Not sure where I belong!

[Dagny]

Hello everyone.

I am feeling a bit low at the moment and until Marcus gets the new forum up and running I am not sure where I belong. I am just floating around in cyber space between the forums. I am not PG anymore and not having treatment just yet but I am not giving up either.

I really enjoyed all the gossip and PG talk and miss it terribly. I am petrified of going back to the other side full time to try again. The whole process gets me down and before I lost Katelyn I used to think 'Thank God I don't have to do that again'. Just goes to show how we should never sit back and take things for granted.

I am sorry if I am sounding negative but I am having a bad day. You girls have been so lovely especially recently and I don't want to leave you all. I hope you don't mind me floating in and out and posting with you.

I saw my consultant today and he said it was more than likely the amnio that caused the onset of early labour which shocked me to bits. I now blame myself completely and feel awful My advice to you all is NOT to have an amnio unless you absolutely have to. There are on the other hand other reasons too which may have caused it which we will never know now.

Keeping my fingers crossed that you ALL have healthy and happy pregnancies. I have told Marcus we liked the name 'Babies - Loved and Lost' for the new forum so hope it won't be too long before its here.

Love Dagny xx

[Zed2003]

Hi Dagny,

I'm so sorry you are feeling so low today, unfortunately it is only natural so definately don't be sorry and you are not really being negative - but very brave that you are still posting. In terms of 'belonging' - I understand what you mean, but remember, you have been off so much help to other people, that we all want to help you if that is in any way possible, so don't 'leave' and use this board and any other as your means of sounding off any time - that's what it's there for.

As for the amnio - blaming yourself is not the way to go - it was a decision you took as it was felt it was needed at the time - life is full of 'what ifs' etc and while it may help you at the moment (I know when I m/c I found things I had done to blame) in the long term, it uses so much of your energy - energy that could be used next time - you've said yourself that you are not ready to give up. (I'm reading this back and I hope it doesn't sound harsh as I certainly don't mean it that way). I always think that things happen for a reason and something else will be around the corner for you - your precious Katelyn will always be with you and she will be watching over you the next time... I truly believe that and after I m/c, I kept my hospital bangle that I'd had from the ET and it had been placed around the tummy of a small teddy we had bought just after we'd lost the baby. It may sound stupid, but I spoke a quiet word to it every night and morning though my last treatment and now it sits in Sam's cot...

I hope you find some peace soon - and please remember that we are all here for you.

Love
Zoe x

[phil]

hi dagny,

i'm so pleased that you've decided to continue and to take some time to yourselves too, you've both been through a hell of a lot. more than some people experience in a lifetime.

dagny you have always been so encouraging to everyone and contributed enormously on both sides. you are as much a part of this page as all of us. please don't leave, just use any side you feel you want to.

lol

phil x

[Wibbs1]

Hi Dagny


I'm sending you a great big{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You can stay on this side for as long as you want to, you deserve to be here just as much as the rest of us, you are still a Mummy even though your little angel in not here she is still in your heart.

You will get good days and bad days, but try to look forward and stay positive for the future.

Thinking of you and take care
Love
Wibbs
xxxx

[alisonn]

Dagny, im sorry u are feeling low, but this is all part of the grieving
process, i know its hard but you must never blame yourself regarding the amnio, at the time you did what you thought was best.
You have been a wonderful support to all the girls on this site, and it
doesnt matter where u post, as everyone will be there to try and
support you when u need it.
Im glad u have decided not to give up, in time you will know when it
is the right time to start again.
I think the name and idea of the new forum is a wonderful idea.
I do hope trmw will be a brighter day for you.
alisonn

[Dagny]

Thanks girls

It does mean a lot to me that you all care so much. I have good and bad moments which I know is to be expected but each day is a huge hill to climb. David is back at work and my mum has gone back to Devon and I suppose bumbling around at home alone is making me dwell too much.

Yesterday was tough but I got through it which is an achievement in it's self.

Love and hugs Dagny xx

[Dawn V]

Dear Dagny

Please don't stop posting on either side. It's lovely to have you around and if your having a down day and want to share it then you go right ahead because we are all here for you.
With regards to the amnio, you did what you thought was best and I'm sure any of us in that position would have done the same (I know I would) so please don't blame yourself.
You are so right when you say don't take anything for granted, I worry every single day whether i will reach the end of this pregnancy with the outcome we all want and deserve, but I'm also trying to think to myself that all the worrying in the world won't change what happens.
Take care of yourself and I hope tomorrow is a little easier for you.
Much love
Dawn
xxx

[helenlouise]

You belong wherever you want to be. you still have a wealth of advice and experience that is so valuable to share with us all. You really are a mainstay of these boards and I think that staying in touch will help.
Take good care of yourself,
helen

[Juliana]

Hi Dagny,
As I said in my other mail, I will miss you if you stop posting here. I think on this forum we are all united by worries and love and longing and you are no different except that you are more of a fighter than most people i know and have had to go through so much. i have to admit in your place i probably would have falled apart already. so please stay with us. I can imagine it's hard listening to baby stories at the moment so maybe you will feel a tiny bit better when the other forum is also there. As for the amnio, how could you know?! You must not blame yourself! we all take these choices in such a fog of uncertainty no one can know what would have happened and i guess even your consultant cannot be sure it was the amnio that did it...
life can be so hard sometimes, but you will get through this.
i will be thinking about you and sending you my love,
juliana

[Tracey S]

Dagny

I have emailed you so you know my thoughts on it all - it is all rather long I am afraid so that should take up and hour reading just that!!!!!
Still laughing over yesterday's from you - luckily David did not spot it all?!!!
As for you - well I was the same - I posted on the life after for a while as it seemed easier but not quite right - then bits and pieces on here but found it very hard so I took some time out from the boards and returned when I was pg again!
I agree with the others - you fit where you want to be - and you must do what you think best and what you can manage - we will miss you here but realize that you must do what you can and support that!

I have written my thoughts on the amnio in the email so won't repeat them here and bore everyone again but stop giving yourself a hard time.

I found it hard to fill my days at first - hence the dog and then had no spare time!!!
Take care
Love
Tracey
xxx

[Helen Reid]

Dagny

I agree with all the girls be where you want to be and we are always here to listen. We may not all understand what you have been through or going through but i think it is nice to know that you have a shoulder to cry on when ever you need one(if you get my meaning). Writing things down should help as i know it helps me if i feel low. Some people find writing a diary helps.

I hope you feel better alittle every day.
Deciding to start again is hard but only you will know when its right.

Helen

[GB]

Dear Dagny
I can only imagine how hard this all must be for you.
Just know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you and David only the best for the future...with only good things to come your way.
Take care and look after yourself!
Love
Gila
x-x-x

[Traci]

I too cannot imagine what you must be going through , it must be absolutly gutting , I like you posting so keep going girl and if you ever feel like a good old rant you go for it and we will be there for you.


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]

Trace x