Dealing with -ve

[heather14]

Hi girls I just got my first BFn on Friday. My first ivf cycle was even worse because we did not have any eggs to retrieve only empty follicles and my dh had to tell me after waking up from the surgery. This recent cycle was better we were able to transfer 3 embryos but they did not take. I have had two letdowns and my dh thinks that I can not handle another emotionally. He must think that I am crazy, but I beg to differ. I think that he cannot mentally handle another let down. Neverless we are starting ivf again on July 17th. We are all fortunate to have a website and new friends to help us through these hard times because here we know how each one feels. Keep your heads up and find something that will make you happy even if it is temporary. Heather

[hlloyd]

I guess my only advice is that you will have to feel like this until you don't feel like this any longer. There is no timeframe and it is different for everyone. I found it useful to try and focus on something really positive, whether that be your next cycle or something completely unrelated like a holiday or an event. Be assured that you will feel better eventually and even start to feel a bit normal!

Good luck
Heather

[eskavon]

Dear Annie
I had my -ve in May and am still struggling to get my head round it. There are no timescales, no magic wands. I wish with all my heart there were. I think Heather's advice is good - focus on somehting positive.
Remember you are going through a grief process and you must go through the cycle:
Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.
Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.
Sometimes being able to identify where you are can help give you a way forward.
I sincerely hope you and DH talk and find a way of this - one thing is for certain it will end and you will find a way forward.
Love and hugs
Eskavon xxx

[ogr1]

eskavon thank you for writing this all down..
you should have your words put on its own thread..

you hit it all right on the nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[eskavon]

Thanks Becky, they were some wise words a counsellor told me when dealing with a particularly awful bit of my life. They did help, and it made me see I couldn't cheat the process, I had to go through all stages.
xx

[ogr1]

it sucks i know , but you are a very very strong women..
and you are going to get threw this..


we have a right to cry and a right to smileand a rioght to be mad!!!!!!!!!!

[annieb]

Hey Eskavon, I have just worked out i must be at the bargaining stage!!


I have gone full pelt at believing I can MAKE my body ovulate myself if I eat healthily as well as lots of Phyto Oestrogens, take Agnus Castus and think positivly. (maybe I'm reading too many books!) Of course I know it took me 6 ampules of Menopur for 17 days to get a good enough response - pah, what do the doctors know?!

Hmmm.

Maybe I am going slightly mad, I do recognise that I need to move onto the next stage but in the meantime i am losing weight and eating stuff that is very good for me (i even feel guilty that I am drinking a cup of decaff at the moment, my first in 2 weeks!)

Who knows, maybe it will work....

I have mentioned to a couple 'ignorant of all ivf' people that I had came on before the test date, (they know I dont have periods normally) and they have got quite excited and said maybe it has kicked my system into action. I dont believe this for one minute, surely it is just a result of the artificial drugs. Do you agree?

[eskavon]

Hi Annie
I think you're probably right, AF will have been from the drugs. I do hope you get sorted. Its nice to hear you're being so healthy, I succumbed toa lot of guiness at the weekend and felt very guilty all week. But we musn't beat ourselves up.
Take care of yourself , chill and relax
lots of love
eskavon xxx