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Feeling blue

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Feeling blue

Postby Zed2003 » Tue May 31, 2005 8:03 pm

Och - I can't shift this feeling - it's crap.

I thank my lucky stars every day for Sam - he's my wee miracle. Even so, I desperately long for another and it's slowly taking over my life again every month in a way I had hoped it would never again. I feel so miserable at times, then guilty that I do?

Does anyone else ever feel like this?
Zoe x
1st IVF - Easter 2002 - neg
2nd IVF - Summer 2002 - pos, but M/C 8 wks
3rd IVF Summer 2003 - pos with beautiful baby boy
April 2006 - miracles happen - positive naturally day after receiving IVF letter to start again! Another beautiful boy
Zed2003
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Postby DebraP » Tue May 31, 2005 8:42 pm

Hi Zoe....oh I understand. Look at my signature. We've tried 5 times since Maya was born 2 years ago. Twice I've become pg only to lose both. I feel both angry and hurt to get so close then BANG, nothing.

The urge to have another baby, I would argue, is almost stronger when you've got one already. We know we can do it and just how amazing it is when they're here. That drives us, despite the crap that comes with starting all over again. All that stuff about 'unconditional love' meant nothing to me until Maya arrived, then suddenly it all made sense. We'll love these babies no matter what and it's unlike any other love we'll ever have. That's why we try again.

Don't be sad. It's a natural desire for most people to want children. Having Sam doesn't make another any less important to you.

hth
Debra
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
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Postby Jules R » Tue May 31, 2005 8:47 pm

Oh Zoe, I know that feeling and I don't even have the excuse of wanting to try for a sibling, being blessed with two miracle babies.

One of the joys of getting pregnant through ICSI (apart from all of the obvious) was that I thought that the pain of longing for a baby and the hell of starting AF each month would finally be at an end. But sadly my emotions don't seem to have behaved in the way that I'd have hoped. From very early on after having Daniel and Charlotte, I wanted more children as badly as I'd wanted them.

We've been TTC another baby for almost 3 years now and the pain is the same as it always was. I go through spells of hoping that something amazing will happen and then reality hits - I've never got pregnant 'naturally' before so why should I now? And to complicate things, I had an HSG a fortnight ago which shows that my tube(s) may be blocked - our problem previously was male factor. So I'm now going through all the turbulent emotions associated with coming to terms with my own infertility.

Sorry to ramble but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Jules
TTC 5 years. Daniel & Charlotte born 22.03.02, 1st ICSI treatment. TTC for 4 further years. 2nd ICSI cycle abandoned, 3rd cycle BFN. Looking forward to being a happy family of 4.
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Postby Susie » Tue May 31, 2005 9:44 pm

I know just how you feel, I had one successful ICSI and have just got pg from attempt number two. I used to get so envious of people having more than one baby, and think that I was limited to only one and thinking I should be grateful for the fact I have her when some people have none. If I was able I'd have had no 2 straight after having DD 1 but with our problems theres no way of concieveing naturally.
It was only when I enrolled my DD in primary school that I suddenly thought I cant accept only having one, my baby goes to school in September and I'll no longer be the centre of her world.
I had to try for no 2 and thankfully it has worked first time, but I must admit I am wondering what I'll do with the frosties next year!
Anyway, what you're feeling is perfectly normal, but try not to let it take over your life.
Susie
Me 37, DH 53 Male & female factor
1st ICSI +ve, a daughter born 2001
2nd ICSI +ve, a son born 2006
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Postby Zed2003 » Wed Jun 01, 2005 8:01 pm

Thanks girls - I'm glad I'm not alone here.

Feel a bit better today - my AF arrived last night and although not wanted, at least it makes me deal with things instead of thinking 'maybe this month'. I had really sore boobs though and felt very sick for a few days so I think my hormones must have been raging... Work is also not good and getting maternity leave would be the only way of leaving for a while :shock: :o :lol: I know that's no reason only a bonus, but it's still in my head!

Jules - I'm with you. I'm sure it's now the urge 'to try and do things ourselves'. Maybe not. I don't know. We started trying again when Sam was about 4 months old hoping we'd have a better chance. I decided I'd never go through IVF again, but am now considering it for next summer - maybe. LOL I'm sorry you've had bad news of late - when will you find out if they are blocked? Don't knock yourself over the head. Easier said than done, but I did that when I was told I probably had a low egg reserve. It does no good whatsoever but I know you have to go through the stage of blame - I think it helps us cope.

Susie - great news, I bet you're excited!

Debra - a star as always. We'll all just havet to stay positive. I look at Sam sometimes and all the attention he gets from us and think, 'do I real want him to have to share us? LOL. I can't win!!!

Take care girls. Thanks again for the thoughts
Zoex
1st IVF - Easter 2002 - neg
2nd IVF - Summer 2002 - pos, but M/C 8 wks
3rd IVF Summer 2003 - pos with beautiful baby boy
April 2006 - miracles happen - positive naturally day after receiving IVF letter to start again! Another beautiful boy
Zed2003
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Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 1:28 pm
Location: scotland


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