Summer Board 2011

[fvrogers]

Easley - That is awesome!!! I am so happy for you. Will keep you in my prayers for Thursday!!

[LYD10]

Wow, lots of twists and turns today. Just have to repeat to ourselves: keep it together, keep it together, keep it together. Like in that Eddy Murphy movie. You know which one
I am doing my progesterone bw right now. 1 week after transfer.

[Ninde]

Wehavehope: please go gently. You have had a hell of a last few days. I hope you rest well tonight. And I hope that everyone is right and that tomorrow yoy will have lots of reassurance tomorrow.

Fvrogers: have a wonderful break

Sunshine: yay!!

Ninde

[Wishingandhoping]

We- I am SO sorry that you are going through this mess. Please do not lose hope. There is a good chance that there is still a very healthy baby in there. Keep your feet up and drink lots of fluids. I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers. Keep us posted.

[WeHaveHope]

My dearest friends,
The last 24 hours have been the the darkest for me. My DH finally came home from work at about 5:45pm and we both laid down in our bed and cried together. Not to diminish the pain I went through with the last two BFN's but this has been so much more difficult for me. I guess, after the 1st BFN I made a subconscious decision to not get to emotionally involved. Very difficult I know but with the most recent BFN I was so disappointed but I was able to pick myself up quickly and jump right back in. I was disapointed but I don't think I cried like I did with the 1st BFN. I think I had mentally prepared myself just in case. This time I did the same. Even after the multiple positive HPT's I was in complete denial. I did not want to get overly attached to the idea. Then came the positive Beta and with such a strong number. I was actually more concerned with multiples than the possibility of loosing the pregnancy. Then the second Beta seemed to more than double. I think at this point I let the walls down and I became emotionally involved. I had been physically involved of course and I was so happy with the idea of our miracle or miracles that I could not imagine this feeling ever coming to an end. Yesterday was horrifying for me. When I saw the blood I didn't even know what to think. Then I got home and saw these two clots being expelled and in my heart I knew it was all over. I know my RE is hopeful, I know that my DH is hopeful, I know that others on this board are hopeful, and I know that others have experienced the same and now have a baby. But I felt pregnant yesterday, I felt pregnant last week, I don't feel pregnant today. I know it's strange at only 4 1/2 weeks to have felt pregnant but I did. I can't imagine not trying again with 6 frosties waiting for me and at the same time I can't imagine feeling this pain ever again. I know God has a plan. I have faith in that. I haven't lost my faith I am just so hurt and feel so out of control. But i know I never had control. I know that there has to be a reason for what has happened and I know I will probably never know what that reason is. And I know I have only gone through 3 cycles and what about those even on this board that are still trying after 6, 7, or 8 cycles. Or those that have MC much later. I shouldn't complain and I should see that my situation could be so much worse. And I am. I am grateful for what i have and realize that things could be worse. I am grateful and blessed for the wonderful, loving, and strong husband God has blessed me with. I am grateful and blessed to have known motherhood with my 12 1/2 year old son who is my life. And to have been blessed with a wonderful step-daughter and step-son. I know I am blessed. I just wanted to also be blessed with a tiny miracle or two that was a little part me and a little part my DH. In the end I know that us having or not having a baby does not define us or our relationship. In the end my DH and I are each others bestfriends and we will make it through this as we have everything else. In the end our faith and love will guide us an keep us together.
Thank you all for your kind posts, your words of wisdom, and hope. And most of all thank you all for your friendship. Even though we don't know each other in person I do consider each and everyone of you my friend and you all hold a very special place in my heart. I wish all of you the best am pray that all of your dreams come true.

[Ninde]

Wehavehope: I cried as I read your post. I cant imagine what you are going through. I hope that the love and strength that seems to be such a big and important part of your marriage will sustain you through this time. It is incredibly humbling to witness your pain and the courage it takes from you to share it. Often we rush to convey the silver lining, the bright side and whilst its important not to get utterly lost in the despair, its often ourown inability to sit with it and be helpless in it that causes us to brush over things.I have no words for your great anguish and that's hard, I wish I could say something to soothe your pain. All I can do is to hold you in my prayers and thoughts and ill do that willingly.

Ninde

[Wishingandhoping]

Wehavehope- I'm so glad that you have such a wonderful relationship with your DH. Hold each other close and you will get through this together whatever the outcome. I am praying for you, and hoping that you still have a healthy bean cooking.

Lauren- Do not lose hope! 8dp3dt is still early! I get really irritable during the whole process because of all of he hormones, and DH just knows that he shouldn't take it personally. Sending you lots of sticky vibes!

Fvrogers- I'm so sorry about your BFN. You have a great attitude though. Take a break, and then know that you have some great embryos waiting to come home to you! You will get that BFP! I know what you mean about having to go through the whole story with folks at work. It is exhausting but I just give the short answer..."Didn't work this time.".

Ester- Congrats on AF! Time for stims!

Lyd10- Hang in there! Praying for you!

Easley- Congrats on a great ultrasound!

Ninde- I love your attitude. You bring a real peace to this board.

Anton- How are you? I continue to pray for you. You WILL be a mommy someday soon!

I'm sure I've left some people out...I think about you all every day, and I pray for us all!

AFM- I'm excited about my increasing beta, but still worried after my miscarriage last tine. Progesterone is up to 19 today...gradually getting there! My RE does 3 betas...next one is Monday. Looks like ultrasound will be August 24.

[LYD10]

we - i am not a religious person, but i keep you and your DH in my thoughts and hope that everything will turn out great for you! i still think you've got one good baby kicking in there.

ninde - well said!

[Lauren319]

WeHaveHope - You're breaking my heart. All this waiting has to be killing you because it's killing me. For now I can say that I'm sorry for the loss of your ONE baby. We still have hope for the other one. Hang in there. I'll keep checking in tomorrow.

Lauren - It's still too early! All this POAS is doing is making you negative. I'm so not a touchy-feely kinda girl, but maybe visualization would help? I dont know. Just throwing something out there.

Ester - effing finally. well done with the whole menstrual thing. I'm on BCP's until next Wednesday when I go in for an HSS to make sure everything's cool. As long as it is, I go on Lupron. I can't believe I'm starting over again. I might puke.

Easley - !!!!

Wishing - last time was last time. Do not even think about it. All it will do is add anxiety you don't need. You're preggo!!! Enjoy!!

Krissy - no problem! If you have questions, I would ask the lab directly as they know WAY MORE than your RE about fragile x. You can also always contact the MIND institute. Like I said though, in terms of IVF and ratios of affected/non-affected (as far as I've read), they know close to nothing.

AFM - started acupuncture and disgusting herbal concoction, which is disgusting. I have my HSS next Wednesday, so I'm hoping all goes well so I can start shots. We must be the only people alive who want to take shots. so effing stupid.


I know I didn't get to all of you and I'm sorry.

[mcast]

We went to the doctor today and I asked a few questions:

Was I over stimulated, why did he transfer on day 6, and why did I only have 2 after my transfer to freeze when I started with so many?

Basically he said that my body reacted well to the stim meds and that 34 eggs were fine. At day 5 the embryos were not where he wanted and he thought day 6 was the way to go. In terms of only having 2 to freeze he showed me the numbers and only four were at the top grade. At the end he feels like my estrogen levels were high and most likely why the embryos did not attach. The embryos were at the top grade and he said they were beautiful so that was likely not the reason.

Our decision now is to either transfer our frozen embryos (2) or to do a fresh cycle. If he does a fresh cycle he is going to freeze them all and transfer in the near future, not fresh. If we try for the 2 that we have now the cost is only about $4000 less then going through a new cycle. We are so scared to invest the money and have a BFN when we could start from scratch and have more to work with. It is decision time. Either way we are planning for the fall which means I need to have a mock cycle in the next few weeks. I'm still trying to regroup and need to think it through. I'm starting acupuncture Monday.

Decisions, decisions

[LYD10]

this is weird - did PIO ever make you feel nauseous? i feel nauseous tonight. so nauseous that i took an HPT which was negative which is ok i guess since i am only 6dp4d. so this must be the PIO.

[WeHaveHope]

Good morning my dear friends,
First, thank you for all of you support, kind words, and prayers. I feel ever so slightly better today. At the very least I haven't started to cry yet so u guess that is a step in the right direction. I am scheduled to have another Beta today at 8am EST. One again I will have to wait until 2pm or 2:30pm for the dreaded call. The wait is awful. I am going to go in yo work today. Staying home is not goin to help me or change any results. I ask that you please say a small prayer for us. A prayer for a small miricle an if the miricle I'd not possible then strength yo move forward. I love you all and I am praying for each and everyone one of you. Tha k you again for everything.

[Sunshine1576]

It's been a tough week on the board this week, but we are strong and WILL get through this because "We never give up on something we cannot go a day without thinking about!"- This was a quote from one of our former cycle buddies who accomplished her dream because she didn't give up. WeHaveHope, I really wish you the best today! Dont give up on the brink of a miracle, you have gotten so far!

AFM: I am headed to my clinic this morning to see how my follibabes are doing.
Have a fabulous day, the weekend is here!

[Kiminsh]

I am praying for all those going through tough times right now. Lots of curve balls this week. You are all such strong women, i know you will get through it! As for those of you that your dreams are becoming a reality, I am so excited for you! I love reading about your stories. It is motivating to me:)

AFM I went for the endometrial biopsy yesterday. I must say it was more uncomfortable than I had expected it to be. I still feel quite crampy today:( Now we have to wait for the results. I will be meeting with my RE on 8/16 to discuss the results of testing and figure out our next steps. The frustrating part is that I feel like I have wasted so much time waiting! I am 39...I can't afford all this waiting!!! The whole summer has just about come and gone and I feel like we have gotten nowhere. I will be back to work in about a week, so that means taking time off. I know that you ladies all know this! Just had to get it out:)

Kim

[Madame X]

Good Morning Girls,

Kimish -- I totally know what you mean about the waiting, I hate it!!! But then like you said, so much time has actually flown by and the summer is almost gone. Hope your results are good and you can move right along!

We – I have been checking in regularly on you. I am really hoping that today brings you good news and that this was just a bump in the road to bringing home healthy baby in 8 months!

Easely – Great news!!! YAY!!

LYD10 – Hoping the nausea is from a BFP, and it’s just too early to read in the HPT!!

Fvrogers – So sorry about your BFN….but enjoy your vac with DH!! P.S. It’s awesome you have 4 frosties!!!

Wishing – How are you feeling? Can’t wait to hear about your rising beta Monday!

Sunshine – So excited for you!!! Fill us in about your app today when you can!!!

Mcast – At least you have some time to really think about what your next step will be. It’s nice to some options, too. Whatever choice you guys make I’m sure will be a good one.

Laruen319 – I am actually thinking of doing acupuncture too, I am bit nervous about it though. I am also hoping to start my shots next week! We will see…

Lauren- Keeping my fingers crossed for a BFP for you!!

MaTina – One week till beta!!!

Moorebaby – How did your baseline go?

Ninde – Did you spotting dissipate??


AFM- I finally got AF, thanks to all those who did the AF dance for me! I am currently on BCP and have an u/s on Tuesday, then b/w on Friday. The nurse said if those two are good then I can start the meds!!! So hopefully by next Friday I will be on my way. I have the whole moth of Aug off; I just finished teaching summer school for some extra dough. We don’t go back to school till the 6th of Sep, after Memorial Day. So I am going to try to relax, maybe try acupuncture, and go for a massage of two. I have to keep myself busy though or I’ll go crazy….