Jo Lorrain, Sharon, hi!

Grace · Post by **Grace** » Tue Jul 15, 2003 2:01 pm

Dear Lorraine So glad to hear from you today. You are so kind the way you think of everyone and remember all the little details. You are so much an inspiration to all of us women, I don't think you realise how much. You are right it does help so much to each other to "talk" too. I only found this site at the end of my last treatmeant cycle but it truly has made a huge difference to me emotionally. I really felt that I was the only one - did n't realise there was this whole sisterhood! You are very wise when you say that when you are going through treatmeant you have to be as positive as possible and then deal with the fall out if it happens. It is very difficult though is n't it? That is why I think it so important that we can share our feelings here it is impossible to feel totally positive about it at all times. Sometimes it makes me feel angry and sometimes just very sad. I don't know how long I will pursue treatmeant for. Although somewhere inside I do prepare myself for letting go - if it happens I know it will be difficult but then these past years of ttc have been so very hard too. One way or another it will be a new chapter, a new beginning. Anyway, what I really wanted to say was glad today is a bit better? Are you back at work yet? or are you taking some time off? Please, keep in touch as we are all thinking of you so much. Love Gracex

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 12:15 pm

Hello girls. Just wanted to check in/check up on every one. Jo - I hope your wishes and prayers for me and DH turn out to be true. You and your hubby are so resilient - what a strong couple you are - going through this all with limited support mechanisms - but what a golden time it will be to tell your family and friends your good news. I know you have posted on the other side - so it must be good to share your ongoing worries with all those expectant mums. I think most women have trouble believing they are pregnant until that first scan. Have you got a date yet? Sharon - I know it's your appointment to see your Dr about the hydro today. How did it go? You have had lots of useful info from other girls on your hydro thread - so I hope you felt better informed before the clinic visit today - it always helps to have the questions ready doesn't it? I know it's a real shame you have to go through this (especially as it seemed to be picked up a bit late) and it is yet another hurdle to overcome for you - but having the treatment will feel like positive affirmative action and can only make you feel more positive for the next cycle. Caz - no word from you yesterday - how are you my friend? Did you get to make that appointment yet? Last time around I was the same with my clinic and ended up having a terrible crying fit down the phone with one of the team beacause they couldn't sort something trivial (in my case) out. It's just the stress of it all. 2 Days ago I had a hissy fit whilst trying to put a duvet cover on - the look of horror on Dh's face stopped me in my tracks but made me feel even worse. Luckily we both saw the funny side and started laughing. I have never really felt that real rage before and it took me by surprise but I know it's all part of the grieving process so figure I don't need a padded cell yet! Grace - When did your last cycle end? Did I read on another thread that you are planning on another cycle in the near future? You are very good at giving lovely advice and fantastic support but tell me how are YOU feeling? Marteen - A huge good luck to you with your treatment - I have everything crossed for you. Looks like you have lots of company for the cycle - I can not emphasise enough how helpful it is to have cycle buddies - the strength to get through this lies within one another. As for me - am still of work - last note doesn't run out until a week Friday - have decieded to sort my head out and give myself to work out "what next" before I go back. We had planned I would be off for the first 3 months if I had a +ve so work is sorted - so if I go back early and end up in a mess - I won't feel I can take time off again. I have a weird job - I work in a small team of 6 accross 3 sites - which offers a specialist service - so when I am at work I am on my own and responsible for the service - basically I need to be on the ball - and can't rely on others - as they rely on me! The job is very stressful and the hours are long (10hours at least) so I am considering reducing my hours and maybe later changing my job. I have already figured out that if we are not to be parents - I don't want work to be my life - I need so much more - just have to work out what!!!! Well that's surely enough decision making for one day! Looking forward to hearing from you Lorraine [Edited by Lorraine on 16-Jul-03 13:17]

GB · Post by GB » Wed Jul 16, 2003 12:47 pm

Hi gals! Just wanted to say hi and that I'm really thinking of you all. Jo, am so thrilled for you! Just let it sink in and enjoy! Caz and Lorreine...my heart truely goes out to you and knows what you are going through. I was there about 3 weeks ago with a negative after the 3rd IVF attempt....and what you both described could've been me during those first few days. Believe me, there is some light at the end of the tunnel and we'll all get there eventually....although it's a rocky rollercoaster ride!! Lorreine, I can tell that your posts are getting more positive by the day....so keep it up and look after yourself. Caz, you take care and look after yourself too. Anyway, don't know if it helps anyone...but I have to have donor eggs...as I have Turners' Syndrome, which means that I don't have any of my own eggs. Anyway, at least it saves me the dreadful "egg collection" proccess!! I must run, but just know that I'm truely with you all during the highs and lows of the rollercoaster ride. Hopefully there'll be more highs than lows!! Take care and lots of love Gila

caz · Post by **caz** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 3:05 pm

HI guys Sorry not to post for a bit - been really busy - not really sure exactly what I've been doing but keeping myself occupied has helped take my mind of things...a tiny bit! Altho still boring people silly with the whole topic. How are you all feeling. Jo - any symptoms yet - god you must be excited/ bit nervous!! Scan will be fine I know it. when the date? Lorraine -you sound a bit better - have you made any decision about the future yet - are you decided on what you might do next baby wise?? Hope you're feeling ok. Sharon - wedding plans - how they going!! Not long now eh?! Are you holding up ok? Is it quite nice having a distraction>? As for me -Got follow up appointment on 7 august - spoke to doc briefly yesterday - he says we should try again but use donor sperm for half the eggs. Have been thinking about the donor thing ALOT since last week. GILA - really interested to hear your views on it. I am becoming much more relaxed ab0ut the whole thing - I think! Saw a very good girlfriend yesterday who has 2 beautiful kids and she said she would DEF DEF use a donor if she couldnt have had kids any other way - and she was just very practical about it and very matter of fact. When I asked, "dont you think it would be so difficult", she looked at me as if she didnt quite understand and said, " why would it be any different, you've given birth to the baby, its TOTALLY dependednt on you, why should it be a problem, its the fact that this little thing is so TOTALLY dependent on you that makes you love it". I guess she has a point! Maybe I've been over analysing the issue. I dunno. chatted to another mate about it today (all slightly theoretically as we are not going to be "open" about ti, and he totally couldnt understand why you'd make a big deal of it either. The way he put it was that the donor contributed about 10 cells the rest is entirely up to you and yer dh.....how look after yourself when yr pregnant, your partners genes, and MOST importantly how you bring up the child, is all more important. God I'm rambling. Sorry. am starting to feel better -altho still having off relapses into tears for no apparent reason. I think if I can get my head around teh donor thing - it will really help, as I guess thats a possible answer to our problems. Lots of love to you all Cazx ps - I've got a shocking hangover - my alcohol resilience is SHOT!

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 3:43 pm

Hey Girls - Caz, glad you hear you're thinking about your options for the future, even though I know the disappointment doesnt disappear overnight. I would definately agree to use donor bits and pieces if necessary - the important thing is the love the three of you will share. Donor sperm for half the eggs sounds like a really good move. Lorraine - glad to read your message that you too are thinking about the future and what you want to aim for. I know its hard - still thinking about you. Keep us updated - the time off work will help you I'm sure - your job does sound as if you work long hours and takes up a lot of your life - mine is the same I work at least 8 hours a day and most saturdays and its very stressful. Feels weird to be thinking about cutting it back - at the moment that thought seems impossible but I know it'll have to happen at some point. Work has been such a huge part of my life since I Started my job when I was 19 (now 35). Sharon - where are ya? I hope you're feeling OK and I think in your last post you were already talking about your next treatment cycle. The waiting is really frustrating though isn't it? Look forward to hearing from you soon. As for me - no symptoms except sore boobs but the cyclogest I think can do that (still have to do the pessaries until first scan - yuk!! Scan is on 25th July, a week on friday. Am a bit worried obviously but just keep telling myself there's no reason why things shouldn't be normal. I'm sure I'll feel a lot better once they've confirmed it though - no matter how many tests you do, its not the same. I've heard of people who have a sac and all the pg symptoms but no baby inside which is freaking me out slightly at times but mainly I'm OK. Lots of Love to you all - Jo. XXXXXXXXXXXX

Grace · Post by **Grace** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 6:46 pm

Hi girls I seem to butting in on this thread alot hope you don't mind. I think it is because I was really keeping a close eye on all of you and it is so nice to hear how you are all doing. Caz, you are right it is a big decision to take about donor sperm. However, I think your friends are right when they say that it really would be no different than a baby that was 100% genetically yours. I really believe that it is nurture rather than nature which is the crucial factor. How does your DH feel about it all? I suppose you will have a clearer picture once you have a review with the clinic. Good luck with your decision. Hi jo, glad you are ok. I suppose we all dream so much about getting that positive it is hard to look beyond that, but I can imagine the worry goes on. You sound so busy that I am sure the time will go really quickly and before you know it, it will be scan day...scary but how exiting too! Lorraine, glad you are getting through these days. I think it really sounds like a good idea to take some time off, it sounds like a terribly busy and responsible job. The anger you feel is bound to surface from time to time and it is so great that you and DH can have a laugh about it. I think humour is one of the best stress busters. Your Man sounds so lovely. Thanks for asking after me. Yes you are right I will be starting another cycle in September. It was going to be August but I just fancy another month "off". On one hand I just want to get on with it yet on the other hand it is still very scary. I have had five negative ICSIs so you would think it would be water off a ducks back by now, but it is n't. My last negative was in February, I always need a good few months break in between. I need to feel strong mentally and physically before I embark again. So basically feeling pretty good about it (most of the time can be very negative and cynical at times) and trying to enjoy and appreciate the life we have together. Nobody has any answers as to why it may not be working for us as we have had very "good" cycles so far. It seems to be a matter of the embryos not staying put. I am due to have some "Natural Killer" tests done before the next cycle as there is a theory that this may be a problem with women who have alot of failed attempts despite things looking pretty good otherwise. Anyway Lorraine, keep that spirit of yours up and keep in touch. Hello to Sharon too of course and all you other girls out there. Love Gracex

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 7:53 am

Hi Girls, just a quick one as I'm rushed off my feet but wanted to tell you about the appointment with the doctor It was supposed to be with the registrar as the Consultant (Dr Bigood) wasn't available until October but he turned up instead as he wanted to see me, which was good. He explained that the hydro wasn't present before and that the drugs etc. can stimulate everything and the hydro has just recently developed. He is going to clip the tubes (although they are open they are very scarred) via laporoscopy and drain the hydro if it is still there. So it's not a big procedure and he's going to try and get me in on his emergency list in the next few weeks!!!! So well pleased! I hope to have the procedure done, have my wedding at end of August and then start cycle again in Sept/Oct. So only down side is I'll have horrible swollen belly button for wedding/honeymoon (and I just had my belly re-pierced from the last time!) and my tummys nice and flat again, Oh well, small price to pay. Just read all your posts, looks like you are all doing fine, I'll write again later.

GB · Post by GB » Thu Jul 17, 2003 10:10 am

Hey there all! Hope you are all doing much better... Caz, you asked about my opinion/thaughts on donor eggs.... in short, if that's the only way to achieve pregnancy...don't even think twice!!! In terms of the physical prodecure of IVF, it's all the same procedure as far as I know...just with someone else's eggs, and not yours. You won't have to go through the "egg collection" thing..which, from what I understand, is a real plus!!! In terms of it being "someone else's" egg inside of you..well, yes,it is a srange feeling and concept...but as I said, if you have no other option, then this is what you'll have to do...and don't think too much of it. Hopefully, all will be successful and positive, and the resulting child will be brought up by you and under your and your DH's influence,and not by anyone else . There may be a few genetic differences, but the child is yours in every respect. Remember, it's not like surragacy....you actually go through the pregnancy and birth....and are very connected right from the beginning!! So go for it!!!!! Hope this helps.....am here for everyone always...(although I might not reply until Sunday...sorry!) Take care all and have a good weekend. Love Gila x-x-x

GB · Post by GB » Thu Jul 17, 2003 10:35 am

Dear Caz Sorry, what a clutz I was...you were referring to donor sperm, wern't you? And I was going on about donor eggs....so I'm sorry about that... But the advise and whatever I said still applies.... (except that if you do use your eggs you'll have to do the EC thing...sorry!) Take care and look forward to hearing from you. Love Gila

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 11:55 am

Hi girls Everyone sounds pretty cool at the moment - all busy making plans! Jo - massive good luck to you for your first scan date. It must feel like the 2ww all over again!!! Are you feeling OK? Caz - glad you are keeping yourself busy - it seems the only way forward doesn't it. Although it probably feels like an age till your follow up - it seems like you are able to start making plans and considering your new options carefully. Whilst it deserves a great deal of careful contemplation – I think your “gut instinct” is right – despite using donor sperm any child you would carry and care for would 100% be yours and your lovely husbands. That’s the thing about reproduction medicine – it’s a minefield – you have to weigh and measure every last intervention, work out where you stand, how you feel and what the repercussions are. Phew – its hard work just thinking about it! It's funny though cos once you have sorted all that in your mind - it all seems very clear and simple. Sharon – your appointment with the consultant sounds positive don’t you think? – It’s very bad luck that the hydro developed but I’m glad you can let go of any upset that it may have been there before with previous attempts – you don’t need any extra baggage/reasons to be cross! What a mad few months you have ahead! It’s great though that you can get the hydro sorted quickly and “relatively” simply. (That’s not to belittle it – I just mean the laparoscopy approach will be so much better than a laparotomy) Have you much left to organise for the wedding?? Bloated tummy or not – you are going to look fantastic on your special day. Grace – what a huge amount you have been through – 5 ICSI’s – OMG – no wonder you thought you might “treat” yourself to another month off! Have you ever had any frosties to play with? I only recently heard about Natural Killer tests – did your consultant recommend it? I hear it is expensive to test for – is that true? It makes so much sense to try to improve implantation rates – it seems so much can be done to improve the chances of making it through a cycle “this or next time” but it’s then still down to formidable lady luck. If implantation rates could be improved – the success rates would be so much better for everyone. Now that would be cool! Can’t be bothered to talk about me today!!! We have done enough of it for a start and I just feel very non-communicative today!! Don’t worry – I am fine – but I just feel a bit wooden today – oh can’t explain – but suffice to say I’m quiet, calm and NOT CRYING FOR ONCE – now there’s progress! Take Care Lorraine xxxxxxx

GB · Post by GB » Thu Jul 17, 2003 12:07 pm

Carry on the PMA!!! It'll take time...but you'll get there! Take care. Love Gila x-x-x

caz · Post by **caz** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 3:28 pm

HI guys - thanks for all you helpful responses on the donor thing. Feeling quite positive about it as an option now. Now just gotta MAKE SURE dh is totally ok with it Am off on hols tomorrow - YIPPEE!! So all dehaired, fake tanned, toes painted and ready to go. Sadly no flat tummy. Lucky you Sharon!! I think weddings are an excellent way to get in shape - everyone I know loses pounds just before they get married. God you'll look amazing! What you wearing , please tell?! Jp - cant wait to hear about your scan - guess I'll find out when I get back from hols -It must be a shocker waiting -but am SURE it'll all be straight forward Lorraine - you sound better. I know what you mean about not wanting to go over your story again and agin it gets a bit knacking doesnt it. But do keep us in touch! Grace - I for one certainly dont mind you "butting in" as you put it -its lovely to hear your views . you do sound like a bit of a pro. 5 ICSIs wow! Take heart tho - y mum just met soneone where it worked on the 6th go! Gila - sending PMA in you direction too!! Lots of love all speak in a week!! Cazxx

GB · Post by GB » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:18 pm

Caz..hope you had a fab holiday and that the advice helped! Lorreine...hoping that you're feeling betta! Take care. Thinking of you and everyone else! Love Gila.

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