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Hi I'm new and waiting for first consultation

Postby KTF » Mon Sep 12, 2005 12:04 pm

HI,

My husband and I are waiting for our first consultation to see if we can have IVF treatment.

My husband has 3 teenage children from a previous marriage and had a vasectomy shortly after the third was born. The reversal was unsuccessful.

Finding things quite hard at the moment as obviously although he would like us to have a family, his desire is no where near mine. He is also quite negative of the chances of retrieving any sperm in an operation and really isn't ready to even consider donor.

I just want to get things started so that we know where we stand!

Anyone been through similar?

KT.
KTF
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Postby Sand » Mon Sep 12, 2005 5:36 pm

Hi there KT - Just a quick post to say Welcome to the Site. I hope your consultation shows you a positive way forward.

Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
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Postby Terri2 » Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:02 pm

HI again KT, thanks for your reply to my post too.

That must be really tough on you. I know he already has 3 children but he needs to understand how much you want your own children.

Why not ask him to imagine what life would be like if he didn't have children? I bet he couldn't imagine it. Then say "well thats how I feel"

good luck with it all
TTC 2 years
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
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Postby DebraP » Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:47 pm

Hi there, I know there are quite a few women in identical situations to yours on the board - women with teenage or older step-children, even one who has step-grandchildren and she's only 36 and not ready to stop trying for her own.

There's plenty of support available on here. You don't say where you are but if in the UK, I assume you're either going private or know already if your local health authority will fund you?

Good luck
Debra.
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
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Postby KTF » Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:27 am

thanks Debra, good to know that I'm not alone, although wish there weren't quite so many people having trouble if you know what I mean.

We have to go private, went to the doctors to see about NHS funding and he said he would refer us, but not to get our hopes up. The waiting list was likely to be 2-5 years even if they agreed to fund (unlikely because DH has 3 already). We got a letter through last week for a private appointment, no explaination of why not NHS funded, or sorry we have considered you but...... Guess this is just the start of many frustrations.

Unfrotunately although the appointment was soon (27th Sept), we won't be taking it up. The success rates at our most local hospital are just not good enough to consider paying (19% live birth rate for under 35). I am off to the doctor tonight to ask for a referral to another clinic. We are in the West Midlands.

Back to the beggining then, with another 3-4 week wait until we know when our first appointment will be. At least I am going to the doctors tonight, I feel like we are getting things moving again at least.

Katie.
KTF
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Postby DebraP » Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:06 am

Hi Katie, you might want to post on the General Forum and ask for feedback on West Midlands clinics. Most people on here are in the UK so you might hear something useful.

hugs
Debra
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
DebraP
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Posts: 2784
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2003 4:40 pm

Postby gailp » Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:13 am

Hi Katie,

My situation is similar to yours. My DH has 3 children and one grandchild. My DH is supporting me all the way and says that he wants a baby as much as I do, I do believe though that if IVF doesnt work for us he wont be as devastated as me because he already has children. He has been fantastic though and I wouldnt do without him :D

Hope you dont have to wait too long for your appointment
me 38 DH 43 TTC 7.5 yrs. 1st IVF June 05 ended in severe OHSS never made it to ET. FET Nov 05 -ive. FET April 06 -ive FET June 06 OMG BFP
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Postby Terri2 » Tue Sep 13, 2005 6:02 pm

Hi again

I'm in the West Midlands too. I havent had the best service so far from my clinic...........however, one of the consultants at this clinic (Walsgrave Hospital) is meant to be one of the best in the country. Not sure if I can name him or not on here.
TTC 2 years
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
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Postby souris » Sun Oct 02, 2005 4:34 pm

Hi Katie,
I am in the same situation, my husband has children and grandchildren! And when i met him, he was adamant that he will not have anymore children... (and he had a vasectomy, so it gave me little chances...)

We are know trying to conceive, he did not have a reversal, but sperm retrieval, which means IVF/ICSI for us.
I try for the second time in January.

But the hardest part was for me to convince him to have a baby! Now he is as excited as i am, so we are just waiting for the miracle to happen!

Good luck
xxx
souris
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Postby amfy » Sun Oct 09, 2005 10:15 am

Hi!

My other half has one son from his previous marriage but I am fortunate that he has always wanted more. His wife had had 2 from the marriage before that so was only prepared to have one more! (Isn't life complicated?)

I just started the drugs last Thursday (6/10) and will be "harvested" (what a charming thought) w/c 7/11.

On the other hand, it is me that is about to spend the next few weeks injecting into my belly and going through various other indignities and his lack of interest can leave me feeling that it's OK for him, he's already got one!

Really though, I know it's that he's trying to stay calm and not get his hopes up too much in an effort to avoid disappointment, he thinks that by pretending none of this is happenning, he can actually avoid both of us being disappointed if we are unsuccessfull.

I just find that the fact he already has a child of his own makes it easier for me to misinterpret his actions, or get completely irrationally angry with him, just for having a child already!
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Postby DebraP » Sun Oct 09, 2005 10:21 am

Hi Amfy, yes life is complicated isn't it?

Best of luck with your tmt, we've had a rash of 1st-time-lucky on here recently :)

Why not join the October buddies over on the General Forum and chat through your tmt prep? Many people enjoy chatting to others going through the same shots, emotions, apts., worries etc.

Good luck
Debra.
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
DebraP
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