I'm in the middle of my 2ww and feeling utterly depressed. I feel so guilty but I'm so down I don't even want to be pregnant - how awful does that seem? The clinic have left me feeling like I was attacked and abandoned. I only went for the transfer because of my husband.
There has to be a better way for a clinic to treat me.
Cj
2ww - very depressed
Oh Cj, you poor thing. The 2ww does do funny things to you... the last time I was on it, I felt quite excited/positive for the first few days (although I was worrying about every twinge at the same time), but at the start of the second week I became so very tearful ... in fact, I cried every day of that second week.... so Cj, you're not alone...
I don't know if it's all the meds that are in our bodies by that stage, or the fact that we've been dashing up and down motorways to hospitals for what seems forever and really are exhausted ... I reckon that you don't even notice when it's all going on - you just get on with it and don't notice how tired you are etc ... but then when the 2ww begins, and you actually sit down and think about it, it kicks in.
It sounds like you had a bad experience at the clinic .., but not sure why .. what happened ..?
You've come to the right place for support. Everyone on here can relate to what you're going through Cj.
Look after yourself for the next few days. When's your test date ?
Sandra x
I don't know if it's all the meds that are in our bodies by that stage, or the fact that we've been dashing up and down motorways to hospitals for what seems forever and really are exhausted ... I reckon that you don't even notice when it's all going on - you just get on with it and don't notice how tired you are etc ... but then when the 2ww begins, and you actually sit down and think about it, it kicks in.
It sounds like you had a bad experience at the clinic .., but not sure why .. what happened ..?
You've come to the right place for support. Everyone on here can relate to what you're going through Cj.
Look after yourself for the next few days. When's your test date ?
Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
-
sophiejane
- Regular
- Posts: 331
- Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2004 1:03 pm
- Location: Ringwood, Hants
gosh CJ, it sounds like you're having a terrible time. The 2ww is absolutely herrendous, and our emotions do get the better of us. I was ready to pack it all in on my last 2ww, hated dp with a passion. It was however just the drugs and we did come out of it stronger. I'm back on the 2ww myself and again arguing daily with dp. But I know its the ivf and not us and that it will get better again.
Have you been for counselling ... its a recognised need for people going through fertility treatment.
It seems that you received little support from the clinic. Clinics vary and I have found that I have been lbeen kinda left by both clinics I have been too ... it seems like its up to the individual to keep up contact and start all communications off, and when you are feeling depressed/angry/sad the last thing you want to do is leave a message on the clinics answerphone or speak to a nurse that says she is so busy etc etc.
I really do hope that things are better for you tomorrow. Keep on posting, have a rant and a rave all you like.
From Soph-Jane
Have you been for counselling ... its a recognised need for people going through fertility treatment.
It seems that you received little support from the clinic. Clinics vary and I have found that I have been lbeen kinda left by both clinics I have been too ... it seems like its up to the individual to keep up contact and start all communications off, and when you are feeling depressed/angry/sad the last thing you want to do is leave a message on the clinics answerphone or speak to a nurse that says she is so busy etc etc.
I really do hope that things are better for you tomorrow. Keep on posting, have a rant and a rave all you like.
From Soph-Jane
Bad experience at clinic
Thanks for the message. I keep feeling so guilty and I know whilst my husband is being very supportive that he doesn't know what to do!
I kept turning up at the clinic to find there was something else in addition to what I was expecting to happen (first attempt so no prior knowledge) so felt constantly on edge when turning up. Not having a clear idea about what medication I was expecting to take from one appointment to next.
Asked for an alternative to rectal progesterone as I hated idea and was told in no uncertain terms to take it rectally. End up telling my husband he can get them agree to alternative or I will bin the lot after 1 week. Nurse doesn't even blink at first question and says it would not be an issue to use them vaginally at all.
No contact constant at the clinic. In fact I have only ever seen one person twice throughout treatment.
Kept being asked to strip before people came to talk to me (at the collection had to be VERY firm 3 times including point blank refusal before I got to talk to anaesthetist fully clothed).
Very Very phobic about egg collection under sedation but got told it was how it was done. Now I find other places offer it under a general. Ended up feeling like I had been date-rape drug attacked and very depressed since. I only went for the transfer because of my husband and I burst into tears afterwards.
And now? Wanted to talk to their consellor as I have felt unbelievably depressed since collection only to be told I can't see them for 3 weeks. Luckily I was able to talk to a counsellor over the telephone via a work service or I think I would be close to suicidal.
Trying to cope, but I can think of nothing but relief from a negative pregnancy result so it can STOP.
Cj
I kept turning up at the clinic to find there was something else in addition to what I was expecting to happen (first attempt so no prior knowledge) so felt constantly on edge when turning up. Not having a clear idea about what medication I was expecting to take from one appointment to next.
Asked for an alternative to rectal progesterone as I hated idea and was told in no uncertain terms to take it rectally. End up telling my husband he can get them agree to alternative or I will bin the lot after 1 week. Nurse doesn't even blink at first question and says it would not be an issue to use them vaginally at all.
No contact constant at the clinic. In fact I have only ever seen one person twice throughout treatment.
Kept being asked to strip before people came to talk to me (at the collection had to be VERY firm 3 times including point blank refusal before I got to talk to anaesthetist fully clothed).
Very Very phobic about egg collection under sedation but got told it was how it was done. Now I find other places offer it under a general. Ended up feeling like I had been date-rape drug attacked and very depressed since. I only went for the transfer because of my husband and I burst into tears afterwards.
And now? Wanted to talk to their consellor as I have felt unbelievably depressed since collection only to be told I can't see them for 3 weeks. Luckily I was able to talk to a counsellor over the telephone via a work service or I think I would be close to suicidal.
Trying to cope, but I can think of nothing but relief from a negative pregnancy result so it can STOP.
Cj
oh cj
hunny it sounds like you have had a very rough time that is no way for a clinic to treat you at all have you thought about putting in a complaint may make you feel a bit better if you told them exactly how you felt about there way of doing things you could write it all down and really go for it even if you dont actually post it what clinic was it by the way hun.
and i think you definitly need to speak to a councellor
but anytime you need to rant the girls on here are brill
we will always listen hun,
i hope you feel a little better soon i shall be thinking of you
love Ang xxxx
hunny it sounds like you have had a very rough time that is no way for a clinic to treat you at all have you thought about putting in a complaint may make you feel a bit better if you told them exactly how you felt about there way of doing things you could write it all down and really go for it even if you dont actually post it what clinic was it by the way hun.
and i think you definitly need to speak to a councellor
but anytime you need to rant the girls on here are brill
we will always listen hun,
i hope you feel a little better soon i shall be thinking of you
love Ang xxxx
Our dream came true after 5 yrs ttc we know have 8month old twin boys Adam and Kieran and our gorgeous 9 yr old daughter.
Hang in there miracles really do happen
Hang in there miracles really do happen
CJ
I have read this thread a couple of times and deliberately not replied as I have mixed feelings on it to be honest...........
I feel very sorry for you as I would anyone who sounds so very desperate - I really feel you need to talk to a councillor or someone who can help you work through these deep rooted feelings. Also if you do get a positive result it really is not the best mental start for you. Have you told your DH.
The other reason for my mixed feelings and maybe why there are not too many responses to your thread are that the majority of women on here are desperate to have a baby and it is hard to get one's head around someone who feels they have been date raped. Also with some dear friends who have had negatives the last couple of days it is hard for me to listen to someone wishing to get a negative. I don't mean to offend but as most people who know me on here would say I do speak my mind.
Please do try and get some professional help and if you need any guidance on procedures etc for IVF then shout - it seems to me for whatever reason you have not been told what to expect and this has made things worse for you.
Tracey
I have read this thread a couple of times and deliberately not replied as I have mixed feelings on it to be honest...........
I feel very sorry for you as I would anyone who sounds so very desperate - I really feel you need to talk to a councillor or someone who can help you work through these deep rooted feelings. Also if you do get a positive result it really is not the best mental start for you. Have you told your DH.
The other reason for my mixed feelings and maybe why there are not too many responses to your thread are that the majority of women on here are desperate to have a baby and it is hard to get one's head around someone who feels they have been date raped. Also with some dear friends who have had negatives the last couple of days it is hard for me to listen to someone wishing to get a negative. I don't mean to offend but as most people who know me on here would say I do speak my mind.
Please do try and get some professional help and if you need any guidance on procedures etc for IVF then shout - it seems to me for whatever reason you have not been told what to expect and this has made things worse for you.
Tracey
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!