Summer cycle group

[hopeforbabies]

Lou- Honey I am sooo very sorry. I know that words can not express how you must feel right now but please know that we are all here and our thoughts are with you. (((((BIG HUGS)))))

[hopeforbabies]

Tiger- Oh I am glad that you arent having any AF symptoms that is such a good sign! I cant wait for you to take another POAS on Friday. And thanks for rooting for me I think I will take all the cheerleaders I can drum up. So my apt this morning was just the teaching lesson. No SnS and the nurse started to show me and then was like "wait do you already know how to do this?" Since I had a cycle back in March she was like "oh sorry I guess you really didnt need to come in today, we will see you next week to make sure you're surpressed enough to start stims."

klinger- So sorry for your e/p. I hope that you are resting and recovering well my thoughts and prayers are with you also.

[kbillsy]

Ester - yay for 2 embies! Good thing you did the split sample - can't believe the TESA sample did nothing. Rest up for your transfer. I'm sending all my positive thoughts your way!!!

Lauren1171 - sorry to hear of your bleeding - would be nice if they could get you in for your beta sooner given the circumstances. I hear you on your frustration with this - I used to think if you did IVF you were guaranteed a baby and possibly lots. I've really learned the last few months how difficult it is even with IVF. Hang in there - hopefully your frosties will work out for you AND you'll be able to relax and enjoy your cruise!

Lou - I can't believe it - your embies looked perfect and everything seemed like it was going so well. I was sure it was going to be BFP for you - I am so sorry. It totally sucks to get this news at work too - I know I had a breakdown yesterday once I was done working and could actually process it. Hopefully your FET will go better - GOOD LUCK!

Jenna- can't believe we are in the same boat with BFN. Try to stay positive, even though I know it is hard especially right now!

Tiger04 - I really hope your HPTing and beta go well. Good idea on postponing the beta - maybe I'll have to do that next time. It's amazing how every little cost adds up!

Tammy - it was probably too early - did you test again today?

Klinger - I can't believe you went through all of that since yesterday's post. I am so sorry that after that crazy rollercoaster of betas, this is the outcome for you. How are you feeling? Glad to hear you will be discussing IVF options with RE.

AFM - It's been a difficult day or so but I'm getting by. I'm so frustrated and annoyed that this is not working for us - I'm trying really hard not to get depressed and to keep hope that if we keep trying our time will come. My RE never called today-if I don't hear from him tomorrow morning, I'm going to call the nurse back. I really want them to figure out a different protocol for me that works well for low responders so results will be MUCH different next time - nurse said maybe I my ovarian reserve is lower. Anyone have suggestions on what they have found works? Talked to my DH and family last night - DH is leary of spending more on IVF this year but I don't want to take too much time off since we aren't getting any younger!
I think I will take this month off and try to let my body rest and do some super healthy eating and supplements to get ready for the next cycle in late Sept/early Oct! I'm also going to do some searching to see if I can find any grants or research programs that I would be eligible for - can't hurt to try.

Our group has had some bad luck the last few days - let's turn it around though and try to root for the ladies that are still cycling! They need the support and PMA more than ever!!

[lou71]

Thank you all sincerely for your kind words. They help more than you know. Right now I am super angry at this whole process. I feel broken and defective. I just don't understand esp after being told great looking blasts really increase my chance of success. My clinic posts 66% BFP rate in women my age who have blastocyst transfers. And my RE gave me great odds. But they can't say 100%, right? I'm worried about this next FET. I did an FET of 1 blast from my first cycle and it was BFN. Seems FET have lower success rates. Anyone have any info? My clinic has limited data because they are small (2 RE's) and most women my age don't get blasts to freeze very often. So I'm told.

[rebeccajm]

Lou~

I'm so sorry to hear your news. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

[rebeccajm]

Kbillsy~ I think it's a great idea to take some time to get your body ready. This sure is an emotional and physical process. Good luck with your search for programs that can help you and I hope your RE is able to reevaluate your protocol and find the combination that works for you.

lauren1171~ I'm sorry to hear all that you are going through. I hope that you are able to have a relaxing trip and come back renewed and ready for your frosties.

tiger~ I'm sending positive vibes your way. Hoping that what you're not feeling leads to good news!

ester~ Thursday will be a big day for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

jenna~ It sounds like you and your DH have a great relationship...being there for one another through all that you have been through. Take all the time you need to be ready and we'll be rooting for you.

klinger13~ You've been through so much. I know there is nothing I can say to make it better, you are in my prayers.

franny~ Welcome back! The 26th will be here befor you know it!!

tammy~ I'm sorry about all that you have had going on in your life. You sure have been through a lot and I am hoping that good things are headed your way.

ryann~ It is great news that you are able to get started. I understand your feelings about starting school and going through this. I was so hoping to be done before school started, but school starts on Monday so no such luck. I have been really stressed about it so I talked with my principal and ap today. They are both so supportive that I feel better now.

AFM...On Friday my RE increased my meds because they had not seen any growth. I went back on Monday and they saw what they were looking for...measuring from 8-15. I received a call to continue with the higher dose and will return tomorrow for b/w and u/s.

[rypell1985]

Ester...my students are QUITE challenging! I am only going into my 3rd year, but I have had crazy experiences each opf my first 2 years there. I am in a town with high gang population, so my 6th graders are forced to grow up much faster than in a suburb, so I feel like that just adds to it all! 2 embabies is 2 embabies! I hope they both make it and get to go home to their momma!

Lou....I am SO sorry about your BFN. I really had hope that your fortune cookie was right I'm glad that you are are ready to move on to a FET. I hoep you'll stick around...it's still technically summer.

Lauren319...your post had me laughing so hard...just how did the DH react to being told he has it easy because he doesn't have a vagina?? HAHA

Lauren1171....I'm sorry about the bleeding and the fact that they won't let you come in early. That's just terrible on their part...do they really think leaving you stressed out is better??

tiger...Oh how I hope you get some good news!!!

rebecca...My hope was to be through by entire first trimester by the time I go back September 2nd! Darn tumors ruined that plan for me My principal is very supportive and she was really great when I found out the news about my tumors. She doesn't know that I am planning on cycling again starting next week, but she has a lot on her plate with the beginning of the year and all. I figure I will fill her in when I know for sure that I am getting to start next week. I've learned that anyhting can happen, and I won't hold my breath until I actually stick myself with my first needle!

AFM...I spoke with my RE on the phone and asked her if she thought the healing part of my ovary was going to stop my ovaries from responsing well and she says that if my ovaries don't respond well, it isn't going to be because of that spot. It's just because my ovaries aren't that great. I wish I had heard a little more positivity in her voice through that one....but then she went on to tell me I have my age on my side and that she saw a bunch of little follies on my baseline just waiting to grow...so I am remaining optimistic! Is it next thursday yet?

It breaks my heart to come on here and read bad news. I'm thinking of you all and praying for you all constantly!

[Lauren1171]

Lou - My RE told me that the FET has lower odds because they put the best embryos in on the fresh cycle and froze the others. But also that they usually transfer one more on a FET, which makes the odds the same. With the FET your overies are not all swollen from stims, there are no shots in the belly, so it is a lot less stressful. How many do you have frozen? I look at it like maybe they put the wrong ones on, and one of the frozen ones is the one that is meant to make it. Had this worked, maybe we would never have used the frozen. So for myself, I hope 5 times is the charm!

[dlk]

Ok girls I have been kind of hiding out, mainly because I didn’t want my BFP to hurt you, but it looks like you girls need some hope that BFPs are possible.


Lou: I am so sorry. Hugs and healing thoughts coming your way. I am glad you have a plan for a FET.

Klinger: SO sorry about the EP! I am glad they were able to save your ovary. PMA. You and DH make super sticky embies that hang on to the first thing that they see. I suppose you will be doing IVF now and as soon as they place those embies in your uterus, they should hang on like super glue.

Chris: I am so happy to see your quote back in your signature. I am glad you are looking into donor eggs. You do deserve a break from this craziness.

Tammy: Way too early. I had a super super faint line that I thought I was imagining on 12dpo the really faint lines on day 13 and 14. My beta on 14dpo was 161 and even that day the line was really faint, so much so that I wasn’t completely convinced the beta would be positive.

Kbillsy: Sorry for the BFN (((HUGS)))

Lauren319: Glad you have 3 perfect little boys in you future. I love your attitude to DH “You don’t have a vagina” 

Lauren 1171: Bummer about your RE not being flexible. I so hope you are wrong about this and get a surprise on beta day. You made need to add POAS to your daily cruise activities.

Fitz: Too early for POAS. See my note to Tammy. PMA girl.

Tiger: Keep up the PMA.

Ester: OMG on DH watching. I think 99% of guys would faint just hearing about TESA much less watching it. Were the TESA eggs also ICSI’d? Yeah for 2 embies waiting to get back into their momma.

Franny: Glad you are back and you got your surge. Let the fun begin.

Teresa: Sorry about the wasted appt. But it sounds like you are all lined up to start soon.

Ryann: SO glad the mass was just healing. ICK about the tumors though. But you are on your way. Sorry the RE wasn't more optimistic.

Renee: Congrats on a great second beta.

Dys: Good luck with your POAS. They are like crack!

Amanda: Have fun at Myrtle Beach. I lived in Charleston for 8 years and love the SC coast!

Jenna: Sorry about the BFN. I think all the symptoms are from the progesterone.


Everyone else. I know I am missing a few of you. This place is so busy. I need to not get so behind. Good luck, PMA and Hugs to you all I missed.



AFM: Lots of roller coaster rides lately. I had the rash that I thought was from the PIO so I went in on Aug 8 (5w4d) and had an U/S showing intrauterine singleton with EGA=5w3d and was switched to 100 mg Endometrin 3x a day ( that was awful, refuse it and insist on PIO....tmi alert: a big chalky tablet that led to very nasty discharge that was like chalky cement GROSS!). Then I went back on 8/11 (6w1d) and had another U/S that showed EGA=5w7d and fetal Heart rate of 106. I was all discharged to my high risk ob who will see me at 8 w. He also switched me to 200 mg Prometrium vaginally at night. All was good. I got an invitation to a baby shower (one of the ladies from DH’s work that led to a giant breakdown back in June when I found out she and a few others were preggers). Feeling pretty good and even look at her Babies R Us registry and even ventured to start browsing around at baby furniture. Friday I had the worst morning sickness and felt just awful. I slept all day Friday and most of Saturday. I felt better by Saturday night but had some light spotting (more like brownish pink CM). Tried to remain calm. I felt much better on Sunday. Better than I had in weeks. Then late Sunday morning a big gush of bright red blood. I called the RE on call who said it was common and things were likely ok and that they would see me at 8 am Monday for an U/S. He also recommended bedrest and to try not to worry. YEAH right. I stayed in bed except when I came downstairs for dinner and another big gush of bright red blood. I had no nausea and felt great, no symptom and that was the worst part. I also felt that TOM was about to happen. I totally assumed the worse and stressed all day night. We to the RE and after waiting in the room forever, the RE came in with another doc (I think a resident from the local University...he may have introduced her but I don’t remember). He had the monitor turned away at first so the 2 of them could see and then he looking around all over for an eternity like he was searching high and low. I just wanted to hear a heart beat. He kept searching about and I was really stressing and then he started measuring. Luckily at that point I realized they were looking and measuring my ovaries. At that point I almost yelled “I don’t give a sh!t about my ovaries.”, but I somehow restrained myself. A few minutes later I heard the heart beat of 131 right on target. I had a subchorionic bleed 2.3 x 1.7 cm. Which freaked me out, but after reading all about it yesterday, it seems less gloomy and that more often than not things end up ok. He did put me back on PIO and now the awful nausea is back. I truly believe every “pregnancy” symptom I have ever felt is a PIO symptom. So now I wait until next Monday’s appt at the OB. I had some dark spotting yesterday morning and afternoon, but since last night just (more TMI) brown speckled CM.

I feel like every part of this journey is like climbing a giant ladder where you just have to focus on getting to the next step, but at any point you can get knocked off the ladder and you have to start back at the beginning. I reminds my of a game I played as a kid “Chutes and Ladders” What scares me is I am afraid that the higher you are when you get knocked off the ladder the more it will hurt. I am also kind of pissed at this whole infertility thing because not only do we have to invest SO much emotionally, physically, and financially, but it also robs us of the joy of being pregnant. I as laid there waiting for my U/S I was actually mad at myself because I felt like I never enjoyed being pregnant and I feared that I no longer was. I feel like I am stuck in limbo. I feel like I am at the BFP but not quite ready to admit or embrace the “I am actually pregnant”, especially after this scare. I do realize that I am very lucky to have gotten this far especially after seeing how hard some of you ladies have been and are struggling. So I am just going to hang out in limbo and wait for the rest of you girls to get your BFPs (I guess that will be late Sept/Oct when Lou gets her BFP).

Hope some of you made it to the end of my novel.

[Lauren1171]

Didi - Congratulations!!! We do need to hear that it really can work! I like your Chutes and Ladders analogy. It is so true! The higher you get on the ladder, the more it hurts to fall back to the bottom.

[fitzjr11]

so i have been gettting lightheaded last few days and feeling a little nauseaus, now im away for a few days and go to bathroom to see blood on pantyliner, wipe and blood- any ideas???? Blood test is not till Fri and im a mess i have been an emotional nightmare all week and now a little crampy- im 7 days past 5 day transfer

[dlk]

Fitz: I too was lightheaded a bit. Are you on PIO or a vaginal progesterone? The vaginal stuff can cause some irritation and bleeding on its own. It could be from implantation. I don't think you can really depend on any symptoms because the progesterone causes so many of them including the nausea. I saw faint positives on 8dp5dt and 9dp5dt (like the control line was 20x stronger). My thought was any negative HPT could be blamed on being too early but a positive was a really good sign. And the betas are the truth. If I were you, I'd POAS tomorrow (but I am addict).

[amanda1979]

My DH & I just rode a ball that sling shots you in the air at 5gs and 325 ft. I was so scared, but it was so my fun. I will posting the video to my facebook page. I am sorry I haven't got to personals, but are running around. I promise to get to persoanls once I get home. I am sorry for the girls who got terrible news this week. I am sending lots of healing prayers towards everyone.

[Lauren319]

Didi - Congrats! How exciting!

Ryann - telling my husband that I have a vagina and therefore has no idea what I'm going through normally works....especially when that's the whole reason I hav to go through all the shots and he doesn't You are SO YOUNG. I have faith that this will work for you. Nurses and doctors aren't always the most positive...especially if they have to cover their asses.

Amanda - pics please! Woohoo! We went skydiving for my DH's 30th. Super fun.

I'm feeling horrible about all the bad news on here lately. My heart is breaking for you guys. Also, selfishly, it's getting me really down about the actual chances of this working. Ugh I hate this. Why is it that the people that want babies the most and would be the best parents are the ones that have to struggle?

[miyaya]

Hey ladies, I am sorry I have been MIA for a bit. I have been reading here and there and trying to stay up to date on you gals. I wanted to chime in for Moore and Lou.

Lou~ My heart is broken for you. I am so sorry. I was certain that i would see a BFP for you soon. You say you are with a small clinic? Is this the only clinic you have been with? Have you considered moving clinics? I say this because I have found a lot of variance between clinic in what they consider "quality". I used to get so mad at my clinic because I never made it to 5 days. but when I dug deeper I found that they willonly let you go out to 5dt if you have 4 or more B quality or better embies on day 3. My friend went to a different clinic and they always transferred everything. She was so upset b/c she felt like they were transferring "crap" on her FET's and they wasted her money. So now i always ask their transfer criteria for determining 3dt, 5dt...blasts....etc...

Anyways, I am sure you know all this. I find that us IF gals know more than we should sometimes:)

Moore~I am hoping those embies make it for you. Remember it only takes one....ya never know:)

dlk~ congrats! I had not seen your news. That is great. This board needs inspiration.

Sorry for my lame attemp at personals but there is so much since I have last posted. Know you are all in my thoughts:)

AFM, we have our fostering meeting today. We had genetic testing on Monday (Vit D, chromosomes, and fragile X). Follow up consult with RE today--even though we will not use his clinic again. I figured I should get all my information before closing that loop. I pay him big $$, I deserve to know every thought he has on my case:) We are meeting with a different clinic in Oct. But I am pretty certain it will not matter and we will proceed with adoption. My DH is on vacation next week and I have left him the task of calling agencies and asking a million questions. After 5 years of fertility treatments, I am exhausted...all the tests, phone calls, procedures, waiting and meds....90% falls on me. I need a break....this is something he can do and I am more than willing to pass the baton:) I will let you know what doc says. I have not 100% ruled out another cycle, but I need more answers before I can take the risk of losing more $. especially b/c I need a new car soon. My car is 8 years old and this morning gave me trouble...Just what I need, another bill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I will admit, the thought of new car smell makes me SMILE!!!!!!!!!!