Phrases I never want to hear again!

Discussion forum for those particularly interested in infertility.
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Location: Chicago, USA

Post by Kate350 » Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:18 pm

Couldn't agree more. Especially with karenvancouverisland. "Just try to adopt, that way you will get pregnant, it happened to my sister in law"

You know, I'm new to all of this, we found out about a month ago that my hubby had moderate male factor. I'm still completing my ovulation moniotring cycle, a few funny things, but nothing to worry about yet.

Anyhow, I have told a few friends about it and they just don't get it. To their credit, they try, but what it comes down to is that if you havn't had this issue, you don't know what to say to make the infertile couple feel, they stay stupid things like "are you sure you are timing your sex right?" That one was nice, dontcha think? I don't blame them for it, its not like they teach a class at high school on what to say when your best friend can't concieve.

So, I've decided not to talk about it anymore with my friends or anyone at work. I told my boss, but only because I had so many doctor's appointments, I didn't want her to think I was out interviewing!

I will tell my Mom and Sis all the updates, but that is only because I can tell them to get stuffed if they say something stupid.


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Post by birdie » Fri Jan 30, 2009 9:39 pm

Oh I can so identify with all of your stories! I have chosen to tell only my mother, sister and a few close friends and it just pisses me off the things they say. I know she's only trying to be helpful but with my sister she thinks that yoga is the answer to everything. "Maybe if you do yoga you'll get pregnant. I hear it's great for that" and she's always sending me links to articles on the benefits of yoga on pregnancy. Well, I've already gone down the eastern philosophy route with acupuncture and it did nothing for me except get me further into debt (not covered by insurance of course). But what really pisses me off is my mother's attitude. "Well if you don't have kids it's really not the end of the world. You just move on with your life. Just the other night we were sitting around discussing what life would be like without kids. We'd be so rich!" Well, I would gladly trade in my so-called "riches" to have a child. I told her to just imagine her life without children or grandchildren. I don't think she could. Arrgggghhh! Nobody can understand unless they are faced with the prospect of being childless. It makes me so mad. Ok, no it's not the end of the world but to some people the thought of being childless IS like the end of the world for them.
Me: 38 DH: 35
Age related / Male factor infertility
1st IVF - BFN
2nd IVF - BFN
3rd IVF - 4 embryos frozen
FET #1 - BFN
FET #2 - BFN
Try one last time in Nov. '09?

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Location: Puerto Rico

Post by Sari » Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:12 pm

What about this. I'm the activities coordinator in my church. And I'm the one in charge to coordinate Mothers day, fathers day and baby showers, how ironic. Everybody wants ME to do it. And when finally all is over, I, of course, smiling outside and crying my heart out in the inside, 2 or three persons comes to me with the usually:

"You are going to be the next one."

"What are you waiting for, you are not getting any younger"

and of course:

"Are you expecting, too?"

After 15 years of marriage, if you don't see a person pregnant even one time, why do you even ask? It is so hard to think, well this person has so many years of marriage, maybe can't have a kid, so I'm not saying anything hurtfull. That's a basic, don't you think?

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Post by hope2beamummy » Sat Mar 21, 2009 10:38 am

Oh ladies this thread has just so answered my prayers!!!
I am soooooooooo sick of hearing about "how" to get pregnant ppl are so stupid, I swear I just want to kill some people sometimes, the dumbass things they go on with, we have only told a few ppl about our situation (moderate m/f). Talking about stupid sisters, we started trying for a baby 2 yrs ago. a few mths later my sister finds out she is preg with number 2,tells everyone else that she doesnt know how to tell me because she "felt bad" then tells me eventually. Talk about making me pissed. I was like dont even turn it around and make this about me. (this is before we knew there was a problem). Then when her baby was I guess about 3/4 mths old,guess what?? prg AGAIN! whinged and moaned about it, Im like "hello you know it all works dont play with fire d/head.' lol. Anyway now she knows about our problem and is due on monday,and is getting her tubes tied while in there and is going on about how its weird to have the "choice" to fall taken away if they are tied blah bla.... Im like its YOUR choice to have it taken away from you,at least youve been able to CHOOSE that. Far out couldnt you just kill em sometimes.

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Location: Maryland

Post by dixie_chop » Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:06 pm

Since we are ranting.....

my favorite is.... "your so young, you have time"

are you serious! does that make it easier to try for 3 years with nothing? And, there is still something wrong, regardless of how old i am. And, we want a baby now, thats why we started now, so what does that have to do with it. Grrrh!

check out my story at..

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Post by Brighty » Wed Apr 22, 2009 8:12 pm

Or, "Just have fun trying!"

I'm SO sick of hearing that. Drugs, tests, Dr.'s yeah that's SUPER fun!

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Joined: Mon May 12, 2008 10:30 pm

a personal phrase I was told...

Post by desperate » Thu Apr 23, 2009 1:38 pm

When my wife and I were going through the fertility treatments, they analyized by sperm count and told me, "You've got a really good sperm count." To me, that means nothing, because I still can't get my wife pregnant. I feel like a corvette which has no wheels, so what's the point? If my sperm doesn't get her pregnant then so what if it's a "great count." Grrr. :x

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Location: Georgia

Post by sportsmom » Mon May 18, 2009 4:19 pm

The phrase I hate hearing is "If it's meant to be, it will". Well, why the hell would it not be meant to be??? That really upsets me. Because why would it not be meant for me but for someone else? :roll:
1st IVF -May 11=BFN
FET-Aug 11: BFP!
edd: April 27, 2010

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Location: Maryland

Post by dixie_chop » Sat Jun 13, 2009 12:26 pm

My recent favorite is..."don't go through IVF yet, my friend tried for years and then one day it just happened".

Really? Really? So after 3 years, I should try for another, what 5yrs. Thats sounds like fun. I am going to go through this roller coaster of emotions for 8 yrs and still may not get pregnant on my own. IDIOT! And what is wrong with IVF?

the other recent one, from my uncle, was "don't do IVF, those kids look different". :shock: Who says that??? he doesn't even know any IVF babies. That will always be in the back of my mind when I see him now. I feel like asking him, once our baby is born, if he looks ok to him.

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Post by InfertileNaomi » Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:20 pm

I hate when you are holding a baby and people say "looks good on you!"

You just have to laugh sometimes.

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Location: UK

Post by vicky1707 » Thu Jun 18, 2009 5:13 pm

The worst for me is "oh you're only young, it'll happen" grrrrrrr Very annoying. I've learnt to just switch off now!

I'd rather people say "i don't know what to say" than come out with rubbish like "it'll've got plenty of time......stop worrying it'll happen...etc.."


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Location: Germany

Post by Angela37firsttimeivf » Thu Aug 13, 2009 8:45 am

Jesus girls (and boys). I am cracking up here. This all so true. It's so bad, it is actually funny :D :D :D
Me and DH: 42

2006: 2 ectopics
2007-08: 2 IVFs, 4 FETs: all BFNs
approved for adoption
2009: IVF 3 - BFP!
Adam born 26 April 2010
5 frosties left
2012: FET - BFP! miscarriage at 8 weeks
2 remaining frosties didn't survive
Gearing up for foster care

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Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2009 5:32 pm
Location: Massachusetts

Post by Wondercat » Tue Aug 18, 2009 3:09 am

I loved the co-worker who when I told her we needed to go through IVF proceeded to tell me how she got pregnant by accident with her first child and how her husband was so pissed off she wouldn't even repeat what he said when she told him. Gee, thanks for your sensitivity and understanding. That was just the right thing to say!

And on the sister front, for about the first two years we were going through treatments my sister and her husband would complain about their two beautiful children in front of us, then turn to us with these martyred looks on their faces and sarcastically say, "See how great it is to have kids? Are you sure you really want this?"
Me: 33
DH: 35 (CBAVD)

IVF #1 (1): BFN
FET #1 (2): BFN
IVF #2 (2): BFP!! DS born 10/24/09
FET #2 (2): BFN
FET #3 (2): 11/21/12 -- GO TEAM B!! :)


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Post by mellowyellow » Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:45 pm

we got something similar after telling our closest friends who have 2 kids (one of which, admittedly, is having a really rough 'terrible twos' period). Now, I certainly don't want a kid like their 2 year old :lol: , but seriously, we tell you we're spending thousand and thousands on IVF treatments, of *course* we want kids. Sheesh...

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Joined: Fri Jul 03, 2009 10:09 pm

Post by lw918 » Sun Sep 06, 2009 4:49 am

Oh my gosh! I just had to comment on a couple of these

"why don't you just go out and get drunk and it will happen?!"
I Heard this one a billion times. I finally started saying "Do you know how many times in 6 years we've gone out, got drunk, and had sex!? Hasn't worked yet!"

and the "Just give it time- it will happen when it's the right time" is part of why I waited so long to seek fertility help. Of course, we found out that no amount of time could have helped our cause and we wasted valuable years- although I do have to say, I probably wouldn't have finished school and done some of the things I've productively done.
But you always hear that one from people that never have problems getting pregnant.
My own mother said that to me a million times. My dad looked at her the right way and she could get pregnant!
And my inlaws kepy saying "We wasted time going to see a doctor to find out why we couldn't get pregnant! As soon as we got there they told us she was pregnant!" Good for freaking you- you'd been married less than a year!!!!! I just don't know how much time people really believe you should spend waiting.

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