What to say !!

TJ · Post by TJ » Sun Jun 29, 2003 6:18 pm

Hi Has anyone got any advice on their own experiences what you say to people, who dont know you are going through IVF, when they ask "do you want kids", any kids on the way", so when do you want kids"... you know all those sort of questions. When I get asked this, I do wonder if my face shows "horror"/"upset".... dont ask me again look. Thanks TJ x

Dawn Blake · Post by **Dawn Blake** » Sun Jun 29, 2003 6:28 pm

Me again! When people ask that question, I now answer with the truth, and it is amazing the amount of people that are in or know people in the same boat, and also it is nothing to be ashamed of! Going back to your other thread, we have been going through the whole IVF thing for 3 years now, and the longest break we have had is a year - since the last one failed, before that I was like you and wanted to get straight back to it, it all depends how you are feeling in yourselves. I am still relatively young, 30, but it is a killer when EVERYONE around you is dropping babies like there's no tomorrow! It does, I am ashamed to say, make me bitter and twisted when you read about the stereotypical 15 year old who falls pregnant with twins the first time she sleeps with someone, or druggies injecting themselves when they are pregnant, we have so ready for children and have so much love to give it does tear me apart inside - and I did get so down last time we failed, purely because I was convinced it was my turn and it would be a +! So let people know if they ask, quite often they have some useful advice to give, or they can be there for you when you aren't at your best. Hope that helps, and hope you are feeling a little better today. Love D x

TJ · Post by TJ » Sun Jun 29, 2003 7:12 pm

Hello Dawn, Ive become addicted to this site, I wish I had found this earlier, although as I said to my husband I am finding it a bit easier to talk about it now, whereas on my 1st attempt I kept it to myself. I've been reading over the other postings and their are so many people in the same/similar situations with so many kind words, sharing their own feelings which are so like your own. Its been great, it has really helped me. I wish to thank everyone !! We have been trying for a baby for 3 years now, it's been a slow process, operations, tests, different drugs etc and now IVF, we started earlier this year. Im not sure what is the best time to start, I want to start straight away, (2months time) but I dont know if its better to leave it for a while for the body to get back to normal! does this matter? Although for the past week i have been really emotional, tearful, scared, unsure of what to do next, all horrible feelings, and my head has just been spinning, I now feel confident to carry on again, its weird how all those feelings just seem to be pushed aside and you want to carry on again. Its hard to explain... I think you are right about telling them the truth, I feel I can only do this when I am strong enough to, without tears, but somethimes listening to myself makes me feel sad and sorry for myself. Some days are good and some days bad, I hope they catch me on a good day when they ask me that question again !! Thanks for replying Dawn, I really do appreciate it... Ive just read over your forum again to familarise myself and you have certainly been through it, good luck to you Dawn, and keep in touch love TJ [Edited by TJ on 29-Jun-03 20:25]

caz · Post by **caz** » Sun Jun 29, 2003 7:40 pm

Hi there I have generally taken the " we're still thinking about it!" (with a really fake grin on my gob) approach. Altho as I get more and more involved - maybe I 'm just getting too sensitive - but I kind of get slightly offended by the question. People are SO insensitive - I mean is our private lives actually any of their business??!! The one thing I have learnt from this process- whatever the outcome - is NEVER to pry into or to Judge people's circumstances. Phew ! Sorry about that rant but I totally sympathise. My older sister has a 5 year old and has never conceived a 2nd and people are ALWAYS saying to her " O you really ought to have another". GOD that makes me cross!! She actually tried ICSI and it failed - so shes pretty raw about it anyway. I agree EVERYONE does seem to be having babies around me and some more "sensitively" than others. My sister in law whose just had her first said to me when I went to see him in hospital " Doesnt it make you broody?!" . I guess she doesnt know we are trying so its probably not her fault, but ahhhh!! There told you I was a bit sensitive!! Take care! Cazx

TJ · Post by TJ » Sun Jun 29, 2003 8:08 pm

Caz, I know exactly what you are saying, why dont they mind their own bloody business, I dont ask them, I wont, because I know only too better then to be that insensitive. My friend (was a good friend once) who is 6 months gone, keeps sending me her scan pictures by e-mail at work, that really pees me off. Take care TJx ps. I've been reading some of the forum's on July Cycle Buddies, you are seem to go to the Lister, but theirs talk of reflexolgy, chinese tea, & acupuncture, is this all recommended by the Lister... do these all help, if so, I will start trying them.... should they be done before or during cycles??

Dawn Blake · Post by **Dawn Blake** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 8:55 am

I know what you mean Caz, it is such a personal question to ask someone, but I feel answering them with the truth gets them back so much more! Bit evil of me, but serves them right, the nosey prying onces are generally lost for words, which is quite entertaining for me, I must admit! With regards to the Acupuncture, I read it in a magazine, and the reflexology my Mum (being a reflexologist)suggested, the tea etc, is all cleansing and energising etc, so what the hell, give it all a go! Sam at the Lister didn't suggest any of it to me, he is really of the opinion that it happens when it happens, you can't do any more or less to change it! Saying that, I still rest for the first 3-4 days after et, just to make sure they stay put etc, and I usually take the 2ww off, so I can relax and just chill out, rather than commuting into London on a packed train day in day out - it makes me feel better anyway! D x

caz · Post by **caz** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 9:56 am

HI there Am at the London fertility centre. They didnt recommend reflex/ acu or teas - they are pretty "western"!! But i figure at least I feel like I have given it my all if I try those things too. Also am basically completely obsessive so tend to go slightly overboard with these things!! I dont think it really matters when you strat - because I think its mainly just about making yourself feel better - so I'd start if and when you want to. I REALLY recommend reflexology - LOVELY!! See ya cazx

TJ · Post by TJ » Mon Jun 30, 2003 7:45 pm

Thanks Girls, I think I'll give the tea a miss, dont think I could stomach that, but I will certainly try the reflex & acupuncture. Ive just come back from dinner with a good friend who has just told me she has come off the pill to start trying for a baby, its taken her weeks to tell me, but I felt confident in speaking to her tonight after reading all these forums, they really have helped me, so it also made her feel a lot better about the situation too. Thanks Girls... Love TJ x

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