Sad Day

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 10:29 am

Grace I'm really sorry to read your post. I echo what the other gilrs have said. I dont know how to be happy faced with your current situation but time will help a little probably. I'll be praying for you - lean on the support you can get. Thinking of you - love jo.xx

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 11:17 am

Dearest Grace, I am so sorry, I was so much hoping for the fairytale ending for you. Life is really so unfair to deny couples who would make such good parents the opportunity to have families of our own. I've really appreciated your friendship over recent months and do hope that whatever happens you'll keep in touch and we'll be able to travel together through the next stage of life. Thinking of you and sending you all my love Alison xx

luce · Post by **luce** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 1:44 pm

Hi Grace My heart goes out to you, I really hoped you'd have better news than this. I do know exactly what you are feeling, and I'm afraid there are no magic formulae that help you to get through it. I am only a few days ahead of you in coming to terms with a childless life. So far we have had bad and good days - we try to take each day as it comes and survive it as best we can. Once we have, we remind ourselves how lucky we have been to have the opportunity to have tried to fulfil our dreams - so many don't have that chance. We too feel numb, sad, angry and bitter. And we feel very scared to face the future - we do however have each other, and for this reason we know we will survive it, somehow. In the short term, we are trying to put our lives back together, and have made some small steps in the right direction. I wanted to share them with you - they are all superficial things, but they help us to survive: We drank wine together for the first time in ages, and enjoyed every drop We booked a holiday, leaving a week on Friday We stripped the old wallpaper off the bedroom that we had earmarked for a nursery, and went and bought some paint We went shopping in Bluewater We wrote a letter to our families, explaining our situation and telling them about our decision for a childfree future I contacted www.moretolife.co.uk to find a support group for those who have tried and failed Although none of these are long term solutions, they have all in their own way helped us survive the last few days. We accept that the next few months/years will have their ups and downs and will be challenging, esp at Christmas and at events where children are the focus, but we have each other and with each other's support and that of our families and our friends, we will get through it. As I think I have said before, we have chosen not to adopt. We also hold out no hope for a natural miracle - we cannot continue to live our lives as we have for the last 5 years, ie, with that 'what if' hanging over us. We will always long for our own child(ren) but we now have to learn to accept that it wasn't meant to be. Grace, the only advice I have is take each day as it comes. Cry, cuddle your dh, get to the end of the day and face the next one... If you need a shoulder, and a friend to go through this with, I'm here for you. Love Lucy xxx

kathryn · Post by **kathryn** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 3:21 pm

oh grace im so sorry to read your post, and for you too lucy. I feel awful for you both, especially as you have had to make such a painfully hard decision. my heart goes out to both you grace and your dh and to you lucy and your dh. you are all in my thoughts. I just wish i could say something to help and something positive. I wish you all, happiness and strenghth in the future with whatever decisions you make. and please know that we are all here for you when you need to vent anger or cry. lots of love kathryn x

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 4:39 pm

Grace My sincerest sympathy to you and DH. We all so wanted a positive conclusion for you both after so many cycles. It really is very unjust. Remember - be gentle with yourself - now is the time to nurture one another. You have been there for so many of us - and now is the time to lean on us. Take care. With Love Lorraine xxxxxxx

louli · Post by **louli** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 6:59 pm

Dear Grace, So sorry to read your post and feel your pain. You have been great to me since I started on this site in March, always full of practical and positive thought, kindness and understanding. I can so understand your anxiety and fear. It is always brave to admit defeat and then carry on and try to find other hopes and dreams. I am happy that you have such a wonderful husband and know that together you are strong.I pray that your courage and determination will be rewarded with happiness in the future and that the road to that will gradually become easier. Take your time. I may be right behind you on that road, All the very best, Lou

Nick · Post by **Nick** » Tue Nov 04, 2003 10:19 am

Dearest Grace and DH, I too am so sorry to hear your news. I had failed my first at about the same time as your ...5th (?) this Spring, so have followed your progress with interest. (Dashing back on Sunday to log on) The english language fulfills most purposes, but 'devestated' is perhaps too superficial in this case. Here is is a virtual hug (PAUSE) Hope you got that, and a big lick from our doggy too. (PAUSE) We may be joining you too, so don't feel alone. We are on our 3rd attempt. (Gonal F last night) The first was good tmt, but no success, the second - no eggs! Just simply didn't respond. Now, they have doubled the dose and anything could happen. So, please don't feel alone, and console yourself. Although IVF does have some successes, thank goodness, sadly there are many more unfortunate stories. If it helps, I thought I would mention taht we are also considering adoption as we have friends who have gone down that route. I sometimes feel that some couples have been 'chosen' to be mums and dads so abandoned little'uns. I know that sounds a bit evangelical, and heavy, but sometimes it is something positive to think about. ((( I read in the D. Telegraph yesterday, that they are going to make overseas adoption considerably quicker) For now, take care and REALLY look after yourself. Big hug again (((( xxx )))) Nicky (often as log in NickyMolly)

Hayley Wilkinson · Post by **Hayley Wilkinson** » Wed Nov 05, 2003 1:55 pm

Dear Grace I am so sorry to hear your news. My heart goes out to you and DH. love Hayley x

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