I'm 31, dh 34, we've been together for 4 years now and we live in sunny Algarve, Portugal. Planned to get pg two years ago but nothing ever happened, period after period. We kind of knew we would have problems, dh had Hodgkin's and chemo and radiotherapy when he was 14.
Eventually we found out the treatments back then were total killers as far as fertility is concerned and nowadays they use less harmful drugs with the same results and advise patients to bank sperm before the sessions. None of that was available at that time.
Decided to get tested last year and found out he suffered from azoospermia. I ravaged the net looking for info, research papers, clinics, statistics, anything I could get my hands on and figured he would have to do a biopsy, we would collect some sperm and get ready for ICSI, hormone pills, injections and some more waiting. He kept telling me not to get my hopes high but in the back of my mind I still believed it was possible. He was right.
So we came home empty-handed. Our options now are adoption or donor sperm and we're having a hard time dealing with this. The fact that we will never be able to have our own biological child is devastating but we've come to realise that as long as we have each other we'll manage some how. It just seems so unfair that after all he'd been through as a child he still has to face this! I know he's feeling guilty - he knows how badly I wanted a baby - but I'm feeling guilty too because I don't dismiss the idea of using donor sperm and somehow it feels like a betrayal (is this the right spelling?).
Fortunatly I've found these Forums and finally I was able to share this with people who really understand what we are going through. For the past two years it seemed like everybody was getting pg but us and we still had to hear how simple it all had been or what were we waiting for and stuff like that.
I really dont' know what to do and I suppose we both need to sleep on it before we make a decision. Meanwhile I've been reading and writing posts and it made feel much better. It's easier when you're not using your own language, somehow you manage to distance yourself like if it wasn't really you.
Thanks for reading.
Feel free to answer and correct my English