Gila's news....

GB · Post by GB » Wed Jun 25, 2003 11:38 am

Dear All Hi! Hope you are feeling well and strong. Just wanted to say hi and share my woes with you all.... as unfortunately it wasn't 3rd time lucky for our 3rd attempt at IVF. I found out yesterday and have been pretty much down since... just sad and quite weepy and tearful. DH has been supportive, although just stresses to be strong and go on...... not realising how damn hard it is... he's also had a lot of stress on lately with his Dad in hospital for major surgery...so just major stress all round!!! We've been sleeping at my mom-in-law to keep her company, which has been ok, but hasn't given me the needed space to deal with it. I have to put on a brave face all the time. I know and rationalize that it's not meant to be now..and will G-D willing happen at the right time but it's just hard to go through at the time. What either adds salt to the wound or gives comfort is that yesterday one of my colleauges at work's wife had triplets yesterday...after also a long road of IVF. It's salt to the wound as everybody is going around at work talking about it and thrilled for them....(and I'm also really thrilled for them, don't get me wrong!) .....while simultaneously I have to be happy for them and deal with my own troubles, failures and woes. It's also I comfort as I said as I know that this couple also went through a lot of trouble and took a long time to finally conceive...and finally have 3 beautiful results!!! Likewise, hopefully, one day in the not to distant future our time will,G-D willing come. Sorry to trouble you with my woes, but just wanted to fill you in and let steam off to someone. Wishing best of luck to all those who are testing soon...hope that there only +'s and no -'s!! For those of you who have also recently received bad news...Just know that I'm thinking of you and totally empathizing with you. May we all just find the strength to plodd on and carry on with the next cycle! Wishing you all luck! Pamper yourself with something nice as a treat! Or better yet, let the DH do it for you! To those who have had postive results ....wishing you all well and am so pleased for you all. Take care of yourselves and let your DH pamper you! May it continue to go smoothely for you all. Take care. All my love Gila

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 12:42 pm

Dear Gila, I am so very sorry to hear your bad news, you sound so heart broken, and while DH is absolutely right to stress the positive sometimes all you want to do is cry and cry. But it sounds like you don't even have the space to do that at the moment - there is just so much happening all at once. You need to find the time from somewhere, sit down and just pour some of your feelings out(right here is as good a place as any!). I know once when I was feeling very low after our 2nd IVF failed - I explained to my DH that whilst I am truly grateful for his beautiful, genuinely positive upbeat nature - I actually didn't want that right now - I just wanted to cry and feel sad - that I wanted to hear again just how very sad he felt too - and that it was ok to tell me rather than hide that from me and "do the supportive bit". I think he was worried that his feelings would add to the burden and if he let me "unravel" I would never stop!!! But that's just not the case! As you said - on one level you can rationalise that it was just not meant to be THIS time and that the next time may well be THE time - but emotionally it just all becomes overwhelming. Some of what you feel will of course be the drug and hormone effects and as they wear off you will regain some inner calm and clarity, but mostly you just need to give yourself the time, space and permission to "let go" and cry. While on most days we can swallow any negative thoughts about other peoples pregnancies/babies (after all it's not theirs that we want!) it is sooooooo much more difficult on the days when you feel swamped with sadness. I wish you all the very best - now and in the future Lorraine xx

GB · Post by GB » Wed Jun 25, 2003 1:03 pm

Thanks so much Lorreine!! I really appreciated your kind words. I am thankfully feeling brighter and stronger..but still very sad and raw inside. Hopefully, I'll be myself again sooon...I'm going home now to be on my own and rest up a bit...before we have to go back to my inlaws again. Take care and thanks a lot! Good luck with all. Love Gila x-x-x

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 1:22 pm

You see Gila sometimes we just need to take some kind of affiramtive action to feel that bit better - writing down how you felt and orgainising that much needed space is just want you needed. It is a hideous cliche but you just need time. You know although I remember I felt terrible after IVF 1&2 failed - I cannot ACTUALLY recall the intensity of those feelings - It is sometime even difficult to recall events around that time clearly - but I am sure it's our bodies way of coping and enables us to move on. How else do end up taking on yet another cycle of this madness!!! But right now you just need time to recover and heal - emotionally and physically. With very best wishes to you and you family. With love from Lorraine. xxx

Grace · Post by **Grace** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 3:01 pm

Hello Gila Just wanted to say I am sorry it did n't work out for you this time. As you know it is always horrible when treatmeant fails and you will no doubt feel numb and empty for a few days. I do n't think there is anything I can say that will make you feel better but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and empathise entirely. Hope to hear from you again soon. Love Gracex

Traci · Post by **Traci** » Wed Jun 25, 2003 6:04 pm

Im so sorry it wasnt to be this time and hope that you get time for you whilst everything else is happening around you , you are a great person and have touched me with your kind words . perhaps we will be buddies on the next go, THINKING OF YOU. {{{{{{{{{{{{{GROUP HUG }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Trace x

GB · Post by GB » Thu Jun 26, 2003 7:38 am

Dear Lorraine, Grace and Trace Thanks so much for your kind words... They meant so much to me. Thankfully I'm doing much better today. My father-in-law is also thankfully coming out of hospital today which is good news for everyone....and we'll also be able to return home and get back to normal routine. Funny how other things always crop up at the same time...the last time I got a negative my Uncle had just passed away the day before...so I also had to be strong for everyone else and just get over it all. Can you please remind me where you guys are up to in terms of your treatments, cycles etc.... I really have been out of this board for a while and am unfortunately not updated. I apologise for not remembering your individual stories....but am with you in heart and soul and only hoping for positive results for all! Take care and lots of love! Thanks again for all your support,love and care.. Love Gila x-x-x

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Thu Jun 26, 2003 3:52 pm

Just popped in from work - I use that word in the loosest possible meaning to say well done all of you - with attitudes like yours and pulling together like this I expect to see you all over on the pg side with me. Love and luck Tracey xxxxxxx

GB · Post by GB » Sun Jun 29, 2003 9:19 am

Thanks Trace Take good care of yourself.. Getting there slowly, but I hope that you don't mind me admitting that it's getting harder each time to pull myself together... I know that we'll get there in the end...it's just that we have to take the rocky route instead of the straight and direct route!! Take care and thanks again! Love Gila x-x-x

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