U R not alone with DI

[DonnaUS-NY]

Yay Tanya!!! So very happy for you! Congratulation on your positive HPT! You must be so elated! Please keep us posted. (Remember the test on 5/24 is just a formality, HP tests are mostly accurate especially with + results!!)

Joviwish- It is a very exciting time and I am so glad you guys are excited about it too. Wishing you the best of luck. By the way, I think you are smart in not telling anyone; you can always share it but you cannot take it back. This'll make sure you and your husband first, are on the same page and comfortable in how to deal with it. We shared it with a few family memebers because we said too much during the ivf process and they suspected anyway. We are okay that they know now, but I remember at the time wishing we didn't say too much up front because once we found out we actually had to go the donor route, it didn't give much of a choice to live with it alone for a bit and really process it. But once the baby is born all the worries seem to disappear!

Take care all!

Donna

[TansRN]

I am so excited about my positive HPT results. I sure hope that the beta numbers come back good. My clinic only does one and if it is high they will not do another one. I am just thrilled to death about the double pink lines!!! I can hardly stand it.

Polly Gargy Joviwish and Donna hope that you guys had a good weekend!!!

[Gargy]

Hi everyone,

Donna,

I was just re-reading some of the posts and I noticed that you asked about acupuncture. On another site that I am on, a LOT of women use acupuncture as well as supplementary medicine such as Chinese herbs to help with their treatments. Most say that it works (although some are a little wary of the false promises some make - must say I had one of those who promised to 'fix' DH's sperm - I did feel better with the acupunture and herbal remedies she used, but after that exaggeration I left as I felt I couldn't trust her anymore).

How are things going - the transfer should be happening soon, yes??

Tanya



Let us know how you go!!!

Polly,

I'm thinking you are doing your 5 hour trips back and forth to the clinic. I really hope you go well - fingers crossed!!

Joviwish,

Oh so nice with the massage and nails - very pampering!! Can relate on the waiting game - that's what we also seem to be doing most of the time! I hope that they do find sperm using the TESA/PESA - good luck with that.

Spent a quiet weekend cleaning the house, doing shopping etc. DH and I had a long talk about 'where to from here' (in terms of work and uni - don't panic!!) I'm very concerned that he keeps having panic attacks over work, so we talked about him working only 3 days a week and finishing his uni degree on the other two days. This will mean that he will be finished by mid next year - which will be roughly the time the donor sperm should be ready to go. He's going to talk to his managers about it tomorrow...

Sending baby vibes out to everyone - good luck!!

[DonnaUS-NY]

Hi All,
I did a couple of HPT tests and unfortunately they were both negative. I spent the last couple of days in a very sad, emotional and angry (at times) place....I guess I just have to go through it. Most of all I have been angry at God, I know this will pass and there is a reason for everthing, but at this moment I cannot understand it. We do not have any more insurance and are not sure what to do from here. Before IVF with DS we considered and became excited over adoption (that acceptance it what allowed us to reconcile our feelings about DI). So maybe since that is where my heart was then, maybe that's where we need to explore next. The financial situation is of course a factor which is scary in its own right. Oh well, got to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thanks for letting me vent to a group of wonderful, strong people who know too well what this kind of hurt feels like.
Donna

[Gargy]

So sorry Donna for your hurt. It must be hard to come to what feels like the end of one road. I also have long discussions with God/the universe/higher being about how unimpressed I am with their decisions. Then I pick myself back up again and try to figure out where to next (with spiritual help obviously) - which it sounds like you are doing.

I've been thinking recently about adoption and costs. I'm not sure if we'll ever go down this path, but my thinking was that it's probably the equivalent of doing a couple of IVFs and with the guarantee that you will have a child at the end. I'm sorry if that sounds a bit clinical - I know that there are also heaps of emotional concerns too - but from your post this seems to be one of your issues with it.

Stay strong, look after yourself and let us know what you decide...

[DonnaUS-NY]

Gargy,
Thank you. I have to say after re-reading my post I felt a little ashamed. All along I have tried to keep perspective of the fact that I have it good now and I am fortunate enough to have had one success, a beautiful daughter which I treasure. I guess having had her, which I felt was a miracle, I assumed it could happen again. Although I knew there were no guarantees, perhaps I really was not expecting the answer "No" to my prayers for a second child. In hind-sight I thought the problem was male factor, which was addressed once we came to terms with DI, but I guess I got blind sided by the unknown fertility issues on my end. The end of a road is scary - I feel saddened by the fact is determined by the amount of insurance we have and how many vials we have left - but that is life. The truth is I don't know if I can do it any more anyway, I feel like each attempt has taken a toll emotionally, physically and now spiritually. In the meantime, I am going to take some time, get back to God and get out of the "pity pot"

That being said....Enough of me, how are you doing? How's everyone one else?

[Gargy]

Hi Donna,

I think sometimes that you have to let yourself move through the grief before getting up again and moving on. Trying to force yourself to move on before your ready is not acknowledging the pain that you thought things would work out for you, and they didn't.

As far as reading old posts - I'll claim the title as Queen of venting!! I just acknowlegde that when I write the posts this was how I was feeling at the time, and it was a far healthier way to get rid of the anger rather than taking it out on people (particularly my in-laws!!). And I believe we've found a wonderful group that understands. I wouldn't feel ashamed.

[Polly12]

Hi ladies, this certainly has become a very active and interesting thread drawing heaps of fab woman sharing their experiences! It sounds like everyone is on a real journey and its awesome sharing the highs and lows.

Im back from my first IUI and in my 2ww as we speak - about 6dpo so will be interesting to see what happens.

Donna - sorry about the negitive result:( don't feel ashamed at all for any feelings you have! Secondary infertility is HUGE!! HUGE I say and its absolutely normal to feel every different feeling under the sun and is ok. I think we have all turned to God at some stage and said "why me?" "what have i done to deserve this heartache" why do i have two empty arms (for those of us that are currently childless" or "why do i feel like my family is not complete" for those who are going through your situation. Just want to say im thinking of you.

Gargy, as always everyones rock of support on this forum, interesting to hear your views and thoughts on adoption. It does not sound clinical - with all the dissapointment we face day in and day out, having some sort of guarantee is great, don't feel bad for that at all.

Joviwish - you go girl - pampering sounds absolutely devine! Thinking of you.

[TansRN]

Hey Polly I am sending you tons of baby dust girl! Just tons! I am so excited to hear from you....did you say that you were going to do a home preg test? I can't remember sorry.

Donna
I am so sorry to hear about your negative tests. That is horrible! I know what you mean about feeling mad at God. I was when I lost my baby last summer. There is no rhyme or reason. It was the worst thing ever! It takes time to work through the pain and freif before you can move on. It really does. You have the right to go through that and allow yourself the time to do it. It will help. Plus we are here to support you and keep you on your feet when you can't do it alone! Once you get a plan of action you will feel better. Just knowing where you are going in life will help.

Gargy
Sounds like a great plan! I hope that it works out for you and DH to change your schedule. Glad that you had a quiet weekend cleaning. Sometimes I consider that therapeutic!!!

Still getting very dark lines guys!!! Only two more days until my beta test! Feels like forever!!!!!!!

[TansRN]

Hey Polly I am sending you tons of baby dust girl! Just tons! I am so excited to hear from you....did you say that you were going to do a home preg test? I can't remember sorry.

Donna
I am so sorry to hear about your negative tests. That is horrible! I know what you mean about feeling mad at God. I was when I lost my baby last summer. There is no rhyme or reason. It was the worst thing ever! It takes time to work through the pain and freif before you can move on. It really does. You have the right to go through that and allow yourself the time to do it. It will help. Plus we are here to support you and keep you on your feet when you can't do it alone! Once you get a plan of action you will feel better. Just knowing where you are going in life will help.

Gargy
Sounds like a great plan! I hope that it works out for you and DH to change your schedule. Glad that you had a quiet weekend cleaning. Sometimes I consider that therapeutic!!!

Still getting very dark lines guys!!! Only two more days until my beta test! Feels like forever!!!!!!!

[TansRN]

Hey Polly I am sending you tons of baby dust girl! Just tons! I am so excited to hear from you....did you say that you were going to do a home preg test? I can't remember sorry.

Donna
I am so sorry to hear about your negative tests. That is horrible! I know what you mean about feeling mad at God. I was when I lost my baby last summer. There is no rhyme or reason. It was the worst thing ever! It takes time to work through the pain and freif before you can move on. It really does. You have the right to go through that and allow yourself the time to do it. It will help. Plus we are here to support you and keep you on your feet when you can't do it alone! Once you get a plan of action you will feel better. Just knowing where you are going in life will help.

Gargy
Sounds like a great plan! I hope that it works out for you and DH to change your schedule. Glad that you had a quiet weekend cleaning. Sometimes I consider that therapeutic!!!

Still getting very dark lines guys!!! Only two more days until my beta test! Feels like forever!!!!!!!

[TansRN]

Its official my beta was 708 at 12 dpt!!! Woo Hoo I am so happy. I have my first u/s on June 5th!!! Woo Hoo

Polly when do you test girl???My mind is gone right now sorry!

[Gargy]

Hey Tanya!!

[Henrietta]

TransRN, you go girl. Congratulations.

[DonnaUS-NY]

Hi Everyone,
I just had a chance to read back posts, its amazing to see the friendships and support grow as time goes on. Thank you all for your feedback and giving me reminders that sometimes we just need to go through and deal with what we are feeling. Moments of feeling good are starting to creep back in. We are going camping this weekend and I am so looking forward to getting away from the old boxes of medications, needles etc. I feel my body starting to get back to where it was too. Still don't know what to do but I am hoping to at least be able to clear my head a bit.

By the way my negative results were confirmed by the blood test at the begining of this week. I called the doctor to tell them I tested negative and that I would like to go for blood work a few days early (Monday rather than Wednesday) at first they said no and I broke down. I knew it was negative and until I had the blood work I had to do an intramuscular shot of progesterone and oil each day. Doing these shots knowing it was for nothing was killing me, each time a reminder of the failure. They called back and said okay, as suspected it was negative. At least I was able to stop the meds and try to move on.

Polly, I logged on looking to see if there was an update from you. When is your test? How are you doing?

Tanya, So glad your test went well!

Gargy, How is you process going? Is your KD in a quaranteed status now? I tried figuring out where you are in your process and I thought perhaps that is where you may have left off, but I wasn't sure. Just curious on how things were in your world.

Thinking of you all. Thanks again for being here, I cannot tell you what reading and joining in on these posts have done for me. I felt very much alone with the DI situation and subsequent fertility issues, its nice to know there are others who understand.