Hello ladies, sorry to crash your thread, but I see that the awaiting tmt girls are here now!
Chriss, CONGRATULATIONS girl!
SO happy for you!!!! Wow, it's amazing that you guys get to be pregnant at the same time and share this thread!
Hi Mir! *HUGS* It's great to read about you too!! How are you dear?
Carolyn, I came here to check on you (didn't post much, but you know I couldn't forget you!) and I read beach's last posts, and her comments about books.
I have mixed feelings about books. I, too, like to be organized, plan ahead, be informed, you know that from the time we spent chatting. What I found is that all that information was both a blessing and my biggest source of worry and anxiety after Jérémie was born. All that information about how things should be, and what I should do, made me create high expectations towards myself, and towards my son. I felt really, really bad when I wasn't able to do things as books said I should, or I felt like a failure and wondered what I did wrong, spent time doing problem-solving to make things better, and so on. Little things that spoil the moment, like "oh shoot, he fell asleep in my arms, this isn't good, must not create a habit" or "geez, he's 5 weeks now and he still feeds every 2-2:30 hours and only for 10 minutes, I don't want to turn him into a snacker!" How about "mmmh, must understand his cries, because if I don't, by the time he's 3 months old his crying will become undifferenciated by my fault!" (yup, all that info was from Secrets of a baby whisperer, a best-seller and a book I alsolutely worshipped... until I delivered and saw what life with a baby is really about!!!!)
Then I realized I had become a slave of those books and didn't rely on the best advice there is: my instinct. Sometimes, relative ignorance is BLISS!!!!
I literally took all my books except one (the no-cry sleep solution; the only book I read that treats you and your kids like human beings who are not perfect) and put them in a box downstairs. They're still there.
Because I stopped putting my nose into books, things happen in the right order, I think. Instead of gathering information from books and observing my son to see if it applies so I do the right things as the books suggest... I observe my son, do what feels right, change my approach a little bit when it doesn't work, and when I find the right combination of things, bingo, I have knowledge. It's the best you can find, because it fits to YOUR kid(s).
Oh, books like the baby whisperer (my biggest source of guilt) insist that you must observe your kid and find the right way for him/her, but they also drown you in programs, routines, expectations, how-to's, that create standards you can WELL do without.
I did co-sleeping with Jérémie during his first two weeks because I felt he needed a smooth transition. The day I felt it was enough, I bought his pliable bassinette and he slept next to our bed. A few weeks later, I suddenly felt he was ready to sleep in his big bed in his own room. Each time, I was right. No book could teach me that in advance. I started him on solids weeks before my doctor told me to start them, I went against her advice. And I was right; he needed them and still breastfed 5-6 times per 24h. See what I mean? Even now, I am careful with books. I read them to know what foods were really dangerous for him depending on his age. But I don't rely on books to decide when to introduce green beans vs sweet potatoes. I go with the flow and listen to my inner voice. The old me would have felt uneasy with that method; what if I do something wrong? What if I make a mistake because I'm missing some information? When those thoughts sneak into my head, I look at my son, healthy and happy, and they quickly vanish.
Sorry for the editorial my dear, but I just thought I'd share my two cents. Putting those books in that box was an emotional moment of stress, doubt and anguish, and if I can spare you that, good!
Take care luv, and many hugs,