JOKES and POSITIVE THOUGHTS
ogr1 I love the angels!
I have nothing positive to say today. My day started with a blood test- most worryingly at the Women's, even though it was for my thyroid.( I believe there is a strange and curious case of Doctor to Doctor communication going on. I'm not sure if I can cope with the efficiency - my system might collapse!) The nurse didn't have a big enough plaster for the cotton wool, so by the time I got to work I'd got a huge bruise! I look like an addict now.
I spilt my lunch all down my front and trousers and then tripped over a chair.
Then I was accused of being a racist by an 11 year old boy (with Asperger's syndrome, which is why I didn't lamp him) because I was trying to explain what a lass was.
Ho hum!
I have nothing positive to say today. My day started with a blood test- most worryingly at the Women's, even though it was for my thyroid.( I believe there is a strange and curious case of Doctor to Doctor communication going on. I'm not sure if I can cope with the efficiency - my system might collapse!) The nurse didn't have a big enough plaster for the cotton wool, so by the time I got to work I'd got a huge bruise! I look like an addict now.
I spilt my lunch all down my front and trousers and then tripped over a chair.
Then I was accused of being a racist by an 11 year old boy (with Asperger's syndrome, which is why I didn't lamp him) because I was trying to explain what a lass was.
Ho hum!
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Smita
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2817
- Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2005 2:53 am
- Location: From India,living in Abu Dhabi
OK,
Some one liners I got in am email!..
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to
drink for a living.
Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's
just possible you haven't grasped the situation.
One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is the
assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall
bladder you have also lost your mind.
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at 7:30 in the morning
feeling just plain terrible.
The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at
all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's
deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
All quotes by Jean Kerr(1923-2003)
smita
Some one liners I got in am email!..
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to
drink for a living.
Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's
just possible you haven't grasped the situation.
One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is the
assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall
bladder you have also lost your mind.
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at 7:30 in the morning
feeling just plain terrible.
The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at
all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's
deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
All quotes by Jean Kerr(1923-2003)
smita
me-32, dh 40
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
-
Smita
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2817
- Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2005 2:53 am
- Location: From India,living in Abu Dhabi
NIcki,
I hope you feel better after reading this honey..
HI to all you lovely girls.
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex
life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social
Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not
enough to live on!"
LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out
this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely
natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she
complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when
you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never
home!"
CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give
him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery,
since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500
for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he
would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with
his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone
and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found
the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked
the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel
on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When
you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold
As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOUR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and
said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out
of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back
in.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."
smita
I hope you feel better after reading this honey..
HI to all you lovely girls.
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex
life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social
Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not
enough to live on!"
LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out
this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely
natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she
complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when
you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never
home!"
CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give
him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery,
since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500
for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he
would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with
his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone
and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found
the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked
the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel
on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When
you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold
As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOUR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and
said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out
of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back
in.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."
smita
me-32, dh 40
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little *******.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
Hope you're all ok
Little P
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little *******.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
Hope you're all ok
Little P
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;54;53/st/20060312/n/Amelia/dt/5/k/f209/age.png[/img]
Smita and Little P - all I can say is fantastic!! 
I haven't laughed this much in ages 
Love the bit about Jill forgetting the pill........ if only it were that simple for us girlies!! Sorry I don't have any funnies to contribute but I'll try search for a few.
I haven't laughed this much in ages Love the bit about Jill forgetting the pill........ if only it were that simple for us girlies!! Sorry I don't have any funnies to contribute but I'll try search for a few.Me 32 DH 34 - severe male factor
5 failed donor inseminations July- Nov '06
6th DI Jan '07 ...... finally ..... OMG BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;42;53/st/20070923/n/Mia+Alice+/dt/6/k/09f3/age.png[/img]
5 failed donor inseminations July- Nov '06
6th DI Jan '07 ...... finally ..... OMG BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;42;53/st/20070923/n/Mia+Alice+/dt/6/k/09f3/age.png[/img]
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Jeni Babes
.....I love mary had a little pig... 
-
Inhale, Exhale
- Regular
- Posts: 388
- Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 2:13 pm
- Location: PA, USA
My Girls! Looking for a Christmas Present.........
W.I.C.O.E.
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its!
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life ! testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available
Well worth it, I'd say. have a good one!
(Ihaven't looked through all the jokes- sorry if it is a repost)
Steph
W.I.C.O.E.
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its!
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life ! testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available
Well worth it, I'd say. have a good one!
(Ihaven't looked through all the jokes- sorry if it is a repost)
Steph
Hihihi,
once again, the jokes thread made my day!!!
Thank you all!
souris
xxx
once again, the jokes thread made my day!!!
Thank you all!
souris
xxx
Me 27, DH 55
04/ 05 ICSI -tive 02/06 ICSI. No fertilisation
09/ 06 ICSI. BFP!!! M/C at 12 weeks.04/07 ? ICSI -tive
04/08 ICSI BFP!!! M/C at 12 weeks
Feb 09 6th ICSI has started! neg
June 09 7th ICSI. Please make it happen!!
04/ 05 ICSI -tive 02/06 ICSI. No fertilisation
09/ 06 ICSI. BFP!!! M/C at 12 weeks.04/07 ? ICSI -tive
04/08 ICSI BFP!!! M/C at 12 weeks
Feb 09 6th ICSI has started! neg
June 09 7th ICSI. Please make it happen!!