the wait is hell.. i cant think that anything could be worse...
i dont think that it consumes me any more..
i give myself time to pondering the what ifs or wwhat should have been.. this seems to help me..
for me it is not good to keep it pushed down.. so i have to make myself feel or i wouold exploed..
i try except my saddness and end it with the happyness..
like for my children ,
i have been blessed cause there are so many women that have not got to have the joy of knowing that they where pregnant ..
i was lucky cause i have photo scans of my children from the time they where just eggs.... i got to see there heartbeats....
those are all miricales..
so i have been very lucky and very blessed..
and i do have 13 children and getting ready to have 2 more that are 15 and hopefuly they well beable to feel the love that we do have in our home..
and i have always had this forum and god to see me threw everyday..
i hope this had made some sence..
i am not much for getting my thoughts into words..
you hang in there and please know that you are not alone.. and as you can see i come here and write to my children.. i also keep paper and a photo in my bible and write little things there to..
i dont know why but it has helped me to face and start to enjoy the day..
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!