Maria - again, I'm so sorry. Even before we start this process, we are imagining the baby and child that we want to bring into the world. After a BFP, we start planning for that joyous day only a few months later when we will finally hold that child in our arms. When that dream is ripped away and all that's left is the uncertainty of the future, it's absolutely devastating. I hope you can find comfort. God is not punishing you. What could you have possibly done to deserve this? What could I have possibly done to deserve what I've been through? I don't know why things happen, but they do, and all we can do is just keep living. I highly recommend finding a therapist, just in general. Cry as much as you want, that's totally normal. It's also normal to be in denial, to be angry, to be numb, to be anything you are.
Christy - I'm sorry you don't feel like going home for the holidays. My whole family is here now for our holidays and it's so depressing. I can totally understand not wanting to go and being the only ones without kids at such a kid-centered celebration. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother too, it's so hard when they get older. My grandmother is here visiting and she is clearly NOT okay (she is very forgetful and paranoid - some classic Alzheimer's symptoms). She lives alone in New York, so now my mom (an only child) is trying to figure out what to do and how to tell when she isn't okay living alone anymore. It's so hard.
Gina - I also live really far away from my family (I live in Israel, they live in PA). It's hard to be so far apart. But luckily we live in a time when phone calls aren't expensive (my aunt moved here 30 years ago and calls were so expensive that she spoke to her family only once a month).
Tess - you're in New Zealand? Cool! How is the medical system there? Do you have socialized medical coverage? Is the IVF covered? My whole family are HUGE football nuts and Pittsburgh Steeler fans - and I just don't get it - but congrats on your team doing so well! My husband LOVES tongue (we don't eat pork, so it's beef tongue) and I think it's GROSS! I just can't imagine tasting something that could be tasting me back!
Kat (tuffy) - have fun! Where are you going/what are you doing? When's your next u/s?
Lauren (319) - 6 follies already! That sounds great! I hope this cycle is soooo much better than last time! Food poisoning is gone, thank goodness. As for my DH, it's not that he doesn't want me to get support, but he thinks maybe being on the boards does more harm than good... He is trying to do what is best for me. I think it's better on here, though! So I'm staying! === wow, a MA in forensic pysch - that sounds so interesting!
Julia - welcome! Don't worry too much about ovarian torsion - it's really really rare. They just tell you about it to scare you
and I always take it as an excuse to skip the gym! Good luck at the check up tomorrow. I've taken Follistim (under the name Puregon) for all three of my fresh cycles and it's worked great. No really bad side effects, just bruising on the injection sites and uncomfortable bloating from the growing follicles.
Lydia - so nice to "see" you! How are things going, honey? Any news on when you can start again?
Felicia - less than a week until your us! How exciting!
AFM - really exciting news here in Israel, not sure if it's big news in the USA or other parts of the world. Gilad Shalit, an Israeli soldier who was captured more than 5 years ago at the age of 19, was released today in exchange for 1,027 terrorist prisoners being released. This is HUGE news here. He is a national hero and people have been wanting him back for a long time. At the same time, everyone is appalled that we have set free more than 1,000 people who have killed in the name of terror. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, but that's what's happening today!
Just 9 days until I stop my BCP. I'm so anxious to get this show on the road already. I'm terrified when I think about how crushing a BFN would be, and also terrified at the thought of getting pregnant again.... <sigh> hopefully I'll get a BFP and then worry about it!