Managing Stress During Infertility

Traci · Post by **Traci** » Thu Oct 23, 2003 7:29 pm

Managing Stress During Infertility by Harriette Rovner-Ferguson, CSW I remember when I was going through infertility treatment my family and friends couldn't wait to give me their advice. "Calm down", they would say. "Go on vacation, drink some wine, leave your job and work part time. You'll see, all you need to do is relax and you'll get pregnant." I tried to follow their advice but the more pressure I put on myself to calm down, the more anxious and guilty I felt. Why couldn't I relax enough to get pregnant. Sound familiar? Things haven't changed much in the past twelve years. Relatives are still giving the same advice to infertile couples. However, the good news is that over the past few years researchers have found there is a lot more to stress management than drinking wine and taking vacations. It is about learning to feel better physically and become more in control emotionally. On a daily basis. Who knows? Couldn't hurt, might help! Seriously, the relationship between stress and infertility is a subject that has been studied over the past ten years. Alice Domar, a psychologist who has done extensive research in the field found that in a 1992 study of 338 infertile women and 39 matched fertile controls, the prevalence and predictability of depression were assessed. The infertile women had significantly higher depression scores than the control subjects and also had twice the prevalence of depressive symptoms. Infertile women are not only significantly more depressed than their fertile counterparts, their depression and anxiety levels are equivalent to women with heart disease, cancer or HIV-positive status. She believes as I do that this is a chicken and egg kind of situation; stress could be the cause of some unexplained infertility problems, and infertility problems, no matter what the origin, causes stress. So, if we know that infertility puts enormous amounts of stress on the individual and couple, it makes sense to find out ways to alleviate it. But, before I discuss some proven stress reduction techniques, it is important to define what stress means. According to Dr. Steven Burns, most of us define stress as worry. Your body however, has a different, much broader definition. To your body, stress means change. Therefore, anything in your life that changes causes stress. If you find the dress you want to wear before you go to a party, your body reacts-you can actually feel the change. That is stress. Good stress. Or, if you find that the medical treatment you just finished was not successful, you body reacts-you can feel the change. Bad stress. Good or bad, if there is any sort of change in your life, it is stress, at least as far as your body is concerned. Another stress exists almost all the time in the lives of most infertile couples. It is imagined stress or worry. You all know it. You all live it. It's that worry that you feel when you fear that the next treatment you want to pursue might not work- like the last one. And, even though your body reactions might not be as clear as the reactions felt when you were content or surprised or let down; imagined change or worry is stress. Emotional stress. And that is just as hard on the body. Today, many therapists and medical professionals specializing in infertility and other health related conditions acknowledge that stress and illness are inseparable. They have found that teaching their patients stress management techniques- is essential to helping them to manage their high anxiety. One of the basic methods to any stress reduction program is breathing. For centuries people who practiced yoga, T'ai Chi, prayer, meditation and athletics understood that controlled and focused breathing reduced the negative effects stress had on their bodies. They learned that simple diaphragmatic breathing (as opposed to breathing from the chest) had the power to release anxiety and tension while it elicited more centered and clear thinking. To understand how powerful the breath is and how closely your mind and body are linked, think about how your breathing changes when you experience the situation discussed above. When you find that dress you have been longing for, you sigh and when you imagine that you will feel happy and content, your breath becomes deep and full. However, when you are angry or upset after the negative results are given to you after a failed cycle, your breath becomes shallow and rapid. You are usually not conscious of your body during these moments-you react automatically, not mindfully. Herbert Benson, M.D. and Eileen M. Stuart, R.N., M.S. in The Wellness Book, explain one way you can breathe healthfully and mindfully: "Lie on your back in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and place one hand on your belly just below the belly button. Because of the movement of the diaphragm with each breath, as you inhale your hand will rise slightly. As you exhale, your hand will fall. Focus your attention on the rising and falling of your hand. This is diaphragmatic breathing. An ideal time to practice this is just before going to sleep. You can practice during the day when you are standing or sitting." Another place to focus on breathing is at the nostrils. Observe how the air is slightly cooler as it enters your nose and somewhat warmer as it leaves. Once you feel comfortable with these simple breathing exercises, you might want to try other techniques such as guided imagery, meditation or focusing. Journal keeping and writing has also been proven recently to reduce stress and actually alleviate pain in patients experiencing heart disease or arthritis. There are a number of resources available to teach you how to reduce stress including a full description of exercises in the self-help guide in Experiencing Infertility by Debby Peoples. MSW and Harriette Rovner-Ferguson, CSW. Remember changing the way you deal with stress during this crisis can set the tone and pace for managing stress for the rest of your life. NOTE: Some of the information in this article was excerpted from "Experiencing Infertility" (WW Norton, 2000) by Debby Peoples. MSW and Harriette Rovner-Ferguson, CSW available on amazon.com Harriette Rovner Ferguson is a psychotherapist who runs support groups and provides individual and couples counseling for infertility. She has published articles on the emotional aspects of infertility and has conducted workshops for professionals working in the field. Harriette is a member of the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. She lives with her husband and two children on Long Island. Harriette co-authored with Debby Peoples, Experiencing Infertility, An Essential Resource (known in hardback as "What to Expect When You're Experiencing Infertility (How to Cope with the Emotional Crisis and Survive."

beckym · Post by **beckym** » Thu Oct 23, 2003 10:38 pm

Good article, traci!