduced pay but I will spread it over the years by working a day less, rather than take it all at once. Somehow this feels more gradual than staying with my babies another 6 months and then being full time gone, i hope it is the right decision.
Maya is such a lovely name, i enjoyed reading the story of how your daugher enjoyed Christmas, seems really to get nicer and nicer as they grow, I cannot wait! How old is your daughter now - I guess you wrote it somewher but I am not sure where to find it... How many days does she go to kindergarten?
love juliana
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Postby DebraP » Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:11 pm

Hi Juliana, glad to hear the twins were happy as bugs in rugs when you got home :D I agree that taking a day a week will be a much smoother transition than going back full time. I'm sure within a couple of weeks it will all seem normal.

Thanks for asking about Maya. She was 20m this week and started full time public kindergarten when she was 15m. We had used a 'dagmamma' now and again when she was younger but DF works shifts and I have 2 part-time/ flexi-time jobs so we usually managed to juggle things to look after her ourselves. I felt awful for about a week when she started kindergarten, not that she cried or anything, just the usual mummy-guilt. It was misplaced, she adores it there. She now toddles through the door shouting 'HELLO, HELLO, HELLO' at full volume until everyone has turned to greet her! She's learned to wave backwards and does this without turning round to let us know we can go...... :shock: Leaving takes forever as she likes to say goodbye in both Norwegian and English to everyone indiviually......what languages will your children learn? Will you use Bulgarian exclusively? what about the babysitter? what about Dutch?

Do you have other children? I think I recall a message where you said something about 'the boys' when you were pregnant. Did I misunderstand?

How are the twin's weights? You mentioned Alex has always been heavier than Nadia. Is she catching up? does she eat differently from him?

I hope work went well today.

We've not heard from Michelle recently (pc probs??) but I think she was going back to work around now too. I'm sure we'll hear as soon as she's back online...won't we Shell!

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Postby bubblymichelle » Tue Jan 11, 2005 9:55 pm

I have also returned to work I am working 3 days a week but still feel bad for leaving Alex with my parents. The way I look at it I am going to work for Alex to keep having the nice luxuries in life. He is a poorly lad at the minute he is cutting all his teeth together so you can imagine the sleepless nights and it doesn't mix very well with me getting up at 05:30 in the mornings for work.

I am sure once we have got into the swing of things we will enjoy it and it does our babies good to mix with other people.

Love
Shell.
xx
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Postby Juliana » Wed Jan 12, 2005 10:27 am

Hi hi Debra, how lovely to get this big mail full of exciting details about Maya, hi Shell, so nice to hear from you,
Debra, it makes such a sweet picture Maya greeting everyone indiviodually in English and Norwegian! I can just picture this! the plan for my two is that I will speak Bulgarian to them, and so will the baby sitter, dp will speak Dutch so it will hopefully work out fine withe them leraning both, I have to persist speaking Bulgarian otherwise they cannot talk to their granddad when we bring them to Bulgaria (cannot wait - maybe in March!).
Thanks for asking about the weights - still a bit of a worry on my mind, Alex just eats everything and grows like w hell, is now 6.800 kg at 3.5 months which considering he was born under the 2965 kg seems great! Nadia is fussier, but she has also almost tripled her birthweight, starting from the miserly 1865, now she is approximately 5200 kg. You see the difference remains, I don't know if it will awlays be like this, she is just not such an enthusaistic eater. Too curious about eveything!
as for other kids, i have two stepsins who are with us evey other weekend, big sweeties, i really have grown to like them more and more, lovely with the babies, but they are also entering puberty in a major way and are like a hurricane in the house, leave a bit of a mess every time they do something and their father gets quite tired getting them to help out. we just cannot cope otherwise...
Last night Nadia really made my day, when i came home I was dead tired and so was dp but then we started playing and talking to them and I imitated the greeting sound she makes which brought her into squeals of delight and enthusiasm , she almost jumped out of her chair. it was lovely.
hi Shell, I am happy you are online again! I was glad to read things at home have improved and changed, does you and Lee credit that you have managed to resolve the problems! I think you are the most caring mother for Alex and I am sure he is quite happy with your parents. i take comfort in the idea three days a week with someone else is still less than 4 days the twins are with us! Poor Alex, the teeth seem like quite an ordeal, I dread the time we will start getting them , we have just started catching up on sleep, still I feel desperately tired having added the work responsibilities to the home ones. Hope I will get used to it...
back to the work thing, feel really overwhelmed but I guess I just have to persevere!
love to you both and kisses to Maya and Alex,
juliana, alex, nadia
PS. What happened with Alex's formula - does he have any at all now or is he totally on other food?
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Postby Zed2003 » Sat Jan 15, 2005 7:08 pm

Hi all,

Juliana - hope things are better for you know. I went back to work full-time as needs must I'm afraid, and I hate every single second, but you just get on with it. I'm lucky that my dh works from home, so he has Sam 2 days at least and my M-I-L comes for the other 3 days. I worry that Sam doesn't have enough contact with other kids his age, but he is a very happy and contented baby - so it's doing him no harm at the moment.

Take care all
Zoe x
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Postby Juliana » Sun Jan 16, 2005 12:10 pm

Hi Zoe,
Nice to hear from you! I was always inspired by your mails on the other fora and remember that you also had a m/c before Sam was born. How happy these times are behind us! I guess if Sam looks very content and happy he surely does not miss so much contact with other kids, I grew up without siblings and got contact with other kids only in kindergarten and then school, did not miss other kids so much. Must admit my twins take little notice of each other at the moment. Don't know when they will really 'see' each other...
I have to admit I do not hate work, in a certain way this makes me more guilty, I do enjoy my job, it's just that I miss the babies so much when I am there! It must be even harder if you have to work but do not get any positive energy from it.... I enjoy being back to social contacts with adults and have too few contacts woutside my work, being an ex-pat etc. I sometimes worry it makes me a bad mum...not being part of mothers groups. But I guess one cannot do everything.
love to you and Sam and dp,
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