Introductory "hello!"

[48Crash]

48Crash saying HELLO!

At the risk of being labelled sexist with my first post, I realise that this forum is probably mainly used by women, however . . . yep, I'm a bloke and I'm not here to spoil any parties - quite the contrary, I'm on the hunt for information.

I've been married before and, after 4 years of unprotected intercourse in that relationship, my son was conceived as the marriage came to an end (a long story). I've moved on and met a wonderful woman several years ago and we were married last year.

My wife and I have been trying for a child for about 5 years now, give or take a few months. I'm shortly to be 36 (January) and she has recently turned 34 (August) so, as you can see, time is ticking away.

We've already had 2 goes at ICSI at the Hammersmith in London and both have been unsuccessful - both were this year - the first in Feb and the second in Oct. We've got another appointment for June next year although my wife is looking very much on the dark side of things lately.

Anyway, this is meant to be an introduction so I'd better stop here before I end up writing my life story and boring everyone to death!

In summary, I'm here to hear about other ICSI stories (successful or not) and, in particular, anyone who has had dealings with ODSTOCK HOSPITAL, SALISBURY as we are thinking about transferring our treatment there from Hammersmith in London.

In addition, I'd be VERY grateful for any tips for dealing with the whole unsuccessful ICSI side of things - I think both the wife and I are going through a bit of a depression at the moment and we end up not talking to each other about it because we don't want to bring the other down. Any helpful hints you can pass on would be MOST appreciated as I've used up all my ideas and need some new ones!

Looking forward to hearing from you . . . See you around!

Crash.

[Charity]

Crash...While I'm from the States and can't comment on either of the clinics mentioned, I did want to wish you and your dw the best of luck. I have gone through a zero fertilization cycle in October with ICSI, so understand how failure feels. Please know that you two have made it through so many hurdles already, though. I never thought my first IVF/ICSI would be canceled due to no embies (only happens to 1% of patients w/ ICSI), but that's exactly what happened. Unfortunately, this is most often a numbers game. If you look at the statistics (at least in the States), you need to go into this knowing that you may have to go through a minimum of three fresh cycles before conceiving. Often times more depending upon your age, assuming there are no other factors. I know there are some women who have immune issues that cause them to either miscarry early or to not have implantation at all. If you haven't already looked into this, it might be something to talk to your RE about.

I would also encourage you two to open those lines of communication to talk about the situation. I know my dh and I found it initially easier to put the blinders on and just go through the drudge of every day life and keeping things light, but that only lasted so long. We finally both came together and talked, and I can't tell you how much better I felt. I think it can only bring you two closer as long as neither is in the "blaming" mode, but accepting this is the situation we are in together as a couple, and it's something we will resolve as a couple. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you just need to be there for each other, making decisions on your IF together, your treatment together, and sometimes being the stronger one when the other is feeling a weaker at the moment. Just know that you are both not alone. Please invite your wife to this board, as well. The women here are such an awesome support system. They understand all the moods, all the emotions, the physical toll, and the risks involved with this rollercoaster ride on our way to having a family. Personally, I'd have been lost without them. They are also great for medical recommendations, as far as what the next step might be or if there are potential tests that can be investigated...Take care, Crash, and all my best...

[sassynlv]

Crash: Welcome to the site. We love having "blokes" on board as you have a different perspective of the same struggle. sorry, from the US, so no info on clinics in London (keep looking, though, lots of women here treating in/around London). I have done 3 ICSI cycles and know the disappointment and frustration. My first two cycles i had a poor response to the protocols. My third cycle, my RE switched it up and put me on a microdose lupron flare. This worked MUCH better for me. We had 12 ferts (versus 4 and 5 on previous cycles). Hoping for a few good embryos for transfer next month.

I wholeheartedly agree w/charity re: communication. I know that is a "buzz word", but I can also tell you from experience that once we started sharing our fears/frustrations w/each other, we became closer and it truly became us against the world (or infertility, at least). I know it has not always been easy for my dh, as i am naturally the more emotional one (hormones and all ). Prior to IF, this was not a strength in our relationship, but we have worked hard at it, and we have seen big benefits. At least at this point, i know that if we don't have children, we have a strong marriage. IF is very stressful on a marriage! Hoping you find a way to go through this together as a team.

Again, welcome!!! And good luck!!!