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Not sure about IVF

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Not sure about IVF

Postby Jo R » Thu Jun 30, 2005 10:16 pm

Hiya, this is my first time to this site.
I found out in May that I cannot concieve natually due to damaged tubes after an eptopic last May.
I'm scared about going for IVF. This sounds stupid, but I believe in fate, and as stupid as it sounds I feel that IVF is forcing nature to do something that maybe wasn't meant to happen. I know that sounds insaine!
Myself and my husband really want a baby and were devisted when we found out that we couldn't. We would love to have a baby, and IVF feels like the only option if we want our child. I know there is the option of adoption, but we want our child...part mine and part his.
I'm also scared of the impact IVF will have on our relationship...mood swings, pressure, not getting pregnant, feeling the loss of loosing a baby again etc
Can anyone give me any advise on what to do. I was meant to see my doctor at the end of May to talk about options, but i havn't been able to bring myself to yet.

Thank you

Jo
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Postby Sand » Fri Jul 01, 2005 4:52 pm

Hi Jo ... Welcome to the Site and glad you found us ! I hope you find the same advice and support here as I did (do !).

It is only natural to be scared of the unknown. We've all been there - but the more you learn and understand about the IVF process, the less daunting it becomes. I'm not saying it is at all easy ... it's a tough road, and you must be strong as a couple to begin with or you won't survive ... but it is workable.

I strongly recommend reading Zita West's book "Fertility and Conception". It will give you tons of background info, and then there's a section on assisted conception. You'll see there are sooooo many reasons / things that can go wrong, it's a wonder anyone ever has a child at all !! Many of the girls here have read the book, and have found it useful.

You haven't said / I haven't seen how old you are Jo. Pls don't put off seeing your doctor / looking into your options. It certainly doesn't get any easier as we get older. For example, I wish I could turn the clocks back just 12 months. I'm 36 this month - too old to donate any of my eggs, and inturn significantly reduce the cost of any IVF treatment.

I can understand what you are saying - forcing nature - but if this is your only option to have a baby, then you really have no choice. The only 'forcing' you'll be doing with IVF is allowing the egg and the sperm to meet more easily - which they can't do with your blocked tubes ! Apart from that, any fertilisation that occurs is natural. There are other procedures, which I won't really go into, which 'help' nature along even more. One does so by actually injecting the sperm into the egg. Standard IVF is far more natural than this.

Read the book - chat on this site .... you are far from alone in your journey. Knowledge is power.

There's a thread on the General Forum called "..Limbo". This is where folk in between cycles hang out. You'll find lots of girls chatting on that thread.

Also, there are others goings "Under 30s", "Over 30-below 40", and an "Over 40s" !!

Post wherever you feel happy. We're all here to support you.

Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
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Postby NickiMark » Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:13 pm

I know what u mean about fate. I think that way too, like god has ment it to be and that things happen in life for a reason. I offen worry about if I do get sucess and fall pg with IUI then something will happen like a bad pregnancy or an ill baby. But sometimes u just have to do it and take it as it comes. so whilst modern technology can help us we may as well go with it and just see what happens, see then if with a little help god decides whether or not it should be after all.

Anyway, I hope that u soon decide what u and dh want from life. I wish u all the best and hope that we can help you here on this site. This site has helped me no end. and all the people here understand. We are all on the same boat!

Take care. Hugs from Nicola x x
TTC 6yrs......Have jumped off the rollercoaster for now, too many BFN's and too much heartache, to keep going....Moving on to fulfil other dreams!!!
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Postby k » Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:29 pm

Hi Jo

Me and my DH had 8 years to come to terms with having IVF (My DH had cancer several years ago and was always told it was likely we would need IVF following chemo) which is a lot longer than most people, but it was still difficult when we were told following tests it was the only option. I think the worst thing is the loss of control. You dont get to decide when you want a baby, or even if you will definatly have one.
What I would reccommend is make sure you are physically and mentally ready for it. I could have started treatment a few months previously, but I just knew I wasnt ready. (Although as Sand says, unfortunately age does come into it, so time isnt always on your side). I made sure I was physically healthy and that other areas of my life were fairly sorted. Once you start treatment it will take over a big part of your life. Having said that, going to work and doing other things kept me sane!! I had aromatherapy massages and acupuncture leading up to my EC and ET and it helped relax me a lot. I was also fairly open about the fact I was going through IVF with work colleagues and friends and I found this helped, especially my best friend who was a fantastic listener when I just wanted to rant and rave!! Obviously, other people feel happier keeping it quiet, it is up to the individual, and you will know what is best for you.
Good luck, it's not an easy ride and I know I was lucky first time. This site is a godsend though and everyone will help you through it if you decide to through with it. Dont put off talking to your Doctor. Remember, it is still up to you to make the decision and you dont have to go through with it if you decide its not for you.
Take care
Love Kim
Me 36 DH 33 Male factor due to chemotherapy. IVF\ICSI May 05 +ve.
Jenna Grace born 19.1.06 then natural BFP!
Nathan Alexander born 2.10.08
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Thank you

Postby Jo R » Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:42 pm

Thank you so much.
I think I will have a chat with my doctor to discuss IVF. I'm glad you all dont think I am crazy for thinking the way that i do.
myself and my husband want to have children so much, and this seems to be the only option we have. My husband is 33 and I am 26 so i know this is also a good time to start trying.
Thank you for your support, and i'm glad I found this site.
I shall keep you up to date if we go for it. Fingers crossed!!!
Jo. XX
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Postby NickiMark » Sat Jul 02, 2005 7:46 pm

Jo you are young so at least try it before deciding that that no child is a way for you.
Let us know when you see the doctor......
TTC 6yrs......Have jumped off the rollercoaster for now, too many BFN's and too much heartache, to keep going....Moving on to fulfil other dreams!!!
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