Trace x
I let it all out!!!!
I let it all out!!!!
Today I went out for a drink or 2 with my 2 partners of my business and drank quite alot!!!!! anyway I managed to tell them everything about IVF and how I was feeling and that this go will be my last etc etc well i feel so much better as I was trying to be brave and tell them each time that i was handeling it quite well but lately it has been difficult for me and have suffered depression quite allot and right now i need to be given support as being tough all the time wears you down and they were brilliant and said that they thought i was handeling the last 3 years well and didnt want to interfere anyway they are going to support me in every way possible as I have always been there for them. I did feel quite weak but you can always take so much and after when you are feeling weak and you need help you should ask for it . I know they will be there for me as you will be but I feel quite "inadiquate" and right now being this is my last go very frightend, I have always been tough and never let my guard down but today "THERE IT IS " Addmitted "I am very frightend " Never before in the last 4 years have I ever felt like this but hey we all have our weak times , I am one of those people that shy away from councillers because I think I can handel it but perhaps I should take one of them up on their offers, who knows I will feel better in the morning, sorry to ramble . never do it normally!!!!!
Trace x
Trace x
1st cycle own eggs Neg
2nd cycle own eggs Neg
3rd cycle cousins eggs Neg
4th cycle unknown donor eggs Neg
Going to have sisters eggs Feb 06
NEVER GIVE UP!
2nd cycle own eggs Neg
3rd cycle cousins eggs Neg
4th cycle unknown donor eggs Neg
Going to have sisters eggs Feb 06
NEVER GIVE UP!
Trace
Good for you babe. In vino veritas eh?! I imagine it was incredibly theraputic for you and I'm sure you partners feel very VERY happy that you felt comfortable enough to open up to them. Sounds to me like you've had a pretty good councelling session already huh?!
Try not to laod too much pressure on yourself - to SUCH a large extent its completely out of our hands....what will be will be....
Good luck - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for ya!
Cazx
Good for you babe. In vino veritas eh?! I imagine it was incredibly theraputic for you and I'm sure you partners feel very VERY happy that you felt comfortable enough to open up to them. Sounds to me like you've had a pretty good councelling session already huh?!
Try not to laod too much pressure on yourself - to SUCH a large extent its completely out of our hands....what will be will be....
Good luck - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for ya!
Cazx
Traci,
there's nothing weak about needing support from close friends, or admitting to feeling frightened or vulnerable. If anything, you've been and ARE amazingly strong in handling all you've been through.
I think all the feelings that you have are completely normal under what are extremely stressful circumstances, so don't beat yourself up girlie. You only have to read other peoples posts to see that we all go through or have had those same feelings, which is what makes this site so valuable.
Keep your chin up Trace, and I know that everyone on here is just dying to see you post that BFP.
Suzanne.x
there's nothing weak about needing support from close friends, or admitting to feeling frightened or vulnerable. If anything, you've been and ARE amazingly strong in handling all you've been through.
I think all the feelings that you have are completely normal under what are extremely stressful circumstances, so don't beat yourself up girlie. You only have to read other peoples posts to see that we all go through or have had those same feelings, which is what makes this site so valuable.
Keep your chin up Trace, and I know that everyone on here is just dying to see you post that BFP.
Suzanne.x
Go Traci! 12 brandy and cokes eh???? No wonder you let it all out....I'd have been lying on the pub floor, out cold.
It takes a HUGE amount of courage to decide when to draw the line. We've just done it after our last 2 attempts and whilst it hurts, it also has allowed us to plan and talk realistically about our future.
You know that you'll get your BFP, not only do you deserve it like no other, but there are countless women out here wishing you ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
love
Debra.
It takes a HUGE amount of courage to decide when to draw the line. We've just done it after our last 2 attempts and whilst it hurts, it also has allowed us to plan and talk realistically about our future.
You know that you'll get your BFP, not only do you deserve it like no other, but there are countless women out here wishing you ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
love
Debra.
hi traci,
i think its great you've let it out. a lot of women today appear stronger than ever and in a way we probably are; careers, businesses, more independent etc. but truthfully underneath it all everyone at sometime; men and women, are vunerable and need support. this happens to be your time, going through years of ttc is unbelievably hard, unfair and often very lonely.
the feelings of inadequacy you mentioned are debilitating, yet i'm sure many people look enviously at your acheivement with your business, your great character and relationship. keep rambling traci (not that you did) we all need to do it at times.
ok, over the next two weeks NO 12 brandy and cokes but lots of talking please to us friends, friends & collegues. About anything.
phil x
i think its great you've let it out. a lot of women today appear stronger than ever and in a way we probably are; careers, businesses, more independent etc. but truthfully underneath it all everyone at sometime; men and women, are vunerable and need support. this happens to be your time, going through years of ttc is unbelievably hard, unfair and often very lonely.
the feelings of inadequacy you mentioned are debilitating, yet i'm sure many people look enviously at your acheivement with your business, your great character and relationship. keep rambling traci (not that you did) we all need to do it at times.
ok, over the next two weeks NO 12 brandy and cokes but lots of talking please to us friends, friends & collegues. About anything.
phil x
good for you trace, i think there is nothing wrong in opening up, why
should u carry all this torture on your own, and yes it is torture,
i eventually got to the stage where i opened up, i thought let people
try and understand, ( i dont think people totally understand unless they
have been thru it themselves), and i must admit i felt relieved. I worked
for the same place for 19 yrs and was made redundant and on top
of all the treatment, i realy lost my confidence.
We all need support in someway or other, and cannot always be strong,
and when we are down, we just have to remember its only human nature
there is nothing wrong in it.
Now u just take care of yourself, u will have some presious cargo
to look after.
alisonn
should u carry all this torture on your own, and yes it is torture,
i eventually got to the stage where i opened up, i thought let people
try and understand, ( i dont think people totally understand unless they
have been thru it themselves), and i must admit i felt relieved. I worked
for the same place for 19 yrs and was made redundant and on top
of all the treatment, i realy lost my confidence.
We all need support in someway or other, and cannot always be strong,
and when we are down, we just have to remember its only human nature
there is nothing wrong in it.
Now u just take care of yourself, u will have some presious cargo
to look after.
alisonn
Hi Traci
I am so proud of you, well done. I think one major part of coping with IVF is being able to face it head on and talk about it. By opening up to your friends and partners and letting them know that sometimes you feel sad or not coping is a step forward. I expect some of your friends felt a bit like outsiders like mine and didn't know how to help but by them just being there and listening is enough for me.
You, Traci are so strong and are a huge inspiration to so many of us on these boards. You are always so positive and always lighting your special candle for everyone. Your miracle is just hiding round that corner (with mine most probably
) and you deserve so much happiness.
Keep smiling my friend and remember you are a very special lady.
Love and hugs Dagny xkx
PS I am sure my precious baby Katelyn is sprinkling that babydust down on us right now -
I am so proud of you, well done. I think one major part of coping with IVF is being able to face it head on and talk about it. By opening up to your friends and partners and letting them know that sometimes you feel sad or not coping is a step forward. I expect some of your friends felt a bit like outsiders like mine and didn't know how to help but by them just being there and listening is enough for me.
You, Traci are so strong and are a huge inspiration to so many of us on these boards. You are always so positive and always lighting your special candle for everyone. Your miracle is just hiding round that corner (with mine most probably
) and you deserve so much happiness.Keep smiling my friend and remember you are a very special lady.
Love and hugs Dagny xkx
PS I am sure my precious baby Katelyn is sprinkling that babydust down on us right now -
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
Traci
I know how you feel, and sometimes I wish I could run away from this whole thing, I gave up on having a child of my own in 1998 when my previous marriage failed, having had a failed IVF cycle and countless operations and investigations. I bought my own house which I renovated, went to college in the evenings to get a qualification to change my career, and became the typical single girly. I had some great times and enjoyed my job. However then I met my DH and I told him my situation from the beginning, and we agreed to give it a go. Opening up old wounds I had closed a while ago hasnt been easy, I have given up my career, am in the process of selling my house, and am hoping so much that I dont have to face the day again when I finally give up. What I am trying to say is I am too really frightened, but I also know having done it once I can carry on without a child, albeit not so easily this time with a DH who wants it so badly, but there are other things to fill your life with should you decide, and I also felt some relief at not having to endure treatment in that time!
What you are feeling is natural, and good for you for letting it all out. I havent told anyone except my best friend about our treatment, my decision, and wonder if I will get very pissed one day and end up telling everyone including my Mum!!! My ex used to call alcohol 'the truth drug', as only when pissed would I really open up!
You are such a support on this site to everyone, including me, and I mean it I have a big candle for you which I truly hope will give you a much deserved positive result.
Chin up honey, YOU WILL GET PG!!!
Sue xxxxxxxx
I know how you feel, and sometimes I wish I could run away from this whole thing, I gave up on having a child of my own in 1998 when my previous marriage failed, having had a failed IVF cycle and countless operations and investigations. I bought my own house which I renovated, went to college in the evenings to get a qualification to change my career, and became the typical single girly. I had some great times and enjoyed my job. However then I met my DH and I told him my situation from the beginning, and we agreed to give it a go. Opening up old wounds I had closed a while ago hasnt been easy, I have given up my career, am in the process of selling my house, and am hoping so much that I dont have to face the day again when I finally give up. What I am trying to say is I am too really frightened, but I also know having done it once I can carry on without a child, albeit not so easily this time with a DH who wants it so badly, but there are other things to fill your life with should you decide, and I also felt some relief at not having to endure treatment in that time!
What you are feeling is natural, and good for you for letting it all out. I havent told anyone except my best friend about our treatment, my decision, and wonder if I will get very pissed one day and end up telling everyone including my Mum!!! My ex used to call alcohol 'the truth drug', as only when pissed would I really open up!
You are such a support on this site to everyone, including me, and I mean it I have a big candle for you which I truly hope will give you a much deserved positive result.
Chin up honey, YOU WILL GET PG!!!
Sue xxxxxxxx
Hiya Traci
You can only keep things bottled up for so long. I'm sure you must feel so relieved today, getting all those feeling out last night, and it will give you more strength to face this cycle. You'll need that strength when you get your BFP this time, and then have another few agonizing weeks to cope with !! I'm so sorry you feel so down at the moment. Chin up girl - you've been such an inspiration and so positive to everyone on this site, me included although I've only been here a few weeks. You've used all your energy on others, so now think about You for a change.
Thinking of you Traci
Sandra
x
You can only keep things bottled up for so long. I'm sure you must feel so relieved today, getting all those feeling out last night, and it will give you more strength to face this cycle. You'll need that strength when you get your BFP this time, and then have another few agonizing weeks to cope with !! I'm so sorry you feel so down at the moment. Chin up girl - you've been such an inspiration and so positive to everyone on this site, me included although I've only been here a few weeks. You've used all your energy on others, so now think about You for a change.
Thinking of you Traci
Sandra
x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
Hi Traci - as ever, your post really made me laugh! Seriously though, I'm glad that you've felt able to tell the people you work with. Although friends and family know our situation, I managed to go through 4 IVFs without telling any colleagues (it helped that I moved jobs after the first two). I told my boss last summer (thinking about it, that was after a few glasses of vino too...) and haven't regretted that decision for a moment. I think sometimes you need someone to know that you're not being crabby for no reason, if that makes sense.
I'm really hoping that this time is your time. As others have said, you are very much the life and soul of these boards, and offer so much support to others. I really have a feeling its going to be your turn.
Much love
Alison xx
I'm really hoping that this time is your time. As others have said, you are very much the life and soul of these boards, and offer so much support to others. I really have a feeling its going to be your turn.
Much love
Alison xx
Trace
Just popped over here to see how you are and what do I find - a hungover truth addict!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope the effects of the booze have worn off. Don't beat yourself up hun - we all have wobbles and you deserve it - you have done yourself the world of good getting this lot out - I used to store it up and then go for it big style. People often assume we are strong all the time -sometimes even our fellow cyclers or some of them - it does not work that way as we know! I was petrified at times! still am............
Take care hey and loads of love
Tracey
xxx
Just popped over here to see how you are and what do I find - a hungover truth addict!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope the effects of the booze have worn off. Don't beat yourself up hun - we all have wobbles and you deserve it - you have done yourself the world of good getting this lot out - I used to store it up and then go for it big style. People often assume we are strong all the time -sometimes even our fellow cyclers or some of them - it does not work that way as we know! I was petrified at times! still am............
Take care hey and loads of love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!