Wife doesn't want to do second IVF

[John]

Hi All,

My wife and I are 37 yr old. We got married when we were 33 and my wife got pregnant 3 months later. However, it was a tubal pregnancy and because of our incompetant doctor, my wife lost one of her tube. We tried to get pregnant naturally again plus 3 rounds of clomid but no luck. We met with a fertility doctor and he said the ovary on the lost tube side is dominant so the chance of natural pregnancy is very low. Earlier this year, we went through the first round of IVF and failed. I want to try again but my wife was stressed out through the process and doesn't want to try again. I told her that we probably have a 1 or 2 years window and the earlier we try the better the odds. She kept telling me stories of people having children in their 40's. I told her that those cases are the exception and the longer we wait, the harder it gets.

It is expensive as it costs us about $12K for a round but I have saved up enough for two more rounds. I feel that having a child is important for us.

I am really angry about her lack of urgency. I don't know why she is acting like this? Could you ladies who went through IVF and failed please explain to me why?

Many thanks,

[Sunshine1576]

Dear John,
We are glad you found a forum to talk about IVF treatment and certainly many of the ladies here can relate to what your wife is going through. IVF plays a toll on us not only physcially but emotionally too. We invest so much into treatment but are not guaranteed it's going to work and when a doctor screws up alot of time we give up on the clinic. She did loose a tube, and she is like me in experiencing a natural pg that unfortuately led to a miscarriage before all that happened. You have to ask her to get her true feelings, be sensitive to her and understand this does takes time to move forward.

The first time we went through IVF I was devastiated because we thought ONE time would be THE answer but most of the time REs don't warn us that it may take several attempts thus I was not prepared, so along with 12,000 I lost trust in my fertility doctor. We researched and found another clinic that offers IVF Attain Program (70 % Refund if no baby) even though it's 2.5 hour commute but I think the drive is worth it when you find someone who is competent, who gives a couple more possibilities. My doctor tells us we still have time, more then half of his patients are in their early 40's with this treatment. We wish you and your wife much success! Remember talking it over with your wife is key in finding the best solution and MAYBE she would be wiling to meet and have a consultation with a different IVF doctor for a second opinion?

[royalking]

Dear, Children are important and you are saying totally right but at the moment your wife needs you. She is suffering with anxiety. Just be relax and continue to talk about it with her. I am hopeful, very soon she will understand this.

[j121walker]

I was also on the same boat in 2013, because my wife is also refuse for the 2nd IVF. John, your story is very sad. But you need to support your wife and just take some time and then both will decide. In my case i just spend a quality time with her and told her what ever is your decision, i am with you. Women feel depression and never want to discuss on the signs and
symptoms of female infertility like men.

[lockie]

I think she needs more time, your support and understanding. ivf/infertility treatment is not easy journey. Good luck

[ryansteven]

Hi john, I can understand your saturation. I was also experienced same condition when my wife rejected to do 2nd IVF. It takes almost 25 years and now I am happy that we have a child. It is natural to feel fear when you have no option. But all credit goes to the advanced medical treatment. You need to talk with her politely and convince her for that. Just approach a professional for that, surely you will get positive results, which can leads to infertility. We are always blame women for the infertility, but it may also linked with men.

[MariaHernandez]

12K for a round? this sound a lot for me! I know places where you can do it for 4k and there unlimited packages for IVF with guarantee of success! believe me, i have investigated this issue all over the world in all clinics, don't stay just in your country, it is not all the world and the world is big! I am from Spain, i tried USA and spanish clinics for donation (my reserve is low, so need donation only), but mo luck for me, just for one country, but...
if you need some help, mail me or give my mail to your wife, I will recommend some interesting places for IVF abroad with more affordable costs mariahernandezamelia@gmail.com

[AmandaRemo]

I also not agree to go for further. I am 33 years old. I have an infection in Fallopian tubes. I already have failed IVF cycles. This is very difficult to cope with the pain of IVF. I am in it and I can understand. My husband is now forcing me for surrogacy. He knows a clinic in Ukraine which is best. I do not know what to do now. Please help me if you can. I am a bit nervous about it. My in-laws are also forcing me. What should I do?

[Ressia]

Hello, dear! I think you need to talk with your wife in a candlelit dinner. Explain your thoughts to her lovingly. Yes, I do agree with you that is really important to have a child to make a family. But I think, you need to hear your wife's thought too. But as for me, whether then or now, IVF is safe and good.

[Ressia]

Bring your wife to a specialist, so that, she will be informed about the pros and cons of having it late. I think that would be better. That is another way of convincing her scientifically.

[Sindy-March]

Partially, I understand your wife. It is very hard to hear negative result every time. She is depressed and she doesn't want to feel this pain again and again. You should be more patient to her. I see that you really want to be a father. I'm sure your wife also wants to have kids. Try to talk to her but be kind. Don't stress her out. Believe me, it won't help. She can become even more nervous. Try to explain her that you want to have kids with her and you love her very much. Be kind and sensitive. We love when men are saying something special to us. Take care of her as much as possible. She will understand that you will be a great father and I'm sure she will give up. Good luck!

[Roksolana]

I also not agree to go for further. I am 33 years old. I have an infection in Fallopian tubes. I already have failed IVF cycles. This is very difficult to cope with the pain of IVF. I am in it and I can understand. My husband is now forcing me for surrogacy. He knows a clinic in Ukraine which is best. I do not know what to do now. Please help me if you can. I am a bit nervous about it. My in-laws are also forcing me. What should I do?

Amanda, the thing is that I live in Ukraine and try to find some good clinic in my country to do IVF. I'm really afraid to choose some wrong clinic, coz. despite the fact that there are plenty brilliant doctors in Ukraine, some clinics propose very bad service. I'd be really grateful if you could recommend me this ukranian clinic, that you mentioned. Thank you and wish you well.