Got any good comebacks for nosy people?

Announcement of pregnancy and birth following assisted reproductive treatment.
Post Reply
Posts: 325
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:33 pm

Got any good comebacks for nosy people?

Post by SilverAngel679 » Fri Feb 20, 2009 3:41 am

Ok, so Valentines day my husband and I went out to a dance at a catering hall. At one point during the night I had to go to the bathroom and one of the women sitting with us went with me.

In the bathroom, the woman I was sitting with asked if I was ok coming down all the steps we had just come down and I was honest with her and said that it wasn't as easy as I would like it to be, she commented that it must be so much harder carrying 2 babies then it was carrying just one and I agreed with her.

Well, just then a voice from the great beyhond (one of the stalls) yells out. "WAIT!! DON'T GO ANYWHERE!!!"

The girl and I looked at eachother with frowns and now I'm thinking "oh great, what kind of nut did I attract to myself now?"

So the voice comes out of the stall, a woman in her 40's, looks at me and says
"Your having twins?"

I say yes and the next thing out of this incredibly rude persons mouth is the typical bull.

"Was it natural or fertility?"

I just looked at her and wanted to say all kinds of stuff but I bit my tongue and just said that they where naturally mine.

Why do people think it's ok to ask if I can have sex with my husband and concieve his children or not? Why do they think it's ok to ask such personal questions and not even blink at the fact that how my children are made are none of their business?

I'm not ashamed that I had to go through what I went through for my boys and if I knew that anyone was having problems I would gladly share the wealth of knowledge I've accumulated as far as infertility goes, but I'm so tired of constantly being asked in a round about way about my bedroom habits and rather or not I or my husband "work" properly.

And besides that there's other rude stuff people have to say, like whe I say we're expecting twins, a few people have said "better you then me" or "I'm glad their yours and not mine"

Now I know this my not bother some of you ladies, but it's really starting to irritate me especially when my husband brought up the fact that because we're having twins and they're such a novelty so to speak, we're going to get stared at where ever we go and the boys are going to get fussed over more then a single baby would because they're twins.

Which brought me to the conclusion that I'm probably going to get asked these rude questions for the the rest of my life when I'm out with them or when I mention that I'm a twin mother.

What do you ladies think and how do you respond to these questions?

Any advice would be great as I'm gearing myself up to answer with things like "We had sex twice in one night, that's how we got twins" or "Oh, you want to share stories how our children where concieved? I'm in!! You first." and my favorite, "My husband has a HUGE sperm count and a super long *&^% to deliver the load, that's how our twins got here, anything else you'd like to know?"

I'm actually looking forward to all the shocked faces and appologies.
Me: Liz, 29 (Healthy)DH: Tom, 28 (Male factor)
IVF#2: BFP (m/c @ 14weeks)
IVF#3: BFP Twin Boys, born 3/23/09


Valued Contributor
Posts: 1744
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:57 am
Location: Connecticut

Post by CT_Michele » Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:06 am

It doesn't sound like you need any help with comebacks- I love the answers you thought of and I would totally say them to rude and inappropriate people.

For people who say things about having twins, like better you than me, I would say something like, "Your right, it does take a really strong person." and let them infer that means they wouldn't be able to handle it.

For the rude people, maybe you can think of a really personal and inappropriate question to ask them, like...."since we are ok asking each other really personal questions, maybe you can tell me who did the work on your nose?" Of course that might be viewed as childish and immature, or some might say don't stoop to their level, just grin and bear it.

People are just rude and don;t even realize it. I really wish people would think about what they say before they say it.
Me- 28 DH- 33 Male Factor
1st IVF- 12/07- BFP! Ella Michele was born 8/26/8
2nd IVF- 04/09 - BFN
1st FET- 09/09 - Chemical
3rd IVF - 04/11 - Embies didn't make it to ET
4th IVF - Fall 2011??

Posts: 594
Joined: Sun Oct 28, 2007 5:08 pm
Location: Las Cruces, NM. USA (orig. from Venezuela)

Post by esperanza » Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:36 am

hey girl. I feel your pain. That woman was WAY out of God! how rude and nosy :?

I really liked your comeback line though "they're naturally mine." Brilliant!

I like your other come back lines too. Specially the one about sharing, you go first! hehehehehe. I haven't had the same experience as you since I'm having just one, BUT I do remember one time in my life when I gained a lot of weight at once and people were making rude/stupid comments/questions so I became bitter and started responding with rude comments as well. It worked!

You go girlfriend, your babies are little treasures-- that's the most important, so just ask those folks to back off and mind their own business!
me: 33 dh: 40
2 miscarriages (natural pregs. #1 Aug 2006, #2 May 2010)
IVF # 1 jan 08 BFN
FET #1 March 08 BFN
FET #2 July 08 BFP (DD born on April 2009)

Posts: 257
Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2008 9:55 pm

Post by bdantonio » Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:04 pm

well here is a lovely rude story for you. I am a hairdresser and i was doing my sister-in-laws hair one day and we were talking about my daughter and the ivf when a lady sitting next to us made a comment "That if god did not want me to have kids then i should of excepted that and not done ivf", well lets say I LOST IT.. I told her who the hell did she think she was, and that i pray that she stays healthy her entire life cause if she does not believe in ivf i hope she never has cance or a heartattack because that is all MODERN meds and she should just except her faith and die then. You should of seen her face. As far as i was conncerned she said my child should not of been born.

Then again when people know i have had ivf i have had the comments oh they are test tube babies... I always say no they are my babies are your children not yours?

Valued Contributor
Posts: 1114
Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 6:52 pm
Location: Boise, Idaho

Post by kholtan » Fri Feb 20, 2009 3:13 pm

Some of these comebacks are HILARIOUS!!!! :lol: :lol:

I think I must fall in the category that it doesn't bother. Fertility is so much more common now days I have met some really neat people just from knowing we were having twins and now that they are older. I think you just have to figure out how to manage it so that you are comfortable with the people all around.
When my twins were under a year, they were always so tiny and it really drew a crowd. It was hard to let people know it was ok to look but not touch. Now since I have b/g twins the novelty is wearing off and people actually don't assume anymore that they are twins. It's nice but as much as I thought I would love this day getting here it's also a sad reminder that they are getting big.

Good luck with however you handle it but if you decide to use some of your comebacks. . . please, please share the stories! :lol:
Me 35, DH 35
Ectopic Oct. 2005
IVF transfer 1-21-07. . .TWINS!!!!][img][/img]][img][/img]

Posts: 420
Joined: Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:42 am
Location: Pa/NJ

Post by Cocoa » Fri Feb 20, 2009 7:34 pm

Hey! Get this line!!! I had a doctor come into my room after my twins were born and he asked me a myriad of questions - my age included - when I responded I was 45 he said - "a little old to be on this ward right?" WHAAAAAAATTTTTT!!!!!!! How ignorant but I didn't say a word because HE had an accent and was probably from the country of "absolutely rude and ignorant!" where women are just "things" to make the "correct" age of course...

1 son b. 1993 -TTC (again) for 12 years
BFP!-8/22-9dp5dt - 485 8/24-1272 8/27-4636
B/G TWINS!!! Due 4/30/08 Born Friday April 4th, 2008 at 36w 2d Baby girl A 6 lbs 7 oz Baby boy B 6 lbs 3 oz

Posts: 275
Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:14 am
Location: Tallahassee, FL

Post by TwinMommy » Fri Feb 20, 2009 8:07 pm

There is this book I read "Ready or not, here we come" and here is what she said....when someone asks if you did IVF you respond "Do you douche?" Seriously, it is that personal of a question! People are just rude most of the time. I have always just been asked if they run in the family. I say yes. However, if I am comfortable around someone and it comes up I will say it was IVF.

Seriously, bdantonio, that was so funny about the lady. Gosh I wish I could have seen her face! I have been told the God thing before as well. But God would not have put people on this earth to make IVF possible if he did not want to!!!
Me: 25 PCOS, BFP 1st time with twin girls!


Posts: 152
Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2007 5:24 pm

Post by tryw8 » Sat Feb 21, 2009 4:45 pm

Even when I was pregnant with a singleton, I was always asked if I went through IVF. I just smile and reply, "This is a miracle baby." ... and I leave it at that.
Failed IUI
hysteroscopy/laparoscopy 1/07 (blocked tube,endo)
IVF 5/07 BFN
FET 11/07, BFP 12/07
07/31/2008 (508am) --> our son was born!


Posts: 752
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:08 pm
Location: Denver, CO

Post by kerpupples » Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:01 pm

I really can't believe that woman was so rude! I probably would have just snapped back "None of your beeswax!"
Me: 39 DH: 41 Male Factor
3yo DD from FET
IVF PGD clinical trial, FET Jan 2012 Beta 1/14 447, Beta 1/16 1161 U/S 1/30 it's twins!
Graham and Audrey born 9/5/12. 37w4d, no NICU time!

Posts: 713
Joined: Wed May 07, 2008 3:20 am

Post by karenvancouverisland » Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:43 pm

sorry you ran into such a rude person silverangels....although i'm not having twins, i've ran into my share of rude people along this journey. the best response for me is to say something like 'that's a very personal question and i'm not going to answer you'...or to even tell them 'i find that rude'

straight up is my style and although i want to rant at them sometimes, i try not to just to save my energy for something i'll enjoy more.

i think as an ivf woman, if i had a hunch another woman was like me, i'd start by sharing about myself and apologizing in advance for being intrusive..and inviting a conversation, instead of blurting out something that feels like an accusation.
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
feb 21 hb 154

Posts: 236
Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:57 pm
Location: NEW YORK

Post by alreadyblessed » Mon Feb 23, 2009 12:04 am

ladies, I had to hold onto my cervix reading these posts. Absolutely HILLARIOUS!!!!
1st IVF~DD 2004
2nd IVF~ 2008 BFP
Thank you Lord for this blessing
love and miss you gram and baby b

Posts: 325
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:33 pm

Post by SilverAngel679 » Mon Feb 23, 2009 2:16 pm

Ladies thank you all so much for your replies. I'm so happy to know that I'm not just being uptight and intolerant.

I can handle people being rude to a certain extent, but when my husband brought it up that we would attract more attention then normal after they where born I really got to thinking that it wouldn't just stop when they where little but any time in my life when I mentioned that I have twin boys.

I love the whole "Do you douche?" line!! I think I might add it to my list.
Me: Liz, 29 (Healthy)DH: Tom, 28 (Male factor)
IVF#2: BFP (m/c @ 14weeks)
IVF#3: BFP Twin Boys, born 3/23/09

Posts: 128
Joined: Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:42 pm
Location: USA

getting back at them

Post by Literatriz » Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:00 pm

Hi! Just a quick note sharing my husband's suggestion. We are over 50 couple having triplets and some of those embarrassing questions came up.
My husband is a therapist so he told me to use responses like that: "I know you want the best for us! Do you think knowing more about it would make you care more ...(pause) or less?"... or "I wonder what particular aspect of conception you are interested in - do you have a background in reproductive endocrinology"...or " it seems hard for you to enjoy that we are having a baby without having the details with it - do you have a difficult near birth experience?"

I must say I have been practicing!!!!

Good luck,
me 50, dh 54
2 BFN after IVF in Brazil
1 BFP after IVF in Brazil (Clinic Origen, thanks!)

Three little girls born February 27th!!!

Posts: 325
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:33 pm

Post by SilverAngel679 » Mon Feb 23, 2009 11:05 pm

That's great. I think I still prefer the snide ones
Me: Liz, 29 (Healthy)DH: Tom, 28 (Male factor)
IVF#2: BFP (m/c @ 14weeks)
IVF#3: BFP Twin Boys, born 3/23/09

Post Reply