AUG/SEPT BUDDIES!

[slfleming1]

JJJake! So happy to hear your 3rd beta went well. I was worried for you!

And congrats on the 3rd beta Amanda. I have my 3rd tomorrow so I'm hoping for good numbers as well!

kerpupples! Yayayay! Congratulations! So many BFPs!!!!

PMA has been up and down the last few days. Having a good moment now! And happy it's nearly bedtime so almost Wednesday!

-Stacy

[SueQiwi]

Kerpuppies~Congrats on your BFP!! What super news.

JJake~I'm glad that everything is on track for you. A lot of time this infertility thing is such a big head game your mind can play tricks on you and you end up thinking the worst. It sounds to me like you've got a very normal, healthy pregnancy.

Val~When do you get your ultrasound? I cant wait to hear all about it!

MzTiaLynnie~I hope you are taking it easy on the 2ww and being good to yourself. I'm excited to hear your beta results.

Renee~Please dont despair--6 follies is wonderufl! Especially for us older Girls. I would be soooooo excited to get 6!! (I only had 4 last time.) You are doing great And remember all the ladies on this board who are now pregnant with only 2 and 3 eggs total (Val, Turtles, Stephanie--just to name a few!)

I am excited for my final BFP on Friday. But my PMA has been faltering with the thought of starting stims on Monday! How crazy is that--I have been so tired of waiting and excited to start for months now! Now that it is finally happening--I feel a bit nuts. I am just trying to squeeze my negative thoughts out of my head--im having trouble sleeping too. I have been feeling so hopeful about his cycle--I just gotta stay strong.

[to_have_fun08]

AIMS - Wanted to wish you the best of luck with your BETA tomorrow. Hope to see another BFP.

[stefanie]

renee - as someone who paid cash, AND had few follies, you can't think about it. It really only takes one. Sure we would all like to bank some frozen ones, but you can't control this.

we have to accept our age and our limitations, and know that our docs and our bodies are doing everything they can.

What isn't good is the worry about things that you can't control. I read the eckart Tolle book (A New Earth) during my first cycle, and it really helped me deal with what is... I think the hardest part of infertility was the months where I couldn't accept what is. The disparity between what is and what I wanted was unbearable. But I moved towards accepting this path, and low and behold, what I wanted came closer. Not in my timeline, but you just have to take it one step at a time.

I didn't think we could afford 2 cycles, but when we stopped and looked after the first, we were able to manage another. One step at a time.

Also, earlier this year I read Eat Pray Love and there was a line in there I repeated every day. Everyday I stuck my sore belly with a needle and felt like I'd had enough.

"sister, you need a backbone, not a wishbone" and I would stick my back straight and face the day.

. The first time I got two eggs I started to cry, but then I realized, I always only had 2 eggs this cycle (2 eggs and 5 follies) I had just made up in my mind that there would be 5. SO I decided to love the two I had instead.

I dunno, for me a lot of this journey has been to pray for the strength to accept what is and to be able to face it, no matter how hard. It's the kind of mother I want to be, so I started practicing strength during the cycle too. I wasn't perfect, but I surprised myself, as do all the great women on this page (my favorite group)

Take each day as it comes. Whatever the doc finds, he will work with. and it will be enough becuase it is what it is.

I can't worry about all the people that wouldn't have bothered with a 3 egg or 2 egg cycle. That's what I had to work with. and.... it worked.

Keep you focus on the day. Celebrate the small victories, and be good to yourself.

A 40 yr old w/ 6 follies....girl, you're actually ahead of the game, if you can let go of what you thought it should be.

s

[Renee Del Ponte]

..

[stefanie]

Thanks.

I'm not a GOD person, per se (although I have no beef with those who are) but it was a hard year, and I found those books helpful whatever you believe.

We all just have to walk through this, and this is a really great group to have.

[to_have_fun08]

Stefaine - That was an awsome post. I will have to come back to that my next cycle if and when the chips are down. I always try to take a cycle one step at a time. I do find it hard to come to terms with this is what I have and this is what will work for me in terms of follicles, eggs that are retrieve and fertilized. I always look at the negative side in what could they have done to make it better, get more eggs, have better egg quality. So much goes through my mind during each cycle.

Thanks for the post.

Chris

[toobee]

Stefanie...

Even though I feel like dookie...I just had to write you

That was an Amazing post you wrote to Renee! I have been meaning to finish reading that book. I kept faliing asleep in the beginnig, dont know why cause I really want to read it. My husband read it and loved it. I watched and read "The Secret" which helped me tremedously when I was suffering from a bout with Lupus and my CTD veral years ago. I highely recommend books that help us ladies think more postively and becoming more grateful for what we have instead of focusing on what we dont. I belive the ideas behind "The SECRET" REALLY CHANGED my life. Even my business became a success after reading some of these books....I am by far perfect and still hve allot to learn but have come a long way from where I used to be.

But just wanted to say, nice post Renee and it reminded me to read that book.

[stefanie]

thanks. If you fell asleep reading A New Earth, don't do the audio book!

I got that first, and his voice just cracks me up (German accent). Although I grew to love listening to him (calming), but then just got the book too, in case I'd drifted off while listening.

It reminded me of Marianne Williamson which I had read in the 90s when I was going through the drama of my 20s, and unravelling the crap of my childhood. The message is very similar and really helped me reframe how I looked at things.

It's funny, I've been a little wary of The Secret because what I knew of it felt like more wishing, so I kind of went the bhuddist track, but I did do a vision board with my husband after I saw them on Oprah.

My husband and I and I made a board w/ magazine cut outs. (had to go buy baby magazines) but the one picture I loved most was a pregnant belly and the hands hold one blue baby sock and one pink baby sock and the line said "trust your body" .

Along the way, as things got hard and bleak, and we had decided that we'd be happy and grateful with one child, I almost took that picture down. I mean, I'm a poor responder who makes TWO eggs in an IVF cycle, I can't go thinking about twins, right? I'll be lucky if it even works.

And I would have been lucky and happy with one. I know that. Still, I'm glad I left the picture up.

[toobee]

Stefanie

I didnt do the visio board per se, but I did do somethign close. I did a screen saver slide show on my laptop since I am on it everyday. It has all the things I really desire rotate through a series of 12 images. I actaully hve the cutest picture of twins, and also a picture of a silohetted womans body that kind of looked like me who was very pregnant. I would look at my slideshow everyday along with my embie pics throughout this journey of IVF. I tried everydy to make time to really visualize the outcome of what I wanted- so far out of my 12 images 4 have come true........I truely belive in visualiztion

[stefanie]

That is so awesome!

Yeah, ours is like a photo album that you can open and prop up. We leave it in our bedroom, but that way we could put it away if someone was coming over that might see it. (we've been pretty private about this stuff) .

I don't want to move off the baby pages, but maybe I should put that loft apartment picture in the forefront too!

[kerpupples]

Whee, beta #2 is 299! Back in another week for beta #3 and on 10/1 for my u/s.

There was some concern about my progesterone. Monday was low (11), today was higher than should be explained by my doubled PIO dose (>200). They are sending today's sample to another lab to confirm.

[to_have_fun08]

Kerpupples - Congrats on your rising beta. Sounds like your little one is snuggling in tight for the next 9 months.

Chris

[valerie68]

Good morning girls!
Thanks Stefanie for that wonderful post!

I agree with what Stefanie said. I think the 'what is' applies to so many things in life. The disparity between 'what is' and what we expect is what makes us feel disappointed. The bigger the disparity, the more we are disappointed. That is why we have to keep ourselves realistic. Especially with IVF, we have to go with what we get. And if we get more than that, we will be thrilled.

And that doesn't mean we can't dream or visualize what we want. I've done a fair share of visualization and it has helped me so much. I have a wooden statue of a pregnant woman that I hold every day.
Before starting my IVF journey, I found at an art show some paintings that the artist put on tiles (more affordable) and two of them represent my journey. One is a woman sitting in a boat with her legs over the edge and in the water and the boat is sailing towards the sunrise. The woman is looking straight ahead to the sunrise... She has a black cat with her in the boat.
( As I think about it now, I found a black cat while I was doing my first cycle and adopted her.) That one represents the start of my new journey.
The other tile has a naked woman painted in blue who is holding her arms out to a golden child. It of course represents my child to be.
I met the artist and was very touched by what she had to say. It was such a great moment for me. The tile are in my living room and a constant reminder of what my goal is. I love it!



Kerpupples~ You're doing great with your rising betas!! That is such good news!

Aims~ Wishing you a fabulous beta today! Can't wait to hear your numbers and adding another BFP to our team!

SueQiwi~ One more bcp tomorrow and then you get to start your stims!! Please keep squeezing those negative thoughts out of your head and don't let them come back in. Put a lock on so they can not open that door. And if for some strange reason they manage, let me know and I have an effective way of keeping those negative thoughts out!
I wish you the best and I hope you get some good quality follies!!

hoping4~ Wonderful second beta!! I was wondering what happened to you. Don't you worry, that number looks beautiful!

Mztia and lynnie~ How are you both doing? Has either one of you POAS! I hope you both get a BFP! You're almost to beta day! Hang in there!

Much hope~ I know that the waiting can be so hard. I just know this is going to work out for you! You will enjoy not being pumped up with all the meds, that's for sure. I keep thinking about you!


I'm doing well and just waiting to see my little beanie(s) on Tuesday!
The symptoms are still there, so that's good. I just wish I had had another beta. Really surprised I didn't get a third one.

I hope I didn't forget anyone, but probably so as my brain doesn't seem to be working up to speed.

Much love to all!

Val

[stefanie]

I love hearing about everyone's personal visualizations.

and I love seeing these rising betas.

I graduated from the RE today. Still 2 heartbeats and the babes and yolks are the same size (one sac is a little smaller, but I'm not going to worry about that). I didn't have my wonderful doctor who has seen me through these two IVFs. I had the guru that runs the clinic, and he was very, um, clinical. Didn't give me audio on the hearbeat, and I had to ask what the #s were. etc. Gave me just one blurry ultrasound photo, where our usual guy prints out a bunch and tries to get close ups. He's a very gruff German guy.

Luckily my OB appt is monday and she is a very warm awesome woman who handled my first (short) pregnancy and miscarriage with such grace and intelligence.

Anyway, this was a big milestone today. Hubby is away, so I just wept saying goodbye to the girls at the front desk. Very grateful for the personal service I had overall and if anyone is in NYC w/ low ovarian reserve I highly recommend CHR.

stefanie