Winter Cycle Friends 2009/2010 - Everyone Welcome!

[katie99]

This will have to be short because I'm so tired that I'm about to fall on my face. My head, nose & sinuses have been clogged for days so of course right when I went to bed last night they decided to drain - all night long -ugh I was up at 1, 3, and at 5am I just gave up trying to sleep. Boy do i miss coffee today!
I had to run errands this morning before my OB appt, then couldnt find parking at all. I had to circle the parking lot til luckily someone pulled out, fun yes?
But on a high note - I love this OB and its a woman - bonus! She didnt have me teach IVF 101 thankfully and for the first time so far - no one asked me my LMP
So points for that too! Everything is fine, my BP was 130/82 and I was really surprised to see that I'd only gained 2lbs since last month - especially since it seems like I want to eat all the time. She also did b/w for an AFP? which tests for spina bifida, which I'm sure will be fine and this time the nurse got her blood raw on the first try! Whoo Hoo since that never happens with me. The only thing was I meant to ask when I'll get the next u/s but I forgot - grrr
So it was a good appt - but omg am I ready for a nap, like right now!

Malya - oh, honey that is scary. I do hope that you got to have an u/s today and that it was just a fluke occurance. I'm with everyone else, water, water, water and bed reat for now. please let us know what your OB says. Prayers for you & baby

Angela - I've been thinking about picking up that body pillow also, do you find it really comfortable? UGH I'm sorry that your m/s felt the need to make an additional appearance - hope that was the last time!

Steph - I've got my fingers crossed for your appt tomorrow! I hope that your Andrew gets his wish of boys! At least 1 but hopefully 2. I cant wait to hear
what you've got in there also. OK just 1 more day, you can make it til tomorrow. funny that you mentioned my bad habit of getting up too fast and then getting those pains that follow - you would think that I'd stopped doing that by now, wouldnt you? but you'd be wrong, i managed to do it again this morning - ugh

Babyluv - Ummm yeah... about the heat, I didnt like it before I was pg so I'm a sure that I will be one grumpy female every day over 80 degrees, gee thats pretty much the WHOLE summer to look forward to -ugh. I loved the story about your DD listening to her HB and the babies! She sounds so sweet
And Evan & Juliet? love them both - sounds like you're all set now!

Hazel - Yes I feel the same way, ialways envied the other kids who had siblings and always had company and someone to play with. I know its super early to be thinking of, but with age creeping up on me I feel like I just dont have the luxury of waiting too long. And oh boy, do I agree that going through the treatments get stressful to even think of, but you are right, about fertility getting a bump after pregnancy - how wonfderful would it be if it happened naturally for you two. As for me, I had to have both tubes removed before starting IVF so thats just not gonna happen for me. Any news on your Dad getting that biopsy scheduled yet? Enjoy your maternity shopping, I havent bought any mat tops either yet but I can say that the mat jeans, yoga capris and pj capris are the most comfy things ever!

Helene - Hooray for finally having a family that you really like - and double hooray for having no more debt!

Ok my eyes are now tearing because I'm so tired - and its not even 4 pm yet! - xoxoxo

[Stephanieford78]

Katie - You poor thing. My nose has been stuffy since almost the beginning. It's worse at night, you know how you lay to one side and that side gets stuffed so you switch sides and it drains just enough so you can breathe, just to wake you up stuffed on the other side! This is my night every night! No relief in sight, I just have to keep rolling over. I keep tissues next to my bed now incase I need them. I just read today that headaches in pregnancy could be due to lack of sleep so I wonder if that is my problem? I am excited about tomorrow! Funny enough the reason I am so set on wanting two boys is because of a dream I had before I was even pregnant, about a year before IVF even. I had what they call a lucid dream. I had twins maybe a year old, both looked similar with white blonde hair like their daddy had when he was little. Andrew and I were leaving and carrying the kids out when the lucid part of the dream began. I realized while dreaming that these were my twins but couldn't tell if they were boys or girls so I quickly changed a diaper to find out. Sure enough, boys. LOL I know it sounds silly, but that dream has stuck with me ever since and now that I am actually preggers with twins, I wonder if it was one of 'those' dreams. I will soon find out tomorrow. YAY for liking your OB. Glad you didn't have to teach her anything. I didn't have to explain too much to my OB, just explain a few things. I found myself more teaching the nurses and my previous Army doc. My OB now is high risk and pretty experienced so I likie.

Hazel - I hope things will be fine for your dad. I know how hard it is to even think about the bad. I am glad that everyone is being as normal as possible. This will help him as well as yourselves until you know more. I really do hope babies will be cooperative. I won't be leaving until he gets a good look. lol I will be taking a DVD to record it too so that will be fun. I can bring it home and make copies and even show DD since she won't be able to be there.

Malya - I hope everything is ok. If it was your water I would assume they would put you on stict bed rest if not hospitalize you so to try and get you as far along as possible and yes... lots of fluids!! I hope to hear an update soon. I am on pins and needles hoping for good or at least hopeful news!

Helene - YAY for getting your money! I am sure that is going to good use. We tried to get a loan to help buy baby stuff since we have nothing. We can't get anymore loans though, but we were able to extend one. That's how we bought the one crib. lol I caculated it earlier, we need 3,000 to cover everything else we need. I am crossing my fingers that my dad's wife was sincere and really will help us out. I am trying to convince Andrew to sell his truck so we can get rid of his truck payment. lol We had the money for all the baby stuff but chose to use the money to get DD adopted. I think it was a good choice. We should be getting a court date any day now to finalize it. I can't wait! Her birthday is next Thursday and she really wanted it done by then.

[rayofsunshine]

Hello ladies!! It has been way too long

Katie-A girl! Yeah Have you already been shopping for the fun, girlie clothes and "accessories"? Enjoy it-she'll definitely be your beautiful princess!

Steph-Is it tomorrow that you get an u/s and gender check? Can't wait to hear the news! I haven't been sleeping because of bad headaches-could be from sinus or no sleep like you were saying. Ah, the joys of pregnancy (I'm too scared to take any drugs to help too)

Angela-How are you doing? m/s can really make life rough-everyone tried to be helpful and remind me that it is the hormones, doing the job of making the baby, that is making me sick so it's a good thing (yes, but hard to deal with!)

gi-I LOVE that J is so involved and excited Must be my pregnancy hormones, I actually teared up when I read your post where he asks to you wear tighter shirts to reveal your bump and that he's so excited to be a dad. How sweet!

Hazel-I am praying for you and your family and for the best news for your dad.

Helene-I really loved your family picture!

babyluv-I'm glad the spotting is letting up a bit. Every once and a while I still have some very light spotting but it does get better. Evan and Juliet are just adorable names. I am so stuck-I need until November to negotiate names with DH and DD (maybe Bert and Ernie, Ebony and Ivory, Salt and Peppa?? hehehe)

Malya-How are you doing? Have you found out anymore on the pink fluid? How scary-I am thinking of you!

Karen-It's so nice to be on here and compare notes-I'm interested to see what my OB measures/checks since I've only had two quick appts. and no real measurements yet.

Claudia-How that cute baby bump? I bet it felt wonderful to share your news with everyone-makes it very real

AFM-I've had a crazy two weeks and I've been a complete mess Here come all my "confessions" School ended last Friday and I moved classrooms this week. On Monday I went in to pack my old room and move it over. At least 100 times that day coworkers said, "How's it going? About done?" and "You know you aren't suppose to be lifting. I hope you're not lifting. You better not be lifting." Very thoughtful and true BUT no one came down to help me and by 2:00 pm I was so frustrated that I couldn't really do anything and I was angry that no one came down to help me. Two teachers on my team actually finished early and left without offering help. Everyone was so busy with their own stuff I didn't want to beg for help-I hate depending on others. I had a major bawling episode where I told my principal how frustrated and overwhelmed I was with this move and she replied, "Well, what are you going to do when you have twins, your teaching/working, and are trying to keep up with your house?" Yeah, that was helpful At least then I can physically do more. I did finish my room so that drama is over. My other confession I'll just blame "pregnancy brain"....I THOUGHT I paid the water bill last month, didn't get the late bill or notice to terminate service because they were addressed to DH and he never opened them. Anyway, today at 3:00 they shut off my water. I called all day after paying my bill and didn't get water until right now (10:00). Gotta love it I'm never late with bills-so I cried for about 1 hour over my stupidity!!

Enough of that! I'm on summer vacation, loving my time with DD and have time to properly check in on all of you Hope everyone is well! Take care

Sara

[rayofsunshine]

No more typing at night! Sorry for all the typos Seriously-YIKES!
Sara

[lycase]

katie - your dh is so cute... how amazing... well if I try the anatomy scan for 18 weeks it only means 4 weeks wait now... I can stand that So you had a nice OB apt good for you for great results... super happy for you girl! Poor you I am so sorry you feel so down in the weather!!

gi - you can spoil your baby it's ok you know until they grow up... you guys are going to be great parents

steph - I see you will be enjoying your pg shopping good for you Good luck with your scan can't wait to see if you get your 2 boys also Talk to them so they will show their little parts

Sorry you don't have anymore money for your cute baby stuff but you know you will get so much you will see how little you will need after you are done with showers and everything...

Mayla - and don't forget baby also will replanish his own amniotic fluid too just try to stay down

hjw - so glad you are shopping and enjoying your pg... way to go girl.

raysofsunshine - thanks for the photo comment. I can't believe how rude your boss was and how selfish your co-worker were... my God how sad to see that when you are pg with twins... who really cares these days hey!! They cut your water my oh my can they really do that? That is silly how much does the city pays for water "NOTHING!!!"... boy oh boy people these days!!! So sorry everyone is so mean with you girl... sue everybody And don't worry about crying I do that all the time for like nothing it's the hormones I am sure !! Well I would not notice the typos due to my French so don't you worry!! and try to relax now!!!

AFM - I am signing the family up for Sign Language Classes starting at the end of June. So we can communicate with baby It's should be fun and a good family activity too... I love to learn new stuff and so will the kids.

Have a good day everyone. And hang in there Mayla!!!

Helene

[gi]

Hi girls,

Sara jason must have pregnancy brain too he was convinced he paid the last electricity bill but we got notice he didnt he was so convinced he did but quickly shut up when he found the unopened bill i forgive him it was around the time we got the positive test anyway! I cant believe your co-workers never offered to help how rude!! I also forgot to mention i bought jason a present the other day it was a babygro with " i love my daddy" on it, he burst out crying when he saw it, i just stood there shocked, it was so sweet he rarely ever cries!

Steph cant wait to hear what you are having!!!!!

Mayla i am so sorry you had a nasty scare i really hope everything is ok xxx

Helene my you never stop going do you?? Its great you are doing sign language classes where in the name do you find the energy to do everthing??? Have you finished unpacking yet??

Katie oh sinus probs are awful arent they!!! Have you felt any flutters yet??

gi xxx

[lycase]

totally cool about the present how wonderful and can't believe dh cried good for you

Goodness no my unpacking is not finished. I can only work on it on the weekends cause during the week I got to bed at 8 and wake up at 5am or before so no time

I think the sign language will be a fun activity... I get bored easily yes always on the go... but this is major important for baby... so got to do it... lets hope dh comes too

Helene

[angelaezra]

Ronda – I hope you are doing well!

Hazel – I am with you regarding the maternity clothes. I am only 10 weeks but I am definitely showing and already wearing my maternity clothes and some of my normal clothes. I think I am right on the edge where some of my regular clothes still fit and others do not. This happened w/ my last pregnancy also but the 2 prior I didn’t make it far enough to show.

Helene – I am glad you got your money and your final photo shoot will be this weekend … so that means after that you can relax for awhile.

I think the sign language is a good idea but I do have a question for you. Are you going to have some sort of tutoring for Jamie once he is able to understand, so he will know what the sign language means? I only ask because I remember when I was a little girl, about 7 years old, and my grandmother was completely deaf from an illness. So my sister and I decided we would learn sign language over the summer so when we went to Texas to visit her we could communicate with her. But, can you see the problem already … she didn’t know sign language, so she had no clue what we were saying to her! I guess as little kids we didn’t think that one out too well … lol. But, she definitely appreciated the effort and thought we were just so cute!

Malya – I am worried about you. Please let us know how you are doing?

Claudia – I hope you are doing well.

Stephanie – Please don’t leave us in suspense. What are you having? I surely hope your doc was able to see the sexes today!

Karen – I hope you are doing well, also.

Katie – I am glad you like your OB. So far our experience w/ my high risk hasn’t been outstanding because the NP and my RE disagree regarding the Xanax but I am listening to who has the idea to prevent me from spotting and cramping, which is my RE. I am sure once I am solely under my HR OB’s care, everything will be fine. He is highly recommended by several of my personal friends who are physicians.

I hope you finally were able to get some sleep!

Gi – I hope all is well with you … according to your ticker, you are 15 weeks. That is so exciting … we are all just moving along but not fast enough … lol!

I think it is so touching about your DH and the shirt! He is going to be such a proud daddy!

Natakia – I am starting to worry about you. We haven’t heard from you all week. I hope the spotting slowed down or completely stopped by now. I hope all is well and you are just really busy!

Babyluv – Wow, it sounds like you have had an eventful week with all of the birthdays. I think your DD sounds absolutely adorable … she sounds like she is so very excited!

Sara – I was a little upset too when you were describing your move at school and no one offered to help. But, I am glad that you finally got everything done. I do think your principal should be a little bit more understanding because any change in someone’s life will temporarily turn their life upside down until a regular schedule is worked out. The good news is that you are out for the summer. So please enjoy and get some rest!

Also, don’t worry about the water bill … those things happen. I remember when my DH was in charge of paying for the water and he could have sworn he paid it but of course it had been months! We came home from work to take a shower and no water. And, of course it was after 5pm and they were closed so we had to wait until the next day at 8am to have it turned back on. So, I officially took his privileges away of paying the water bill … lol! But, I could easily do the same thing because I am completely overwhelmed with all of the doctors’ visits, work, and keeping up a house all at the same time!

AFM – I am so glad that it is finally Friday! I have been completely exhausted this week because of the heat. I have quickly figured out that it makes nausea so much worse!

Well, I called my high risk OB yesterday to tell them that I tried to wean off the Xanax twice last week and the week before and that I immediately started cramping and spotting. But, once I went back to my original dose that was prescribed, the cramping/spotting went away. And, the NP asked if my RE would fax a letter stating that his recommendation is that I go back to my original dose of Xanax until week 12. After 12 weeks, I will start to wean off of it then. I can just imagine my RE’s response to that request! Oh well, I am not going to let that stress me out. I also started to schedule my weekly u/s already. My high risk OB will perform weekly u/s from 14 weeks until 26 weeks to make sure my cervix isn’t shortening. I wonder what my insurance company will think of that since they normally only pay for so many u/s per pregnancy. So I guess I will find out!

I hope everyone has a wonderful and enjoyable weekend!

Angela

[dodo928]

Hello ladies, hope everyone is doing well! I just want to give an update. I had my betas this week and they are 98 and 292. RE didn't require his patients with DE IVF to do additional beta. I will have the 6 weeks gestational u/s on 6/7. As you ladies know that the 2ww after the 1st beta is even harder. I'm praying hard for the first u/s.

Hazel: Sorry to hear about your father! Hope you're doing well! My grandma on my mom's side had liver cancer and my father had stomach cancer. I can feel your pain. Please take care of yourself first! I don't see your ticker. Are you having singleton or twins? What are the gender? What's your due date? Sorry, asking a lot of questions.

Katie: How're you? How's your twins doggie? Congrats to your baby girl! I know you deserve a girl to help you out at home.

hi to everyone else, I'm so happy to see you gals are pregnant and going to deliver soon. Time really flies. Hope everyone have a fabulous weekend!

[babyluv]

Dodo - Congrats! Great betas!

Angela - my friend had a cerclage at 18 or 19 weeks because her cervix was shortening, and had appts pretty much every week, sometimes every two weeks, and strict bed rest until having it removed just before 36 weeks (and going into labor about two days later with a perfectly healthy little girl). With her next pregnancy, she will automatically get one at 12 weeks, so it will be higher up and she hopefully won't have to be on bed rest as long. Are you considering getting one just to be safe? I don't think there were any insurance issues with her since her visits were medically advised.

[angelaezra]

Dodo - Congrats! Great betas!

Angela - my friend had a cerclage at 18 or 19 weeks because her cervix was shortening, and had appts pretty much every week, sometimes every two weeks, and strict bed rest until having it removed just before 36 weeks (and going into labor about two days later with a perfectly healthy little girl). With her next pregnancy, she will automatically get one at 12 weeks, so it will be higher up and she hopefully won't have to be on bed rest as long. Are you considering getting one just to be safe? I don't think there were any insurance issues with her since her visits were medically advised.

Babyluv - I am definitely hoping to avoid the bed rest, if at all possible. If I do suffer from a shortening of my cervix, I hope he catches it in time and puts in a cerclage if needed. But, I don’t want to automatically get one either because once you have one for a pregnancy, you are more than likely to have to have one for the next pregnancy also. Also, he’s not definitely sure that was my problem w/ Ashley, he was only guessing as he wasn’t my physician back then. He only guessed that I suffered from an incompetent cervix from the shortening from the inside after I described the events that led me up to the stillbirth. So, I guess from here it is only waiting game. I will say I am not experiencing as much pressure as I did with Ashley with this pregnancy. My high risk OB and my RE thought most of my problems started because there were originally twins with my last pregnancy, so we will see.

Angela

[malya324]

Hi all, Just got back from the hospital.

So what started Wednesday night with my water breaking continued yesterday. The fluid had stopped and I was hopeful, untill Thursday morning, after going to the bathroom, I wiped and I got caught on a little grey loop. I freaked out! I called my husband back, who had just left for work and told him he was coming back to pick me up and take me to the hospital. When we got to the hospital they took me to Labor and Delivery and hooked me up to a monitor, There was a heartbeat! Then got the bad news. It was indeed the ambilical cord poking out of my cervix and the baby couldn't stay in my womb and couldn't survive out. The only option at that point was to induce labor. So I was admitted. After speaking to several specialists, including the head of the NICU, hope was lost. I as induced around noon with pills behind my cervix. Contractions started in an hour and were very painfull. I was given meds for the pain and was totaly out of my mind but still in pain. Around 4 I got an epidural and felt much better. The nurse gave me the second dose of pills at 11pm and contractions got intense! At 12:56 am my little boy was born his heart gave out hours before so he wasn't in pain when I saw him.
Then there was the blood. Half an hour later, when they are still mopping up blood and my blood pressure went down to 63 the dr. said he needed to do a D & C. I felt horrible, there was blood everywhere and I felt like I was going to faint. The rolled me to the OR and at that point I yelled "I don't feel well" and passed out. I woke up a few times but thought I was actualy dying. I lost a lot of blood. Next thing I know I was back in my room on oxygen and shaking uncontrolably so cold. The nurses gave me many blankets and contemplated a blood tranfusion but I guess I was getting better b/c we never did do it.
At 9am this morning I was week but concious and alert. They allowed us to hold the baby and take a few pictures, he was ssooooo tiny. They relesed us a few hours ago once my blood work came back on the rise. We made burial arangements and really don't know what to do from here. I've never see my DH cry like that, then I started to cry. When we started talking about it I realized that he wasn't cring so much about the baby as he was so scared he was going to loose me. I've never felt more loved in my life! No matter what happens in the future I am so lucky to have such a wonderful guy who loves me soo much. We know we will get through this, we aren't sure if we can go through another round financialy or psycologialy. we will pay the bills and take a well deserved vacation, then see if we are up for this again.
On the up side we found a new OB who use to be an RE (he did my D&C) and will monitor me more closely if we do this again, with all my previous issues he thinks a simple cerlatage would have prevented this, but we will see. I'm now going to ly down I'll be on bedrest for the next two weeks. I'll check in with you guys, maybe in a few days. Thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers.

[Stephanieford78]

Dodo - Congrats on the growing betas! My RE only took one beta.. I had to go to my regular doc to see if they went up. lol

Angela - So your OB needs proof that your RE said to stick to your dose? Do they think you are a Xanax junkie? lol Good thing they are keeping a good eye on you! Having to go to the doc so many times must be kind of an inconvenience but at least you get to know every week how the little one is doing! That should help you enjoy your pregnancy so much more.

Gi - Aww, J's reaction tugs on the heart strings. That's so cute how he got so emotional.. that baby is going to have him wrapped around the little pinky.

Helene - I am not going to worry too much about the money situation. I am sure something will fall into place soon.

Sara - Oh my, I am sorry the move was so stressful. I can't believe no one helped but they could point out that you shouldn't be doing all of that. UGH! At least it is summer break and you can relax and enjoy! No more stress!

Ok, so I know some or all of you are wondering about the u/s today... well, we got very very good news. I am very excited about the outcome! I am going to post the pictures that all speak for themselves. There are quite a few so sorry if it takes up a whole page. lol













So, I didn't get the two boys I hoped for but one of each is perfect! Andrew was so happy, not sure I have seen him so happy since he found out I was pregnant. They have me scheduled for u/s's every 5-6 weeks on top of my OB appts to keep a close eye on their growth and the previa.

Malya - I just saw your update. I cried once I read about the loop and of course it just kept coming after reading the rest. I am in the living room with Andrew and DD and they both asked me what's wrong and I explained simply. What a horrible experience how unfair! You are in my thoughts and I wish there were words that could make things better but I know there are none. Thankfully you have DH who is such a good man! You both are lucky to have each other. Thank god you made it safely!

[angelaezra]

Hi all, Just got back from the hospital.

So what started Wednesday night with my water breaking continued yesterday. The fluid had stopped and I was hopeful, untill Thursday morning, after going to the bathroom, I wiped and I got caught on a little grey loop. I freaked out! I called my husband back, who had just left for work and told him he was coming back to pick me up and take me to the hospital. When we got to the hospital they took me to Labor and Delivery and hooked me up to a monitor, There was a heartbeat! Then got the bad news. It was indeed the ambilical cord poking out of my cervix and the baby couldn't stay in my womb and couldn't survive out. The only option at that point was to induce labor. So I was admitted. After speaking to several specialists, including the head of the NICU, hope was lost. I as induced around noon with pills behind my cervix. Contractions started in an hour and were very painfull. I was given meds for the pain and was totaly out of my mind but still in pain. Around 4 I got an epidural and felt much better. The nurse gave me the second dose of pills at 11pm and contractions got intense! At 12:56 am my little boy was born his heart gave out hours before so he wasn't in pain when I saw him.
Then there was the blood. Half an hour later, when they are still mopping up blood and my blood pressure went down to 63 the dr. said he needed to do a D & C. I felt horrible, there was blood everywhere and I felt like I was going to faint. The rolled me to the OR and at that point I yelled "I don't feel well" and passed out. I woke up a few times but thought I was actualy dying. I lost a lot of blood. Next thing I know I was back in my room on oxygen and shaking uncontrolably so cold. The nurses gave me many blankets and contemplated a blood tranfusion but I guess I was getting better b/c we never did do it.
At 9am this morning I was week but concious and alert. They allowed us to hold the baby and take a few pictures, he was ssooooo tiny. They relesed us a few hours ago once my blood work came back on the rise. We made burial arangements and really don't know what to do from here. I've never see my DH cry like that, then I started to cry. When we started talking about it I realized that he wasn't cring so much about the baby as he was so scared he was going to loose me. I've never felt more loved in my life! No matter what happens in the future I am so lucky to have such a wonderful guy who loves me soo much. We know we will get through this, we aren't sure if we can go through another round financialy or psycologialy. we will pay the bills and take a well deserved vacation, then see if we are up for this again.
On the up side we found a new OB who use to be an RE (he did my D&C) and will monitor me more closely if we do this again, with all my previous issues he thinks a simple cerlatage would have prevented this, but we will see. I'm now going to ly down I'll be on bedrest for the next two weeks. I'll check in with you guys, maybe in a few days. Thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers.

Malya – I know this is of little comfort at this time but I am so incredibly sorry and I know and understand how you feel. As I was reading your story, it sounded like an exact replica of my experience February 2009. I had been warned early that the Cytotec (the pill that they insert to induce labor) can cause strong contractions before I was admitted, so as soon as I was admitted to the L & D unit I had an epidural inserted right away. My manager had a stillbirth at 20 weeks and went through the same thing I did.

I am actually very speechless right now as I was hoping no other woman would ever have to experience what I did last year but I know that isn’t realistic.

Can I please give you some advice? You have to grieve for your loss and make sure you are there for each other. Please don’t make any decisions regarding another cycle or transfer for the future right now because it is just too soon! My DH thought he would lose me mentally following Ashley’s birth and he almost did. It took me a long time to get back to my life but I am forever changed from my experience.

Please know that I am here for you anytime you need to talk. You can PM or contact me personally any time you like. I will be praying for you and your DH

Angela

[babyluv]

Oh Malya, I am so, so sorry. I have no words...My heart absolutely breaks for you and you and your DH are absolutely in my prayers. I was just reading a friend's blog, and she lost her son 6 months ago, 8 hours after birth (she was full term, it was a very rare issue), and her husband said to her, "Please don't leave me." He was so worried he would lose her. Your DH loves you so much, you will get through this, but you will always love and miss your son. We are here for you in any way we can be.