Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[blessed143]

blueeyedreamer- words can not express how sorry I am. I know that this a horrible time (which is not even close to start.) I am thinking of you and your DH, and anyone else in your family. I know that this is hard on you and I am thinking of you. I am truly sorry and I am going to keep you in my prayers. You are true, IVF is such an emotional rollercoaster and it is such a waiting game. Sometimes I become envious of those that can get pregnant the "normal" way because they dont seem to have the same problems and dont seem to suffer the same way. I am thinking of you! Please know that! I am truly sorry!

[blessed143]

Jen- I completely understand. Tried to explain to my mom today about how I feel and what its like going through this and she told me-your uncle and aunt lost twins and it was not early on now thats hard. Yes mom it is but what about your daughter who right now is going through a tough time? I try to keep my faith and know that it is in HIS hands and I do believe that it is... Even if I fall... I hope that your day/weekend gets better! I am sorry that people are upsetting you, I know that people just dont get it. I love this place since I know we are all in the same boat and understand and support eachother!

Gina- I am sorry that your Grandmother is not doing well but I am glad that she is still awake and doing pretty well. Time will go by and soon you will be getting ready for you IVF. I will be thinking of you and your family. I hope that your Grandmother continues to be well....

Ninde- Sugar!!! I want sugar! I hope that AF shows up soon!

AFM- Thinking of you all... I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend! I am now POAS twice a day because I need to see the lines get darker. I am losing my mind. I am going crazy and I am totally losing my sanity-oh wait I dont have any. I really pray that Monday I get some awesome numbers. I hope all you who test on monday get great numbers too. Thinking of you all!

[jayne321]

Just a question... if you were to use donor eggs, would you tell people or keep it secret? I still haven't talked DH into it but I continue to work on it. The website is so interesting. Pictures of the girls and tons of information. Does anyone know if you need to have the same blood type as the girl donating the eggs? It's one of the things they list so I was curious. It is such a crazy process to look for someone that looks like you. I'm still not even sure if this would work for us bc we had a 'text book perfect" embryo and obviously my uterus didn't like it.

[blueeyedreamer]

Jayne- I have no idea if I would tell or not. I kinda blab everything so I probably would as long as dh would allow. I don't think I would go through with donor eggs, but that is just me. It would feel very weird. But, if dh wanted to do it then I would. Thankfully I produced well on one ovary last time but I don't know the quality of the eggs, just the quality of the embryos.

[WeHaveHope]

Dear friends,
Especialy those going through difficult times. I am so sorry that this week has brought us such adversities and so much pain. I know we are all loving, caring, and strong women. Grieve for as long as you need to greive. It's normal to sometimes question our purpose and question many other things as well if not everything. I don't have the answers, I really wish I did. I don't know the plan for each of us, I really wish I did. But I know that we will all feel like life has a purpose for us again. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but time will heal these deep wounds. And although, sometimes we may pick at those scabs and feel the pain again of those wounds once again, in time those scabs will heal again and we will be stronger and once again find our purpose and our happiness. We are all deserving of our wishes and dreams. And I believe with all my heart that they will someday come true. Sending you all strength and all my love.

"Sometimes in tragedy we find our life's purpose - the eye sheds a tear to find its focus."~Robert Brault

"We do survive every moment, after all, except the last one."~John Updike

[amanda1979]

Sunshine- I am so sorry I wish I had some comforting words but I am at a lost. I am sending you all the healing vibes I can muster.

Margi- How are you? So glad to hear from you & your babies you give me hope

jayne321- Love the picture!!!!

blueeyedreamer- Oh My I am so sorry!! I wish I could take your pain away and I hope you & DH can find comfort in each other.

Neffi211- I am glad you are getting started!!!

Gina- How are you? I am sorry about your grandmother. I am sorry I haven't been on here sooner to say something, but I need a few days.

AFM; Had my 2nd beta today and it is 0.7 so it is over for this cycle :( I knew it was though after Monday (sigh) DH & I haven't really talked about it. I think we are both just numb at this point. What else is there to say that we haven't said before? My RE did come check on me as I was getting my blood work done. I told him I wasn't expecting anything today like I was Monday. He is very sweet. He did say we can come talk to him & discuss more options. I don't they have done any chromosome testing on us, so I guess I will ask for that. On a better note, My mom is now cancer FREE!!!! Her PET scan came back clean!!!!!!!

[Sunshine1576]

I sincerely appreciate all the sweet heartfelt comments, none of this is ever easy and as I say this my heart goes out to Blue and Amanda tonight for we never understand any of this, but I'm praying for them tonight. I apologize for not posting personals right now but my mind is so fried with all my questions as I analyze everything from the moment we started trying to conceive.

Today was very difficult I really wanted to hide out in the back and not deal with anyone, but after 30 minutes and realizing we had a $10,000 sales day to make I quickly had to get out of the mood. Plus the more I talked with customers, the better my day went AND together we overachieved our store goal. The girls at work are great anyway and we always pull together, my boss tells me someday I'm going to have alot of aunties because they really are like family.

My clinic did call back this morning with info on the IVF Refund Attain Program and it's around 21 grand for 3 IVF and 3 FET cycles and she mentioned if we did not bring home a baby we would get 70% of our money back. Dh said he thinks we should have a conference call with our RE on Monday to get his thoughts on our last cycle first go over the numbers before we apply for the IVF program. Maybe take a break for a while, well at least through Christmas. In the meantime I'm going to find the very best nutritionist down here to get me on a health kick increasing my protein intake to help me put on 10 pounds. My doctor mentioned no protein supplements, so maybe focus on eatting more meats and whatever beans I can tolerate, lol. Anyway I have tons of reading to do, please forgvie me for not posting personals tonight. You ladies must know you keep this candle burning for this desire to be a mother someday!

This dream is going to happen and I cannot wait to the day we can all hold our babies and finally say we have completed our family. When truth and desire meet, dreams are born. Yes I'm Southern Baptist and so many believe like myself it's all in God's plan/ I think it all boils down to what we believe, so it's going to be hard to be on the same page (when it comes to religion) but I do respect everyone's beliefs. Yes we should be able to grieve in any way we choose and by saying this hopefully doesn't offend anyone but others are here to console and their intentions are good. I'm not any better...even my dh questions it sometimes too because why would God provide a baby to a crackhead how could that be His plan, even if that mother changed her ways her baby would be at high risk. I don't know why... but my faith is what keeps me going and when I do pray it soothes my mind helping me to think more positively. I am not overly religious, but I do have a strong belief. Yes this is probably a controversial topic but I had to reflect on my thoughts tonight and I'm having trouble understanding how by saying it's "God's plan" takes away someone's way of grieving, it's not meant to offend anyone. You go to a funeral and we here people say he's now in a better place, I don't know about any of you but it helps me to think maybe he is, he's no longer grieving or suffering. At the same time it's our valves and beliefs that make up who we are and we have to respect that. xoxo Christy

[blueeyedreamer]

I can see how the sentiment of it's God's plan can be taken the wrong way when it is presented to someone who does not share that idea. I don't think it is because of meaning to put down faith, but comes more from a place of frustration. It's kind of like the "just relax" phrase. That being said, I personally try to keep a sense that the person is just trying to help and it is usually meant to be nice.

It's really hard to stay objective through these difficult times. I strongly believe in the power of conversation and believe that these difficult conversations are good. It helps to see how everybody grieves, handles hard times, and how they bounce back. It helps us all become stronger.

Maria- Your words are beautiful. You should be a writer.

[LYD10]

Blue - I am so sorry! I had an empty sack last round. It's really tough.
Sunshine - I am reAlly sorry. I hope you apply for the ivf program. I think that will increase your chances f getting pregnant by a lot. IUI is less chance of success especially when male factor is involved.

Afm, crappy day. Hit my head real hard on a metal box, had to go to emergency room to get stitches. Had headache all afternoon. Real crappy. On another note, I i did start my BCPs today. So that was good.

[Ninde]

Ladies I am about to go teaching for the day so I will post personals later

Having read Christy's post, I thought long and hard about posting - but I will because for me it needs to be said. I promise that I'm not offended by anyone's belief, I'm a practising Roman Catholic and I have a strong belief in God, a very strong belief. My difficulty with what was said was not that I believe anyone was coming from a place of anything other than the best intention, I utterly believe it was. What I feel is that there is plenty of time for those time of sentiments later, when someone is stronger and possibly able to hear them better. My feeling - and I appreciate it is my feeling and I own it as such, is that sometimes (and only sometimes) those kind of sentiments can shut someone down and they sometimes feel they have less of an option to talk about it - you all know what I do - I'm a psychotherapist - my job is to help someone to feel what they feel - and although thats not a role I take on here - of course it isn't! - I have no doubt thats what also influenced my comments.

I don't wish to start up a controversial conversation about religion - I don't believe it has a place on this board, what does have a place is diversity of opinion - and I'm afraid I know my opinion on this may be diverse but it was important for me to say it. I really hope though that my clarification above has helped and that I havn't caused pain to anyone or that my views or postings for anyone will be less welcome here as a result of it.

With all love, respect and honesty

Ninde (Patrici)

[bodie1011]

Hi Ladies

Blue's comments about Maria being a writer, and maybe its because I just read The Help, but I think it would be a wonderful idea for someone to write a book of stories about infertility journeys. There is so much heartbreak but also so much hope and courage in these stories, it probably would make a wonderful book. And provide inspiration to others...

Anyway, just a thought.

Hope you all have healing/relaxing weekends and hoping for some good news on Monday from Blessed, Julia, and Samantha.

[Julia73]

I have some questions. I apologize in advance for making this all about me but I've been up since 3am crying and I need some relief. I also apologize for tmi. I'm 11dp 3dt. I got up this morning at 3:28 to go the athroom and when I wiped there was a little brown. I'm doing this on my phone and its hard to correct, sorry. Anyway, yesterday was one of the days I would have started and I immediately freaked out, woke dh up and he just held me. I started chugging water and told him I was gonna poas, and he didn't argue. So I went back in to poas and the was negative. Having said that, it was not the first urine of the morning and also it was a cheap dollar store test. Like no name test, totally generic. Its 630 in the morning now and there haas been no blood since then. Its actually clear now. I'm so confused. Had I not taken that stupid test and waited I would have felt better about no more blood.

Can someone tell me if its normal to skip a period if I'm really not pregnant as a result of all the crap my bodies gone thru? I'm pretty regular. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm so scattered right now I can't even get my thoughts out legibly. I'm really freaking out and idk what to do. My Re isn't open on saturdays so I can't call them to ask, and I know some of you are going thru much much worse right now. Please understand that I am not thinking my issues are more important! I'm still praying for everyone here.

[Ninde]

Julia: I'm on lunchbreak from teaching and just read your post. That was awful for you.although it didnt happen to me, I've read over and over how some of the women have a discharge but still get positive betas. I think sometimes its the progesterone. Are you on progesterone support? I'm sorry you are so scared and I'm sure the other women will also be able to offer some thoughts. I know its important you rest though. You said you and your dh like movies and I know your head is anywhere but on a movie but maybe rest and watch one and it might distract you even a tiny bit? X
Ninde

[Julia73]

Thank you ninde..so much. He went in to work for a couple if hours but we are going to go to dinner later I think. Somewhere nice with good steak I hope! Ys I'm on progesterone. 1cc per night.

[Ninde]

Julia : it may be the progesterone, that seems to cause a discharge sometimes. Go really easy x

Ninde