by JessicaJJ » Sat Apr 21, 2018 7:30 pm
Don't beat yourself up! It is a very hard decision to make. I'd recommend you go for counselling to discuss whether it's right for you before you go down this road, although I think most clinics stipulate you having to do counselling anyway. I can completely relate to the feeling of feeling it isn't right for you and the only way you could really consider it was if your sister donated her eggs to you. I felt this way too, and funnily my sister offered before I even asked. Initially I was thrilled but the more I thought about it the more I realised I would actually prefer an identifiable stranger donor. I didn't want my child’s aunty to be their donor mum. I felt that would be too weird and confusing for my child and for their cousins. Also I realised the reason I was hung up on my sister doing it was because of how much I was struggling with having no genetic link with my child. The idea that my child would not carry my genetics was hard. Now though I realise that your child even if they are genetically linked to you, may not look like you, they may look like their dad, or gran or cousin. So I soon felt a stranger donor was the best option. It took me about a year to finally realise donor egg was our best option and to be happy with that.
Our clinic finds a donor for you based on what you pick as important to you with regards to physical attributes, proven fertility, age, etc. For us things like physical attributes were not important as we plan to tell our child about where they come from, but proven fertility, BMI, age...these can affect the likelihood of success, so they were vitally important to us. We decided not to use UK clinics as our child can then trace their donor if they wish to when they are old enough. We felt that was unnecessary.
I agree with Miranda the donors are heroes. I'm so grateful we live in an age where the door isn't shut on our chance to have a family. You will get your head around the idea, just give yourself time and talk it through with a counsellor. Like I say I'm delighted I finally had the sense to give up on my own dodgy eggs and move to DE. It's a cliche but you are only taking an egg... A single cell, the baby that you produce will be yours. Your body nourishes it, feeds it, keeps it safe and warm and love. It hears your heartbeat and your voice every day. It wouldn't turn out to be that same child in anyones body but yours. Epigenetics means that your body determines which genes are switched on and off... So you aren't just an incubator. You are the mum.
This is my 1st go with DE, so I don't have a success story to share and I can't tell you how I'll feel after the birth, but I can tell you my initial fear and rejection of the very idea of DE has turned to excitement. Just give yourself time.
Good luck with whatever you decide...xxx