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Summer meet up!

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

Summer meet up!

Postby Grace » Fri Jun 17, 2005 4:51 pm

Hi girls
Just thought I would get the ball rolling with some ideas for when we could meet. I will throw in a few dates and see how we go.
Early evenings during the week are better for me too. What about the 13th or 14th of July or on the week after which would be 20th or 21st. Any of these dates any good for anyone?? I am a bit busy at the beginning of the month but really after that am pretty freeish.
Hope everyone is well. Especailly you Alison, hope you are okay??
Well I do have a bit of news actually. About five weeks ago we decided we are definitely not going to go for another cycle!!! I have hummed and ahhhed for so long (as you kow). I just think going back there is going to be a backwards move for me. I feel so much better phsically as well as mentally. We gave it six shots and there were really no answers to why it did n't work. Deep down I just have a gut feeling it is n't going to work for us, and there really is no point going into something so negatively.
We have made the first approaches to Social Services about intercountry adoption and hope to go on an induction course in August.
Of course we are embarking on a whole new rollercoaster but at the moment it just feels right and we are going to find out alot more.
It is weird really because I was pretty sure we would have two more goes but in actual fact once we talked about it and went over and over it, in many ways it just did n't feel right for either of us anylonger. I just simply feel that for me I have given it all I can, and really need to move on. Anyway, enough of me.
Think about the dates or any alternatives and a venue. I am useless at venues as hardly ever venture up to town now!!
Look forward to hearing from you.
Love
Gracexxx
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Postby Alison » Sat Jun 18, 2005 10:20 pm

Hi Grace, thanks for starting this going. I'm not sure if congratulations is quite the right thing to say, but I am so pleased to hear you sounding so positive about your decision and what you want to do next.

That part of July would be good for me too. I can't do 14th but so far as I can remember any of the other dates you've suggested would be good for me (will have to double check my work diary on Monday but can't think of anything that would be happening then).

I'm doing fine, keeping busy and enjoying the sunshine, and very much looking forward to meeting up. Love

Alison xx
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Postby Grace » Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:30 pm

Hello Girls
I suspect we will put our meeting off for another while?? I know summer can be busy for everyone with one thing or another. The terrible events of last Thursday also makes one think twice about going on the tube etc What a terrible thing, hope all of you and loved ones are okay.

I do think of you all very often and it would be lovely to hear from you.

I am very well. We are going for the first part of our prelimanary training on intercountry adoption on 5th August. We then do some more training and sometime after that we will start the "Home Study". It is a long road but we are feeling very exited and positive about it all. Very nervous too as the whole IVF thing has knocked alot of my confidence in anything good ever happening! We hope to adopt a little girl from China, you have to choose the country before you start the homestudy. We have told our close family about our plans and they are really supportive and happy for us. We have n't told anyone else as will wait until we are hopefully further along the road.

Alison, did you get the results back re the NK/immune system? Hoping the results shed a bit of light?

Hope all of you are well? I do hope we can meet up again soon, maybe someone has some ideas?

Gracexx
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Postby Alison » Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:39 pm

Hi Grace, lovely to hear from you again. Hope all you other girls are doing OK too. Glad to hear about all the adoption stuff, it sounds really exciting. I'm really interested in hearing more about how you've got going on the adoption stuff, decided on adopting from China etc.. Since our last negative I've been starting to wonder whether maybe adoption could be the answer for us, but don't really know where to start, and haven't even talked to Julian about it yet. Not had anything conclusive on the NK issue. I have a follow up appt in early September as I couldn't get any sense from anyone over the phone - my understanding is that there was nothing very conclusive.

If you were still around this week I could meet you on Wednesday (20th) but not til about 7pm, or alternatively let's arrange another time. We're not going on holiday til 12 August (south of France, can't wait!) and could do most evenings. Let me know what suits.

Love to you and all our other friends on this side.

Alison xx
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Postby Traci » Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:39 am

Hi Girls (Grace and Alison)
Well long time no hear ! I have been off the bords of late as I have lots going on in my little life and trying to let go of this whole IVF thing , anyway I have kept an eye on the bords here and there. Grace I am so glad for you that you have come to a decition to move forward into adoption this is a great positive attitude Never give up you will get there in the end , I would love to meet with you guys when you do get a date together , I can only make mondays though as this is my only day off and I agree with waiting a bit as this bombing thing has scared me to death. Alison are you waiting for results ? why does it seem to take forever!!!! I am still trying to decide wether or not to go for it a 5th time 3rd using donor eggs and this time my sister has offerd , I at the moment have switched off Well to some degree and will accept it eventually as there is absolutly nothing I can do about it ! and You only get one life so I am trying to think as positive as possible . the only thing that does worry me is when I am older and long for grandchildren :cry: I think this bothers me the most .
anyway weather outside is gorgeous and I need to put my body in it !!!

Take care girls

Good luck with adoption meetings and results

Trace x
1st cycle own eggs Neg
2nd cycle own eggs Neg
3rd cycle cousins eggs Neg
4th cycle unknown donor eggs Neg
Going to have sisters eggs Feb 06
NEVER GIVE UP!
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Postby Grace » Mon Jul 18, 2005 3:44 pm

Hello Girls
Long time no hear Trace. How lovely to hear from you. It sounds like you have really been getting on with life. I know exactly what you mean about having only one life and this being it. The whole thing does take over your life and your very being if that makes sense. I think I am still pretty obsessed to a degree but as time goes on less and less. Funnily I don't think about the grandchildren aspect of it really, it is interesting you say that though. We are all different in the way we look at it. It would be lovely if you could come along to one of our meet ups. We have n't had one for a while now as it is difficult for everyone at times but it really is so lovely when we do. I don't use the boards much these days either but it is nice to keep in touch. Make sure you do.
Alison, I can't so this Wednesday now ...sorry. I would love to see you ( and everyone) though so it would be great if we could think of a date.
Wondering about Luce and Rachel too, have n't heard from them for a while. It would be so nice for all of us to meet up.
Sorry nothing much came from the NK stuff although maybe when you go for the review they might have more detail to hand.
Adoption wise. I suppose it was always in the back of my mind somewhere and we always used to talk about it in an abstract sort of way. I was so sure IVF would work eventually that I kind of put it from my mind. After the last negative I really started to think about it more and more but I did n't say much to Rod about it for quite a while. The more I have researched and read the more it just seems right for us. For me now, the urge to nurture and mother is stronger than the urge to be pregnant and give birth even though there is a part of me that is sad for that loss. If you want to chat more or I can pass on any details I have email me at ghedont@blueyonder.co.uk
Hopefully we can try and pick a date soon and hear from the others too...perhaps they are already on exotic holidays!!...South of France sounds fab. We are going to Turkey on 3rd September luckily not to the same place bombed over the weekend. Hope to hear from you soon.
Gracexx
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Postby Amanda A » Wed Jul 20, 2005 5:48 pm

Hi Girls,
Sorry I haven't been about much recently. To be honest I have been a bit low and this didn't make me feel like posting.

Last October I went onto anti-depressants because I just couldn't seem to pick myself up after our last attempt, they helped but now I am slowly coming off and feeling a bit more vunerable again!

Grace, glad to hear that you can now see a new pathway, it takes such a lot of time to get your head round everything doesn't it.

Alison, I know exactly what you mean about not getting any sense from the clinic over the phone, we had to book an additional consultation last time because we felt so unclear about what they were telling us.

My news is that we are booked to go on an information day about Intercountry adoption on 19th August and are both coming round to the conclusion that this is the best route for us. DH is more clear on this than me but I have come a long way to thinking that he is right over the last few weeks (I expect that is why I have been feeling a bit wobbly!).

One complication is that a friend has offered to do egg donation (which is wonderful) but we really don't know if it will help us (our diagnosis is still officially unexplained ) and I am not sure that she will be seen as a suitable candidate anyway, so this needs to be resolved one way or the other.

On a happy note, I will be starting a Holistic Massage course in Sept and this will lead to me being able to set up my own business in a years time, hopefully from home. I have already taken over one of our spare bedrooms as a treatment room.

On another happy note, did I tell you that DH now has a motorbike (a new hobby that has helped him get through all this IVF stuff)? Anyway, I am turning into a biker chick and we are going shopping for ladies leathers this weekend!!

I would love to meet up, trouble with me is that I am currently coming to London every 3 weeks to do the Chinese Medicine (did I tell you about that?), so would want to try to coincide the two which may not work with other people.


Bye for now, take care everyone, love Amanda x
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Postby Grace » Sat Jul 23, 2005 11:47 am

Hello girls
Amanda, lovely to hear from you. I must apologise too becauuse I realised after I sent it that I referred to you as Rachel in my last message.
I am sorry you have had a tough time and have been feeling a bit low. I know it is so hard,sometimes it seems almost impossible that things will look brighter, that is the way I have felt many times over the years. At the same time it is fantastic that you are doing alot of positve things too, new career and turning in to a biker chick!!!..good for you girl!
It is really interesting that you are beginning to think about intercountry adoption too.
Is your course at the Intercountry Adoption Centre at Barnet? that is where we are going, we have to do this first day before we progress further. I have found it helpful to join a couple of Yahoo adoption groups on line, I don't get involved in the conversations as we are in such an early stage. However it really is an eye opener and very interesting. Also joined Oasis which seems a very helpful organisation.

You have been through such alot Amanda and there is no hard and fast rule to say that you have to make decisions for the time being. At least that is what I found,it will be two years in October since I had my last cycle and I can honestly say I was completely devastated by it. It was a really slow recovery because I think the sadness of all my other attempts and the reality that I could n't faceanymore of it really hit me. Although I was functioning at a certain level ie going to work meeting friends etc I really think I have only started to feel better since about April of this year. What I am really trying to say is that I really understand how hard it is and that I think we can sometimes underestimate how long and how difficult it is to recover from the trauma we have been through. Just want you to know that if there are days when you feel really low, you are not alone and that we are here. I think there is too little support for women like us. Stopping treatmeant or thinking about stopping is a very isolating time and it is very hard to talk about even to those nearest to us.

Let us know the dasys you might be in London and hopefully we could all arrange something to fit in. Good luck with your decisions and have a fantastic time on that bike!!

Love to Alison and how are you Luce??

Gracexx
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Postby Alison » Sun Jul 24, 2005 9:31 am

Morning friends! Traci, how lovely to hear from you after such a long time. Glad to hear that things in your life are busy. I think we'd all recognise the challenge of deciding whether to go on again or stop.

Amanda, good to hear from you too, but sorry to hear you've found things difficult lately. You have done so well to get yourself organised with the Massage course while still coping with everything else. As Grace says, all this decision making is hard and takes a long time, even more so when you can't find out what's at the route of your fertility problems. I think you were just about to start the Chinese Medicine when we last met. Why don't you give us a few dates when you'll be in London and we can plan around that?

Grace, thanks for the advice and information. So pleased to hear you having a clear and exciting plan.

Since I last posted Julian and I have started talking about adoption and contacted the council, who have sent us some info and invited us to an initial information evening in September. At the moment I feel quite strongly that this is the way forward for us, and can envisage us adopting maybe two under 5s, and from what I've read so far I think this is reasonably realistic. At the back of my mind I'm wondering whether I've just found a new tactic to distract myself from the disappointment of the last failed cycle, but I hope its not that! I suspect I'll know more definitely after the follow up appt at the clinic in early September.

So good to hear from the 3 of you again, and love to Luce and Lou as well and hoping you're doing OK.

Alison xx
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Postby Amanda A » Mon Aug 22, 2005 4:34 pm

Hi Grace, Alison,
Thanks for your posts, they helped and I feel a bit more positive now.

We went to our information day on Fri (yes Grace it was in Barnet) and I found it really helpful and encouraging, although I know that intercountry adoption will be a real challenge.

One thing that bothered me slightly is that DH had a health problem about 7 years ago, a virus that is very rare and unlikely to come back but that meant that he lost a lot of feeling in his arms and was in hospital for 10 weeks (he is fine now). Do you think that I need to worry about this??

Anway, with regard to dates, I am on holiday now for 2 weeks but in London again on Fri 16th Sept & Fri 7th Oct if those dates are any good to anyone. I would love to see you both.

It is really great that you are both looking into adoption. I know that it is early days but I would like to think that if we all ended up taking this route we could find the happiness we deserve.

Take Care, Love Amanda xxx
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Postby Grace » Tue Aug 30, 2005 5:47 pm

hello Alison and Amanda

Alison, hope you had a good holiday in France. I am really pleased that you are beginning to think about adoption too. Two under fives, that would be something!! I don't think it is a tactic to steer away from the ivf, it is just moving on really and looking closely at all possibilites which sounds very practical. I know you said you had an information evening coming up so let us know how it goes.
Amanda, you are sounding alot more positve... glad you thought the consultation day was good. We thought it was excellent and it certainly is alot of food for thought.
We are waiting for a social worker to be asigned to us. We have been told all will be sorted by mid September. Hopefully we will be able to start the prepartation courses pretty soon after that. It all seems very slow though. I suppose I am just impatient.
Well we are at last off on our hols for two weeks at the weekend so I won't be around until after the 17th September, 7th October is our wedding anniversary so won't be around then either!!
We wil meet soon though!!...I really,really want to catch up
Let me know you are and keep in touch.
gracexx
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Hi Grace

Postby samk » Thu Sep 08, 2005 8:09 pm

Hi Grace, Just looking at the message board for old times sake. It seems you have made some decisions which look very exciting indeed - I am really pleased for you and wish you all the luck in the world. x
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Postby Alison » Sun Sep 18, 2005 12:45 pm

Hello friends. Sorry its been so long since I last posted. I guess life's been busy as ever, and certainly the last month or so has gone by in a whirl.

Julian and I had a couple of weeks in the south of France in August which was wonderful - did pretty much nothing other than drinking wine and eating cheese and other delicacies but was what we needed. Perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised to find when I got back that I'd put on nearly half a stone!! And since we've been back its been manic. Julian has started at his school, and work's been busy for me too, and happily both are going well.

I had my follow up at the clinic a couple of weeks ago. They kept me waiting over an hour for my appointment and then I saw a Dr who, whilst very nice, I'd never seen before. There were no answers, as ever. It was my "killer cells" that were slightly raised when I was briefly PG last time, but it was borderline, and they weren't convinced that they'd have recommended an IVIG even if they'd known about the levels, let alone that that might have made the difference. The Dr was pretty clear though that I have womb issues, and therefore recommended we consider surrogacy. I know that this is the right route for some people, but it isn't something I would consider. Maybe it would be different if I had a suitable relative or close friend, but I don't, and I can't imagine paying a stranger to carry a child, even if there were guarantees that it would work, which obviously there aren't. This is all a long-winded way of saying that the appointment helped me to finally close the door about future treatment.

We have the initial information meeting with the Council this week about adoption. I'm hoping that this will give us a clearer idea about what sort of child(ren) we might be able to adopt, but even if we come away from that feeling positive we won't rush to take the next steps as Julian in particular has quite enough on with his teaching.

I am, as ever, always up for a meet up. Amanda, I think the ball is back in your court to say when you'll next be in London and we can see if that fits with Grace and anyone else who checks in. Hope that we can manage a get-together before too long.

Much love

Alison xxx
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Postby luce » Mon Sep 26, 2005 11:17 am

Hi girls

Apologies for not posting much at all in the past few months - I have read the posts now and again but since May have been deeply engrossed in my ambulance tech (ie, would-be paramedic) training, which was surprisingly intense. I have however passed the theory and am now out and about and let loose on the general public, not that they are aware of what a risk that is!! It has been a tough few months, mentally and emotionally as this was a huge step, and is the first big life change for me since our decision to stop treatment. It feels good though, to be doing something completely different, although at the moment (and I'm sure for a while to come) I am nervous of what we get called to.

It has also of course had a big effect on my life at home as I now work shifts so Pete and I are adjusting to that, albeit slowly. It is good to have free time in the week when everyone else is at work, although it would be better if he was off too! Am in fact spending the day stuffing around before the first of 2 night shifts today - I need to learn to make better use of this time I have before a shift though.

Alison - it sounds like your followup at the clinic was useful in that it helped you to make a decision about future treatment, although I don't imagine it was an easy decision. I hope Julian is enjoying the teaching, and it is good news that you are looking into adoption. Keep us posted!

Grace and Amanda - also great that you are looking into adoption - how's it going? Have you made any progress?

Am interested to hear how all of you are getting on - it has been one hell of a journey for all of us and it has been so good to share that with others who have been there and understand what a rollercoaster it is.

Has anyone heard anything from Lou or Jen?

Suppose i'd better get on - have to have lunch and then try and get in some sleep this afternoon.

Take care all - would love to be part of the meetup when it happens

Love
Luce
xx
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Postby Alison » Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:23 pm

Hello there Luce! So lovely to hear your news. Many, many congratulations on passing your theory tests. It all sounds like an incredibly exciting time. I hope all is going well now that you're putting your theory into action. What a responsibility! I really hope that you get the enjoyment that Julian has done of doing something that is very definitely "real" and immediate. I can imagine that its not easy, particularly with the shift work, but I am, as ever, full of admiration for you in taking the brave step and moving on to something new.

I too am looking to move on to something new job-wise, although the same sort of work. I have an interview next week - they're interviewing five and I'm not exactly sure that I'm what they're after - but I'll give it a go and see what happens.

The adoption evening was mixed for us. The children they talked about have had such dreadful early experiences and such an incredibly high level of need that I think we both had significant doubts about whether we could provide what the chidren needed. Plus I felt again a really raw anger about the unfairness of it all that people who are so clearly such unfit parents should be able to have their own children when we can't. We have though tentatively expressed an interest in moving on to the next stage - four days of training - but realistically won't be doing that until next summer. I guess at the moment I see it as keeping a door open (or ajar!), rather than anything more definite than that.

I've not heard anything from anyone else for a while, but check in from time to time. Its always good to catch up with what you are doing. As you say Luce we've been on such a journey in so many senses together, and I do feel a very special bond.

Much love

Alison xxx
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