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Still putting one foot in front of the other.........

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

Still putting one foot in front of the other.........

Postby Amanda A » Fri Apr 01, 2005 10:06 am

and trying to get on with life as best I can!!

Just thought that I would pop on and say "hello" to everyone and let you know that I am still around and reading the boards. Hi especially to Alison, Luce, Grace and Lou. I guess we all get busy and don't post too much but I think about you all and wonder how your lives are going and would really like us to keep in touch, even if it's a bit infrequent!

We have a consultation with Mr T next week to talk about where we go from here. Current irons in the fire include a new drug that he spoke to us about before xmas and an offer of help from a close friend, which may or may not be an option depending on what he has to say. Also visited a couple with 2 little chinese girls about a month ago, very sweet and may well end up going down that route but need to thrash out all the IVF options first and put closure (hopefully!) on it before we move on.

Had a really good cry again the other day after quite a while of feeling pretty stable, think that is just the way it will be for a while. Life for me is moving forward however as I have been attending a number of complementary therapy courses with a view to starting part-time at a local college in Sept. Just hope I get a place because the course is really popular.

Well bye for now, take care everyone and you never know maybe we might be able to organise a London meet up again now that the weather is getting better.

Love Amanda xxxxx
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Postby LittleP » Sat Apr 02, 2005 3:45 pm

Hello Amanda

Sorry, saw your thread and your mention of Mr T - just wondered if that would be the same consultant as I am using - ARGC.

I wasn't a member before Christmas, but am sorry that things haven't worked out for you so far - let's hope that when you get your meeting things can move forward in a positive way for you :!:

You sound as though you are starting to find your feet again, for which you should be very proud - it's hard to adjust after treatment, so take it step by step :!:

Take care and all good wishes for you meeting with Mr T. Let us know how you get on

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Postby Alison » Sat Apr 02, 2005 9:05 pm

Hi Amanda (and Little P), good to hear from you. Hi to Grace, Lou, Luce, Becky (ogr) and Jen too. I too am still lurking around here, thinking of you all often, but not knowing quite whether or what to write. Having been so pleased to see your post Amanda I think I should have spent less time worrying and just got on and written something!

Anyway, IVF etc. has been back on my mind more recently for several reasons, not least cos I had my (final?!) follow up appointment with Mr T about 3 weeks ago. We finally did our last FET in early January. Having faffed about for 2 months in the autumn trying to do a medicated cycle (including 2 tablets of viagra a day which did nothing for my libido but gave me terrible flushes), and neither time got a decent lining, we did a natural cycle, which all went really well - until the bloody frosties didn't survive the defrost. It was wierd, because it'd been a natural cycle, with few scans and absolutely no drugs (I know, can you believe at the ARGC?!) it didn't feel reel that it was going to happen, so it wasn't too big a disappointment that it didn't at the time, but I got a bit upset a couple of weeks or so after.

So, didn't rush to do a follow up, but saw Mr T in mid March. Unsatisfactory in some ways as he said he hadn't read my notes beforehand (!) and he said that he/ someone would call to let me know what I should do after the appointment, and so far they haven't despite me calling a couple of times. Which I guess makes it very unsatisfactory! Aside from that, he basically said (as he's said before) that he doesn't know why it hasn't worked, and therefore can't suggest anything different so there's no reason why it should work this time. My line is that I've only done one full cycle since having my tubes removed, and if that was the problem then it seems reasonable to give it a second go, particularly as (and this bit is definitely true) I feel in much better shape physically and emotionally than I did 18 months ago when my "last" treatment failed. So I'm sort of thinking I might start something (if only a baseline scan) in the next couple of weeks, but it feels pretty vague.

I still have the odd bad day. One of them was 10 days ago when my best friend from school, who now lives in Oz, phoned me to let me be the first to know that her (first) IVF cycle had been successful. Although she's lived abroad for the last few years we're still very close, and have shared a lot both struggling with being unable to start a family - she'd had an ectopic pregnancy and then been unable to conceive again. And while I'm pleased for her I'm jealous as hell, and there's that question again, "why does it work for her first time and not for me?" Grr!

Generally though I feel I'm dealing with baby-type stuff better. I'm quite looking forward to meeting my latest (3 week old) nephew tomorrow, (as well as seeing my other niece and nephew who I adore).

As for the rest of my life.... well, I've been indulging my passion for holidays. Spent 3 days in Barcelona in February with a good friend of mine and had a great time. If you fancy treating yourself either with DH or one or more girl friends I can thoroughly recommend it. And Julian and I have just got back from skiing in France, which was good although the snow was melting by the minute, which I guess I should expect going this time of year. I think the only other thing that's new is that I've started a painting class on a Saturday morning wihch is good fun. I'm not planning to give up the day job just yet though!

Well that's turned into something of an essay! Anyway Amanda, I'm so glad you posted, and good to hear about your planned course - I do hope you get on to it. Hope it goes well with Mr T this week (and that he's read your notes!) I agree meeting up again would be good. With a bit of advance notice I can usually meet about 5.30 in the week so let me know when would suit.

Much love

Alison xxx
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Postby ogr1 » Sun Apr 03, 2005 1:05 am

i now feel bad cause most of my notes are short....

good luck with mr. t..... it sounds like you should take notes with you.


alison you wouldnt be human if you didnt feel that way..
i know that i am very happy for our son but i still have crying moments that they are having a baby and i couldnt....
it is hard becoming a grandmother when i so much would love to have our baby....

but i am excited i just wish they didnt move so far away....

and hello little p..
:)
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
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Postby luce » Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:54 am

Hi girls

Well, was just about to start another thread but then realised that Amanda A is the real Rachael so thought I'd add to this one. I know none of us have written much on these boards in the past few months, but I do pop in about once a week and have a look, and do wonder what you're all up to and how you're surviving etc. If we are all feeling up to it, perhaps a London meeting should be arranged?

Have tried to catch up on news of you all and see that Alison is just starting no 6. Good luck girl! Sorry that the FET in Jan didn't go as planned, and really hope this one brings some good news for this board. Amanda - sounds like you're considering all the options carefully, which I think is the right thing.
Grace, Lou, Jen - where are you all? Are you all Ok?

Life for us is much the same as it ever was. You'll be amused to hear that I got into the paramedic training and start next month, which I'm both excited and petrified about. It is the first bit positive step in the 'change our lives' plan we threw together a while back. Until then I am still working 3 days, and enjoying the days off in the week. We are of course in the meantime still holidaying like mad, and trying to live life to the limit! We both still have good and bad moments, often triggered by insignificant events. Spookily like Alison one of the hardest things I find is hearing about those lucky few for whom treatment works first time....I too am glad for them, but again, the whole "why not us" thing comes to mind. It is true what they say about time being a healer, but the wound will always be there and will always hurt when someone takes a stick to it and prods it.

Am thinking of you all, and hope we can get together again at some point.

Lots of love, best wishes and positive thoughts to Alison
Luce
xxxx
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Postby ogr1 » Tue Apr 19, 2005 6:11 am

i am so glad to hear from you.
that is great news that you got in..

there are alot of new girls here now...
i had gotten a e-mail from grace a while back and she was doing pretty good.....


i have been teling traci that i am comming to london..
hopefuly with in a year..
it would be great to meet up..
:)
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Postby Alison » Sat Apr 23, 2005 7:22 pm

Hi again, good to hear from you Luce and Becky. Luce, so excited to hear about the paramedic training. I think that sounds great, and it will be brilliant to be able to throw yourself into something new.

I'm feeling terribly guilty about my envy of my friend who get PG on 1st IVF - she phoned last week to say that she'd been for a second scan and they couldn't find a heart-beat, and phoned again yesterday to say they'd confirmed she'd lost the baby. This fertility treatment business really is so unfair.

I'd still be very up for going out - although it will have to be alcohol free for me, and if its soon you may have to excuse me while I nip to the loo for drugs! If Luce and Amanda you are free day times then perhaps we could do a late lunch again?

Anyway, take care all, and do keep in touch.

Alison xx
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Postby ogr1 » Sat Apr 23, 2005 8:04 pm

it is all so very hard..

i am glad that you are doing better..
most of the time i do pretty good..
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Postby Amanda A » Tue Apr 26, 2005 6:49 pm

Hi Alison, Luce, Becky, LittleP and anyone else logging in!

Just a very quick note to say that a lunchtime would suit me, Mon and Thurs are best. I plan to come to London soon for a blood test so it would be easy enough to work in a late lunch date too!

Our meeting with Mr T was o.k. but still leaves us in confusion as exactly the right way to go. I often seem to come out with more questions than anwers!

We recently visited a chinese doctor on Harley Street and that is why I need the blood test. I honestly don't know what I think about the chances of her being able to help us but it feels like something I need to explore just in case.

Little P, yes it is the ARGC, the one and only Mr T!

Alison, hope things are going o.k. if you have decided to go ahead. Sorry to hear about the frosties after all your hard decisions about what to do with them! Don't feel bad about your friend we would all be exactly the same as you.
Luce, am so pleased about the paramedic training and wish you all the best. I bet you will be brill at it, can really see you doing that sort of thing for some reason!
Becky, you will have to let us all know if you do make it over here at some point, hope you are doing o.k.

Bye for now, chat again soon, Amanda x
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Postby Amanda A » Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:58 pm

Hi Girls,
Just to say that I now plan to be in London next Fri, 6th May and that a lunch/late lunchtime would suit me if anyone else can make it.

Take Care, Amanda x
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Postby luce » Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:27 pm

Hi again

Am free on Friday for lunch/late lunch but need to leave about 3.30pm as am going to visit my parents who are both a little under the weather at the moment.

Hope we can arrange something!

Love
Luce
xxx
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Postby Grace » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:06 pm

Hello girls
It has been a long time but so lovely to hear updates from you recently.
Well, I am fine still putting one foot in front of the other really. Life has had it's ups and downs but I am okay.

IVF wise still have n't done anything more about another cycle. I just have n't been able to face the idea of it atall. I think perhaps I had so many cycles one after the other it really did me in. That last cycle also had a huge psycological effect on me which really I have only begun to realise fairly recently. I am feeling alot more like my old self again and in all honesty I don't think I have felt like that for a long time.

I am so loath to get back on the old rollercoaster again yet it is my only chance!! Maybe I should just listen to head which says enough is enough but then my heart creeps in and says go on give it another go!!!
I have to say that we have begun to seriously think about overseas adoption. We did think and talk about it alot in the past but once I got on the ivf "steam train" I just could n't seem to get off. ( if that makes sense). So there you are as usual I have plenty to think of and worry about...it just goes on and on does n't it, I suppose that is life really though.
As I have said though for the first time in a few years I do feel alot stronger and alot happier in myself. I think I can see now that I will be okay whatever happens. There were times especailly after my last treatmeant that I thought I would loose the plot and life just felt very dark. I suppose some of the time I did n't even admit to myself never mind anyone else. I do feel I have come through that now although in saying that I know I will always have very sad days too.

Like the rest of you I don't seem to come on here very often nowadays but I do think of you all so very often and it is so good to hear from you.
We have all been through so much have n't we? Sometimes it is such a comfort to know that we are not the only ones. It is such a simple thing yet meeting up with you guys and chatting on here has helped me enormously.

We are going to one of our regular trips to Irealnd next week so I won't be around on Friday which is a real shame. It would be lovely if we could perhaps meet up one afternoon/evening in the summer though. I would really like that.
In the meantime sending lots of luck and love to all of you.
Gracexx
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Postby Alison » Fri Apr 29, 2005 6:36 pm

Grace, how lovely to hear from you. As ever with your posts, I recognise everything you are saying about not getting back on the roller coaster etc. Despite feeling so much stronger and better some of that same old stress has come back again starting on the drugs and going to the clinic. I don't want to go back to the black place where I was! Anyway, ironically the sniffing has failed to switch off my ovaries, so abandoned tmt for this month and will try again next month.

Amanda, Luce, what a great idea to meet up. You have inspired me to take the day off work on Friday (whole set of dull meetings that won't miss me!) so yes I too could meet for lunch on the 6th. Shall we say 1ish? Browns again, or other suggestions? I was feeling inspired by the sunny weather and wondering about somewhere with an outside, but couldn't think of anywhere obvious.

Grace, so sorry you won't be able to make it, but let's try to do something in the summer too.

Jen, Lou, Little P, Becky (!) and anyone else who checks in on us do come along too. Let us know.

So excited now about next week!

Alison xx
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Postby ogr1 » Sun May 01, 2005 10:11 pm

i want to be there to :( :( :( :(

just got back home...

it was great to see all of your posts..
i have missed you all alot..

life and choices and not having choices is very hard..
anad i dont have any answers for any one..
only thing i can do is get down on my kneews and pray that i will have some peace in what ever i choose to do....


has anyone had any problems with rememberings things or

at different times not so much now but before about whats the point of sex?


i hope you have had a great wkend.. the sun is out and it is a beautiful day..

have a blast when you meet up...
becky
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
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Postby Amanda A » Tue May 03, 2005 11:00 am

Hi there,
1pm is fine for me, don't mind where we go at all.

There is St Crispins place/walk?, I think that is what it is called, which is just off Oxford Street with outside seating but am really happy to go anywhere.

Amanda x
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