Pheonixes Rising

[luby]

Hi Phonesnixes

JUST WANTED TO LOG ON TO WISH YOU ALL A MERRY XMAS....



HERE'S HOPING 2007 BRINGS US ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD...

HAVE A LOVELY XMAS ALL - SPEAK SOON

SORRY HAVEN'T BEEN LOGGING ON MUCH REALLY BEEN HAVING A REAL SHITTY TIME.........

LOVE TO YOU ALL

XXXXXX

[NickiMark]

Lucy, honey whats happened to be so shitty!! It's hard, I know!!

I am also feeling sad, just posted on Jen's Xmas post, but my friend just had twins 2day, she named one the name we would have used....
I cried, I now dont feel in the mood for Xmas......

But hey, lets hope luck come this way in 2007, Firstly Julie with the BFP, then Lisa then me and you Lucy and Souris, then Jen, followed by Kate.

MLG, has your little 'un arrived??

Gail, how are you??

Love 'n' hugs!!

xx

[souris]

Hey Nicki, so sorry to hear that you are not feeling great. I am also not in the mood, was grumpy and tearful all day yesterday, although I try to hide it as much as possible for DH and kids... It is all quiet in the house now, we had a big xmas lunch and dh and kids are having a nap. I just received a text from a friend from the Uk, whishing me a merry xmas and asking how is the pregnancy going... I did not tell her that I had miscarried...

I hate feeling like that, but i wish I could have skip xmas this year...

One good news, I started my periods yesterday, just 30 days after D&C which means my body is doing ok i guess! I sent an email to my doc, to ask her if I could cycle on my next period... She is on holidays but I hope she will reply soon so I can book my flight to France! (if my prolactin is ok!)
So I might be cycling soon!

Hope all phoenixes are having a fab time!

Nicki, sending you a big hug xxx

love
souris
xxx

[Julie2039]

MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!!!! HOPE YOU GOT LOTS OF NICE PRESSIES XXXXXXXXX

[NickiMark]

hi all, had xmas dinner, now full to burst, had tears this morning. was on phone to my brother, and telling him all about my friend and forth coming ivf, i know what else is nigglin now too. IT's my Dad who died in sept04, this is the 3rd xmas with out, so thought that it couldnt be that, but after spking to my bro, i think i do miss him, i cant help it. My mum is here today, spoke to her had heart to heart, but i still dont really feel happy!!!
I think i am wasting my dads inheritance money on ivf, it could cost £4000 if i dont get over 8 eggs, i am worried i wont get many eggs, how do i know i will get more, does any 1 else worry like this??

Dh and mum are watching green green grass on tv, i think i want to sleep.

Whats wrong with me, usually so happy and now feeling so low!

Souris,
Where in the world are you?? So AF has come 30 days later, If i were u would wait for another bleed, and then try again, so i guess start in feb. Me and u could cycle together then x x

Love & hugs to ya all x x x

[luby]

Hi Girlies

Merry xmas to you all, well I've just had my dinner, now I'm stuffed.....

Went to my sisters this morning to see my niece opening all her pressies.. my word she got loads...(bless her)

It would of been our babies 1st xmas this year, he/she would of been 5 months old and its very hard, but I know I can't keep thinking 'the what if's' and the 'if onlys' I have chanhed my mind again about my next cycle I just can't wait, I really want to do it again sooner than in the summer so I'm going to do it prob March, depending on money, but hopefully I'll be able to......

Nicki darling sorry you're feeling in a mood its hard isn't it..? It is hard when friends/family have babies and then call them the names we've always wanted to call our children, a girl I know called her daughter the name I love and I got really upset, its not like I see her loads but still it hurt...!! Hope santa brought you lots of nice gifts.? I know there is only 1 gift we all want and one day we WILL get it..! Keep your chin up hun.. I've been feeling really shitty cos been arguing a lot with DP, I know its prob me but I can't seem to help it... it puts a big strain on your relationship, my sister asked me the other day if I still wanted to be with him, my answer was "yes cos I want a baby more than anything in the world" she said "so your only with him cos you want a baby?" Well this has really got me thinking.........!! AM I?

Souris - It must be hard when Dh's kids are there, even though you are prob very close, it must still be hard, I know it is for me and we don't even see DP's son as much as he'd like.. You are being very strong hun, its hard when you hear things like that, but your friend wasn't to know, but it brings it home doesn't it... ? Whats the flight to France for? Try keep your chin up, thinking of you...

Julie, Jen, Kate, Gail, Smita, MERRY XMAS... HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAVING A FAB DAY.??

MLG - Any news, wonder if you're having your baby today - xmas day baby... good luck...

Right going to have a large glass of wine now and see what this Deal or No Deal interactive game is all about..

Speak soon all...

Lucy

[souris]

Hey Nicki, Lucy!

I am sorry to hear how you feel , but I am glad that i am not the only one!

I have to go back to France because DH and I are expats and we are in Dubai at the moment. But I need my treatment in France because THANK GOD, the SECU (french NHS) reimburse all IVF treatments...without that, we would not be able to try having a baby...

Lucy, I had the same problems with DH. Because I was feeling so bad, and Dh is not perfect, we have had a lot of arguments, mainly because of me I guess. I was so relieved when I fell pregnant, no more treatments, I was so happy and at peace with myself... But for the last couple of days I have been really tired, with the children being home and Dh doesnt help at all. Sometimes I really feel like giving it all up... I know I can have children naturally and I dont blame DH, but it would be so much easier for me... But at the end of the day, I love him... But i dont know how long I can continue with the IVF pressure...

Ok guys, soon xmas and new year will be over, so I guess it will get a bit easier for us.
What doesnt kill us make us stronger...

Nicki, I wanted to wait until Feb Af to cycle, as we planned to go on our dream vacation in Jan. But because we have had money issues, holidays are off, and now I just want to cycle ASAP. The waiting is driving me mad, Dh is 53 and I feel like we are running out of time.... So I hope it will be for end of Jan AF... We will see!

Sending you big hugs
xxx
souris

[NickiMark]

Oh Lucy, sounds like u have heaps of Q's?? I dont know are you happy with DP??

I am happy with dh, it has crossed my mind once before what if i had found some one else, i could be preg. but I love my man soooooo much 10000000000000000%
It's hard as woman think differently about having babies, men and my dh also are so just laid back about it,
Lucy, does dh have sperm issues, what about you??

I am sure u are happy with your man, it's just ll this arguing that makes u think that, an good luck for march ivf if you try, we will be ivf buddies!!

Me you and souris!!

Souris my Af will be due mid Feb, 13th I think. so will down reg then, i am thinking all the time about it, dh doest even think much about it, he just thinks about the end results.....
When new year is here, i have to call clinic to sort out the egg share appointment the iv chat and then injection lesson, which i am freaking about, yikes!!

How do u cope with the self injections???

I am glad i am not theonly one who feels low thi xmas. nice to be able to chat it all out here, mum is here was chatting to her but truely she doesnt understand, neither does dh not really not the way i feel anyway, i cant help crying, and then he tells me i cry too much!!

Have a good Xmas eve!!! x x x

[luby]

Nicki - DP doesn't have any fertility problems, its me, my tubes are blocked and have high FSH. He has a son already, which if I'm honest I resent him for, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it...
I do love him, we have been together 6 years this xmas, it has crossed my mind that if I could concieve naturally I'd walk away, but becuase I can't I'm clinging onto the man who I might have my child/children with...not fair really is it..? He trys to understand what I'm going through but like you say they don't fully understand do they? Not even family.!

How do you feel about the egg share is it something you and DH decided on or something the clinic put to you? Don't worry about the injections, once you've done the 1st one they are OK. HONEST...

Souris I know what you mean, when I fell preg, I felt on top of the world, was so chilled out and thought DP was the best thing ever... then when it all got took away I went very sad, frustrated, angry and felt no hope... Must be very hard knowing your not the one with the prob, but you must love DP very much and your in it together so to speak aren't you.. you'll get Souris, its just not fair the heartache we have to go through to get there...

Can't believe its xmas day... just feels like another day - what we like eh???????????????

[NickiMark]

oh Lucy what are we like huh, interneting on xmas day!!! Should be with the kids!!!

What kids?? Thats the problem i think, No kids!!

The clinic sugested egg sharing first, last year after 3 failed iui's we have had the thought of ivf and egg sharing since then, but we decided that iui should work and after de-stressing really thought it would work, i have no problems, its jus that dh has no sperm, but i would say now after 5 iuis i have un explained infertility. Who know why 5 iuis wont work, so we always knew that ivf would be next, but we did give iui a good shot...

We can only afford 1 ivf, so i know this is the end, if BFN.... Dh doesnt wont to adopt. so this ivf must work!!!

x x x x

[NickiMark]

oh Lucy what are we like huh, interneting on xmas day!!! Should be with the kids!!!

What kids?? Thats the problem i think, No kids!!

The clinic sugested egg sharing first, last year after 3 failed iui's we have had the thought of ivf and egg sharing since then, but we decided that iui should work and after de-stressing really thought it would work, i have no problems, its jus that dh has no sperm, but i would say now after 5 iuis i have un explained infertility. Who know why 5 iuis wont work, so we always knew that ivf would be next, but we did give iui a good shot...

We can only afford 1 ivf, so i know this is the end, if BFN.... Dh doesnt wont to adopt. so this ivf must work!!!

x x x x

[souris]

Hey Xmas phobiac buddies!

Nicki, the money pressure is just so unfair . I did my first IVF abroad as I did not know that the French NHS reimbursed all treatments. When I got a BFN I was devasted because I thought we had only one chance... Thank god (no, thank the french laws for once) i have more chances now

BUT for some reason and since you said you were going to have IVF, I have a very posisitve feeling about you, and becoming a mummy on your first try!!

Nicki, honestly the injections are fine. I did not get any lessons, the nurse did it once in my thigh and then I was left on my own (switch to tummy cause it was easier) In France, I can have a nurse coming around every day, but I like doing them on my own. I just call her for the trigger shot (the one just before EC) because I am too scared to mess it up ...
I have to admit that I get an adrenaline rise when I have to do the shots... I love all medical stuff, love watching operation etc... I want to be a nurse...
One of the meds I use (cant remember which one though) stings a bit, so I inject it slowly and it is fine!

Lucy, you are right, unless they have been through infertility and IVF, other people cannot understand... I find it frustrating, but cant blame them really. I try not to talk to much about it anymore with my family, because I feel like they are getting bored! Even DH... So I am so happy to have you all!!

Ok got to go, DH and I are going to hospital, he had an abcess that needed to be burst just before xmas (on his private parts poor thing... ) and now the doc needs to check if all is alright!

lots of love
xxx
souris

[luby]

Souris - aawww poor DH doesn't sound very plesant, hope hospital have sorted him out..? Its good that the french NHS reinburs the funds, my mum lives in France, wouldn't it be good if I moved there had my treatment done and got back the funds, cos at the moment I've spent over 12,000 and really can not afford another go but I am doing, then if I get a BFN I'll be doing ED next and that is 6,000, its not fair we have to folk out the money........! Hope your feeling a bit better today?

Nicki - I agree with Souris I'm so positive IVF will work for you, don't know why but got a good feeling about it... 1st go will be a BFP.. The money is a big problem isn't, I can't really afford to do my next cycle but I feel I have to, then like I said to Souris this will be my last go using my own eggs, and ED is 6,000, its far too much money, don't know what I'll do.. ROB A BANK MAYBE....!!
Hope your feeling a bit better today hun...

Speak soon - can't believe I'm back at work tomorrow..

Lu.

xxx

[NickiMark]

thx Souris, and Lucy!! I am feeling so much better today, and after readin that u both have feelings i will get BFP i am bouncing high!!!

Lets hope so huh??

Another lazy day, actually be glad when this xmas/new yr period is over!!

Worked out today that EC should be round the 26th March, all being well.

How much time do u guys tale off for IVF, I am thinking if taking time off work from a week before Ec til end of 2ww, is that too much time.

What do u think??

x x

So by easter, i should be with Child!!! x xx

[souris]

Hey Nicki!

What is your job? I dont work, so it makes things so much easier... But if i was, I would take some time off from the EC (because I usually feel a bit of pain after).
Before that, I always feel good while stimming. The only thing is that you might need to go for blood works and scans, so you will need some time off, unless you can go before or after work...

After ET I would take a couple of days. I know everyone is different, but unless your job is very tiring or physical, I would not take time off for the 2 WW. Mainly because it drives me mad.
I was home for my 1st 2ww, doing nothing but thinking about my embies all day long, trying to analyse everthing, watching my moves etc...I was scared to get up, go to the loo, walking too fast.etc. (I got a BFN)
For my 2nd 2ww, I decided that i would not push myself too hard, but that i was going to do all the normal things i did usually. I was on holidays in France, looking after my 6 years old nephew. We had long walks, went swimming every day, cooking, shopping etc... The only thing I did not do was picking him up!
I was as relax as I could (considering the circumstances!!) and I got a BFP!!
Basically, I think it is important to keep yourself busy during the 2ww. I only allowed myself to lie down 30 min in the evening to relax and talk to my embies!

Hope it helps,
xxx
souris